If you were invited "for Christmas Day"

[Gracelet]

Would that mean to you for the whole day, staying for lunch, etc. Or would you take it to mean you could just pop in for some of it and make other plans for the rest of the day?

This is the situation with my best friend who was invited "for Christmas Day", so planned and catered for, but she's just said "Oh don't worry about feeding me" (she's a vegetarian) But DP has already got in veggie options. Presumably she isn't going to sit and watch us eat so I can only assume that she's made other plans for the afternoon. If she's done this I'll be really annoyed and upset :( I was looking forward to spending some Christmas time with her.

FWIW she's our only visitor invited "for Christmas Day"

Enjoy your day tomorrow @Gracelet , your ‘friend’ is rude .

The only way you can have a USP is to go cold turkey (pun intended) literally all year. If you check emails and Whatsapp there is no interest at all. Finalise the deal before you switch off and switch on next Jan 1st. Get someone to intermittently film you on an old camcorder

That's rude to pull out the day before. 'for Christmas day' means including dinner. 'My tolerance for flakiness has shortened drastically recently.

Sounds like she's seeing partner instead

Totally understandable you’re feeling a bit hurt and upset by this OP - she’s been really rude. Not worth a Christmas argument but in your shoes it is something I might address with her when the heat’s gone out of it in the new year. Totally depends on how close and open you two are though
i hope you have a wonderful relaxed and lazy Christmas regardless, try not to let it bother you! And hopefully you can freeze the veggie stuff

I think you have to call her and talk about it. You assumed she'd stay for dinner and got in the right food, she felt awkward to ask for veggie options, so thought she wouldn't stay for dinner. It's lovely that she presumed she'd need to go sort her own food rather than assuming you'd make a veggie option, lovely that you wanted to include her.

It's her ex (and son who the OP had also invited) she's gone to spend it with so assume no DP in the picture.

Oh I'm sorry OP and its understandable you're hurt.

Did she think it was a casual arrangement all along do you think? Having a drink in the local pub suggests she lives nearby?

There isn't much you can do or say to make it better so I wouldn't say anything now or later but I would put her friendship into the 'casual friend' category for future reference.

*wrong thread !

OP just to say please try and let go as soon as you are able- that is really upsetting of course, and poor form from her.

Have a good cry now if you need to but tomorrow is a different day and it will be lovely. More scrummy food for you and you can leave the washing up til the morning and nobody will know! xxxx

Miranda Hart suggests stating both a start and an end time for invitations to your house.

She may be bringing her own veggie dinner, to eat with you?
Hence no need to worry about catering for her.

Awww i feel bad for you! Message her and say, my DP and I assumed you'd be having dinner with us so got you a veggie option. Did you wanna pop over and grab it at some point, otherwise it will end up in the bin.

Make sure she bloody knows you went to that trouble!

What a cow!

Really really rude OP.
I am so sorry that your generosity and kindness have been disregarded.
Real friends do not behave like that.
Losers who use people do.
I honestly would drop the rope going forward.
Reprocosity in relationships is so important.
Don't be an option in your friendships.

Here's how the conversation goes for 99.9% of people:

"Friend, do you want to come to ours for Christmas Day?"

"Oh, that would be lovely, thankyou! What time do you want me?"

"Around 12?"

"Great, would you like me to bring anything towards dinner?"

"No, we're sorted thanks, I'll do you veggie stuff, what would you normally have at Christmas?"

etc etc

Why all the assumptions and unspoken discussion of arrangements?

What a shit, really bad form to drop out the day before a dinner invitation, never mind a big expensive meal like Christmas dinner. Some people don’t have the manners they were born with!

Oh should have RTFT sorry!

Very rude to duck out for no reason. If you thought it was because of her new boyfriend you could have invited him though?

So sorry and I’m not surprised you are feeling tearful. Christmas is hard for many of us for various reasons. Try to enjoy the day with your DP still though 💐

That’s really unfair of her.

I understand not wanting to spend all day there, especially if she has DC but there’s nothing stopping her from coming for a couple of hours.

That’s really poor of her and I would be backing off from this friendship.

I was about to say something similar. She's a close, possibly best, friend and she lets you down less than 24 hours before.
Was she planning to just be at the pub and then slide away and not come back with you to yours?!
She doesn't deserve you or your nice DH who went to effort for her.

I did actually invite the new boyfriend, he had plans but I just said you're welcome to pop over afterwards if you'd like to.

I'll be fine. Just a bit of a disappointment, this has been planned since October and I would NEVER do this to someone, bar an emergency. I have no idea if she just wanted to do the pub bit and not bother with anything else 🤷‍♀️

I'll take the advice to pull back a bit from the friendship. Quietly of course, but she's shown no respect for me or the plans for Christmas fucking Day! Even if it is all true about the ex, etc I would simply have said that I'd committed to plans already.

On the plus side, more cheese and Prosecco for me!

Tricky, as people all eat their main Christmas Dinner at various times; some in the evening, etc (I tried that once, but it really did not work out for us); some early at around 1.00 or 2.00, and some a 'late' lunch, say 4.00 pm.
So, if you expected them for a meal, then I'd be specific, and say 'lunch' or whatever, and specify a time; ie get here around x, so we can have a drink, and sit down for dinner around y.
If you know her very well, I'd ask and clarify about veggie options, or otherwise ask if there is anything they specifically do not like, etc.
Otherwise, Christmas dinner would generally expected to be usual options.
If you, the host, are veggie, or vegan, I'd specify that with the invite, etc

Sorry, I see now, that she is not coming at all, which is rather rude, especially at such a late time, when you would have got all the food in, etc

That’s just bloody rude.

I would think for Lunch at least. But i would have been clear about "anything you don't like to eat"

I've also just remembered that she's allegedly coming to my daughter's new flat for NYE.....wonder when she'll pull out of that.... It's a big party luckily so her absence won't be noticed (apart from me).