Exh left kids alone - handhold

[userfriendly55]

NC for this.

my 2 children have just got home from a weekend with their dad. My eldest who is nearly 10 told me that their dad left them in his house to go to the Tesco express in his village. It is very close to his house but by the time he would have got there, done the shopping and got back I estimate he’d have left them for a good 25 minutes. our youngest is nearly 7.

He has done this before a couple of years ago. I went mad and exh promised not to do it again. Yet here we are. I know they are older now so I’m not quite as angry but I’m still a bit angry and upset. Our youngest is very accident prone. The irony is is that my exh is supposedly very risk averse and hasn’t been taking them out of the house much because of the storms, but thinks it is ok to leave a not yet 7 year old home alone!!

I have started to leave our nearly 10 year old for short periods to build up independence but I have NEVER left the younger one too.

AIBU to be angry still? I just don’t know what to do or say. If I message ex we will end up just arguing and I’m not convinced it will achieve anything.

They’re 10 and 7? I don’t really see the issue.

How old will you leave them for short time? It's not like leaving a child in the bath?

I leave mine 10 and 8 for a short nip to the shops.

Quite normal tbh.

There's no legal minimum age for leaving children home alone, but leaving them alone where it places them at risk is. It sounds like he's done his own personal risk assessment and decided they are safe. If he's done it before, I don't think he'll change. I think one of the best things you can do is some emergency preparedness with the kids. Maybe give them an emergency phone; they need to learn their address and emergency numbers. They should not answer the door to strangers, and they need to know how to escape a fire and basic first aid etc.

I can't see the issue myself. I left mine at same ages

No way would I leave a 6 year old at home!

Not sure what you can do though tbh.

If they're sensible kids there's no issue.

I leave my 10 year old to go to the shop around the corner with no issues. The door is locked and he knows not to open it (he knows how to get out in an emergency though) and just watches tv or goes on his tablet or reads a book in his room.

A nearly 7 year old is actually a 6 year old. I wouldn't have left a 10 and a 6 year old alone when mine were that age. I think that's quite a big difference from a 10 and 8 yr old...

That said, i don't think it's worth losing your rag over. As the previous poster said, he won't change.

Hmm, I think 9 and 6 are too young for being left alone.

It depends if he has given them fire safety information and what to do if someone comes to the door etc, If they have access to a phone for an emergency. If he's a twat and unlikely to have done this, then personally I think it's too young.
Sounds like he's in a village and not in a busy town which is maybe a plus though.
it is worrying, I get it.

I don’t think it’s right leaving the 6yr old as it’s essentially leaving a 6yr old in the care and responsibility of a 9yr old whilst he’s out, which I personally think is too young in case something happens. I wouldn’t like this.

Yeah, I’ve done the same. My 6 year old was always pretty good for her brother and sister who would have been 9 and 10 at the time. Would have been the same amount of time.

I think it depends on the children. I can't yet leave my ASD 14 year old.

I don't always like being in charge of my six year old, I wouldn't expect it from a ten year old. 10 year old solo while you pop to the shop probably ok in most cases, but not to be in charge of the younger sibling

I couldn’t get worked up about this op.

Handhold is a bit extreme.

There’s no way I’d leave a 6 year old to be looked after by a 10 year old. I’m with you OP, completely bonkers.

9 and 6 are too young IMO but not so young I'd go running to social services. Infuriating, yes. Sorry you're struggling OP

Nah it’s fine

I'd never of left a 9 and 6 year old alone and I'm surprised so many people are saying they would.

Ours are 10&8 we've left them for similar amounts of time, handhold is over the top. Save the battles for things that really matter, he won't do everything how you would - that's just life.

yes this is how I feel

maybe I am overreacting which makes me feel a bit better actually

but my ex doesn’t have a landline and the children don’t have a phone so they couldn’t contact him

I have left my 9yo alone.. I am considering leaving my nearly 7yo with him but I haven't done so yet. But my 9yo is very mature and responsible however my 6yo is not. My worry is about leaving her with him and that shouldn't be his responsibility if she panics. I don't worry about him at all. He's 9 going on 40. You could ask him about any emergency scenario that might occur and he would give you a good answer of how he would deal with it.. where he would get help, who to call and how etc

Personally I think kids being left alone at home for a short time during the day does tend to start being OK from around this age.
There's no legal age just that you need to be sure your kids can cope. You could be accused of neglect if they are any age under 18 and they do not cope or something happens to them.

So it really just comes down to how you feel as a parent.
And unfortunately they have two homes and their parents don't agree on whether or not it's OK.
But the thing is as their parent he does have the legal right to make that choice when he is caring for them.
Unless you can prove that they came to harm or were at specific risk somehow whilst he did this.. there's nothing you can actually do about it.
Apart from trying to talk him into seeing it from your perspective.

I just saw that he doesn't have a landlines..
That's a big issue to me that you should take him up on. I only leave my son at home for short periods arned with a phone and a list of numbers to ring if he needs anything or is worried in any way.
That does seem todoculous leaving them at home with no way to contact anyone.
What if he gets hit by a car and doesn't make it home? What would they do then when they've got no phone or list of people to call for help and advice?
I'd be having words with him about getting a landline installed if he intends to leave them even for a short period.. or even a spare mobile that can at least make emergency services calls.
I hope they are able to get out of the house, like they have a set of keys or the door is just a yale lock?? If he's leaving them unattended and there's a fire they need to be able to get out of the house

Depends on the situation really. Do they know what to do in an emergency? Do they know any of the neighbours? Do they know how to get out of the flat / house if needed?

If all that is covered I don't see the issue unless you had an agreement to discuss everything beforehand. In most custody situations the parents make the calls for their own homes?

Anecdotally I left my kids alone now and again at 10/6 for a quick run to the local shops etc but they know all our neighbours, we have a home phone and my daughter is super responsible etc.