If you were invited "for Christmas Day"

[Gracelet]

Would that mean to you for the whole day, staying for lunch, etc. Or would you take it to mean you could just pop in for some of it and make other plans for the rest of the day?

This is the situation with my best friend who was invited "for Christmas Day", so planned and catered for, but she's just said "Oh don't worry about feeding me" (she's a vegetarian) But DP has already got in veggie options. Presumably she isn't going to sit and watch us eat so I can only assume that she's made other plans for the afternoon. If she's done this I'll be really annoyed and upset :( I was looking forward to spending some Christmas time with her.

FWIW she's our only visitor invited "for Christmas Day"

I would let her know you have a vegetarian option for her as you’d assumed she was having lunch, she might be being polite and feel she is putting you out as she doesn’t eat meat.

I have a friend who I saw Christmas day for many years, he'd pop in for a glass of something at about 1030am. If I invited someone for Christmas Day - unless I knew that they were spending it alone- I'd assume they were popping in for an hour. Either way I'd double check when/how long in it advance. Did you not talk about it?

I’m vegetarian and I say this to people because I don’t want to give them the bother of catering especially for me. Of course it’s lovely when they insist it will be no problem! Call her, tell her what you have planned, see what she says.

'Christmas day,' without the mention of lunch/dinner could be perceived as a drop in for drinks and snacks either before or after the meal.
But if your plan is for her to be there for at least part of the meal then it's good you got food in for her. It'd be worse if you'd misunderstood and she wanted feeding but wasn't catered for.
Don't let it spoil your day. She can stay for lunch or not, presumably it won't make that much difference.
I cooked Xmas dinner for 10 years for one woman and she now hates me. Lol

I’d probably assume it was an all day invitation initially but if I hadn’t heard anything from the hosts about what sort of food was going to be served / asked to contribute something / been checked in with about dietary preferences etc in the fortnight preceding then I’d change that assumption and conclude I wasn’t being invited for food and plan accordingly.

I wouldn't assume anything; I'd say, 'How lovely, thanks. What time should I turn up and did you mean for a meal? Drinks? What can I bring?...'

If I was the one extending the invitation I'd say e.g. 'Please come and have Christmas lunch with us at x o'clock, and you're welcome to stay as long as you like' (with a disclaimer that nothing very exciting will be happening, just film-watching/reading etc, and that they may need to take a turn at opening a bottle/putting the kettle on/getting the leftovers out of the fridge).

Whichever way, I wouldn't leave it at 'come for Christmas Day'. I think you've both been a bit vague and disorganised.

In a 'general way' I'd take it to mean arriving after the family has opened gifts, etc, and had time to get ready for guests. If Xmas Dinner is early to mid afternoon, I'd probably arrive around 1 or so and stay til 7-8 ish so they had time to relax together before bedtime. If I was at a friend's who has Xmas Dinner 6 ish, I wouldn't show up til around 4 and I'd leave when they got sick of me. Of course, my children and some of our very close friends are welcome to show up here at the crack of dawn and stay til the next day, and vice versa for us with them lol.

I always thinks it's best that if you invite someone for 'Xmas Day', you actually tell them when to show up: "Mary, we'd love you to spend Xmas Day with us. Why don't you come over at <insert time> and spend the day with us. Dinner will be at <insert time>".

Yes, that’s not very welcoming.

Personally I would always be a bit more specific than extending an invite for "Christmas Day". Suggest a time for arrival and let the invitee know what time you will be having your Christmas meal. In our family we don't eat until 4pm earliest but my in laws it was always 12.00 on the dot !

Everyone does it slightly differently / eats at different times etc. It might be she is trying to make it simpler so you don't have to cook veggie options.

I'd imagine it meant to arrive late morning/ lunchtime and be there for Xmas Dinner and into the evening. I wouldn't be making any other plans around that.

Is she just worried you'll think she's a hassle to provide a veggie option for?

I’d take that to arrive around 12pm and leave about 4.30/5pm.

Agree. It's kind of ungrateful to go 'don't feed me' when that's clearly the invite!

If you want to be kind, I'd say 'hey friend, just to be clear you're invited for dinner tomorrow and we have food in for you :) but let us know when to expect you and when you have to go if you've got other things on. Dinner will be at Food o'clock'

Maybe she didn't want to make you goto the trouble of veggie options? Definitely tell her you already have something in if she wants to stay!

I don't know if it's cultural, but the vague "invitations" irritate me no end.

Of course you clarify with the host, but how hard is it to invite people for "lunch"with details of the time, it would mean 1pm for most people I know but not on MN apparently) ,or for "diner" (tends to be 8 or 8:30pm arrival for most people, but again not on MN)

I have also been invited at 4pm in the afternoon! Why? It's far too late for lunch, my kids will go mental, but then it's far too early for diner, no one is hungry at that time. And the host plans on a full meal. People are weird.

It reminds me of the Vicar of Dibley and all the lunches!
It's just a mis communication. I once cooked an entire Xmas lunch on boxing day for all the inlaws, only to find out that dh hadn't actually told them!
Ho hum!

Has anyone seen the original version of "Speak no evil" (not the recent remake)? SPOILERS but it about a middle-class couple who get murdered and their daughter trafficked because they're too socially awkward to stick up for themselves when confronted with polite psychopaths. I thought it was ridiculous, but reading threads like this make it seem completely plausible. In other words, give your head the classic mumsnet wobble, then TALK TO YOUR MATE FFS.

For Christmas Day definitely means for Christmas Lunch/Dinner! I’d expect to be arriving prior to lunch and leaving in the evening. It’s her who’s weird. Just clarify the times with her - arrival and departure - and say you have veggie food for her.

She’s probably trying ‘not to be any trouble’ and actually causing more trouble and stress.

We've plans to go to the local pub for a couple of drinks around 12 and she's confirmed that bit. I've just messaged saying "11 tomorrow?" Because that was the original plan. She has a new boyfriend so maybe she's changed her mind.....

She may have meant don’t make a veggie alternative just for her, I’m happy with all the trimmings (as long as without duck fat etc).

I'll call her, you're all right, I need to bite the bullet!

What were the actual messages?

Could she have assumed you meant just going to hers for 11 and then to the pub for a bit?

Invited for christmas day would mean to me arriving sometime around mid morning, having dinner and staying into the evening. I would however clarify by way of asking 'what time should we come over and what can we bring?'.

We did have a couple of friends we invited for christmas day once. instructions were VERY clear. We suggested arriving around 11 - 12ish, as we'd be aiming to serve a 3 course full christmas dinner at about 2. They arrived at 1.15 (so at least before dinner, although I was thinking they were cutting it a bit fine). They barely touched the starter, no probs, maybe not their thing although I had checked they indeed ate what I was serving, served the turkey etc and neither ate very much of that either. I asked if everything was ok and my friend proudly stated that they were fine, just really full up from breakfsat as her DH loves a full english on christmas day and as they got up late they didn't eat it until 12.
FFS. really?
Didn't invite them the following year. I though that was just plain rude.

You sure she doesn't just mean she will have the veg and gravy so you don't need to cater for her? DH is veggie in that he doesn't eat meat but would have meat gravy, Sunday lunch he just has meat free

Not if she hasn't realised the invite includes Christmas dinner.

I would want to clarify as it could mean all day, or a couple of hours at some point in the day.

All day could be a bit intense depending on friend/st up.