If you were invited "for Christmas Day"

[Gracelet]

Would that mean to you for the whole day, staying for lunch, etc. Or would you take it to mean you could just pop in for some of it and make other plans for the rest of the day?

This is the situation with my best friend who was invited "for Christmas Day", so planned and catered for, but she's just said "Oh don't worry about feeding me" (she's a vegetarian) But DP has already got in veggie options. Presumably she isn't going to sit and watch us eat so I can only assume that she's made other plans for the afternoon. If she's done this I'll be really annoyed and upset :( I was looking forward to spending some Christmas time with her.

FWIW she's our only visitor invited "for Christmas Day"

I would be asking questions because “for Christmas Day” is too vague for me

That could mean anything and be interpreted any kind of way.

I think it’s a bit rude not to give specifics because you’re putting the onus on the person you invited to be a mind reader and know what you mean and if they don’t, they have to ask you questions about the plans you have told them they’re welcomed to.

If you're only clarifying timing with her now, then she may well have been wondering what your invitation meant and got herself some food in. I would have accompanied the invitation with a clear outline of what time we ate and things so she knew what was what. Everyone does Christmas differently so you really can't make an assumption about what time to turn up - after all, do you have the main meal at lunchtime, in the evening or at some point in the afternoon.

Just ask her!!

From this post it's obvious she thinks the plan was to go to a pub. Not spend all day at your house after the pub.

I wouldn't have a clue what 'for Christmas day' meant and would have asked. Definitely wouldn't have assumed it meant meals and all day.

I'd take 'for Christmas Day' to mean the whole day, so lunch and tea, so as pp have said, arriving about midday and leaving around 7.00 (if main meal is around 1.00-2.00) If the main meal was in the evening, I'd expect to stay later.

And she's pulled out entirely :(

Give her a ring maybe she's bringing her own food

Wth. Send her an invoice

No way! That’s so rude. Is she normally so flakey?

I expect it's the bloke.

Very poor form

I don't understand the sequence of events. You invited her for Christmas Day, you got food especially for her, she said don't feed me, and now she's pulled out?
Did she ever confirm she was coming for a meal, because it looks like she was telling you she wasn't, yet you got food anyway?

I think in future you need to be more direct and clear, especially as she's your best friend.

The onus is on both parties to clarify exactly what it is expected.
Communication people, the solution to 99% of mumsnet “issues”

Quite possibly. I think she did understand but knew she was going to pull out. Apparently her ex got upset that she wasn't doing Christmas with him and their son (son also invited here). Makes me think that she never really intended to come.

Oh well, less need for a pristine house and a lazier morning! Stupidly feeling a bit tearful - wtf?!

Bloody rude of her, OP. I hate people who flake out at the last minute like that. Why couldn't she tell you in reasonable time? I suppose at least you know now so you won't be waiting for her to turn up tomorrow.

Because it's shitty of her. She agreed to come you got stuff in for her. She cancels Xmas eve. It's a dick move. I'd guess she fully intended to come for all of it until ex got in touch.

Oh sorry op, in that case she should have been more clear and honest with you, not very fair if her at all.
Is she often like this?

Maybe she generally is made to feel that she is difficult to cater for. My dd is vegetarian, and often tells people not to cater for her when she visits, as feels she is putting people out. I'm sure if you got back to your friend to tell her you'd bought food specially for her needs that she would change her mind.

You've been let down, if course it's perfectly natural to feel tearful x

That message comes across as a bit....aggressive.

That's so fucking rude of her.

What if you hadn't called? Was she just going to not show up? Ugh, I'd be so annoyed.

This is a reflection on your friend and not yourself. You sound lovely OP - have a very fab christmas

Oh OP! 😭 no good deed goes unpunished! Sorry this has upset you, you sound lovely. I hope you have a good day

Did that include her DP?.she would want to spend it with him surely?