Exh left kids alone - handhold

[userfriendly55]

NC for this.

my 2 children have just got home from a weekend with their dad. My eldest who is nearly 10 told me that their dad left them in his house to go to the Tesco express in his village. It is very close to his house but by the time he would have got there, done the shopping and got back I estimate he’d have left them for a good 25 minutes. our youngest is nearly 7.

He has done this before a couple of years ago. I went mad and exh promised not to do it again. Yet here we are. I know they are older now so I’m not quite as angry but I’m still a bit angry and upset. Our youngest is very accident prone. The irony is is that my exh is supposedly very risk averse and hasn’t been taking them out of the house much because of the storms, but thinks it is ok to leave a not yet 7 year old home alone!!

I have started to leave our nearly 10 year old for short periods to build up independence but I have NEVER left the younger one too.

AIBU to be angry still? I just don’t know what to do or say. If I message ex we will end up just arguing and I’m not convinced it will achieve anything.

Yes. In countries like Germany and Switzerland, it's very normal for 5-6 year old children to walk to school in groups. I used to go to Switzerland on holiday and we always saw groups of young primary-aged children catching the train without a single adult in sight.

The risk of your child dying when they cross the road is greater - maybe children should just be shut inside with a parent 24/7 just in case?

The 10 year old isn't an issue. However, I wouldn't leave a 10 year old in charge of a 6/7 year old. It's too much responsibility for a pre teen.

Surely the kid would be watching telly downstairs? So if the house did suddenly spontaneously combust they would just walk into the garden?

I agree it’s not great to do regularly for long periods but I wouldn’t make a massive deal out of it.

When we lived in Germany they had to be collected until age 10.
5yos don't even go to school there... they are at Kintergarten.

@DowntonCrabbie what a disgusting comment to make.

Well, as with everything, it must vary by area.

There's an interesting article in Le Monde about it's still encouraged for first graders to walk to school alone (as in, without parents) but in a group of peers.

I used to leave mine for short periods at similar ages, they were pretty sensible though

Crazy concept, but phones aren’t confined to use in one room anymore.
Of course the first advice is to get out. But if you can’t get out, you call 999.
Do you think the fire service just monitors phone calls to 999? Of course they go to house fires and rescue people.
I’m absolutely baffled that people think it’s ok to leave a small child in the house alone with no way of calling 999. It’s completely indefensible. I must be in a parallel universe. I don’t get it. I’ve no more to add to the thread and hope to god your kids never need help in an emergency when they’ve been left alone.

https://www.lemonde.fr/en/intimacy/article/2024/07/18/in-germany-children-go-to-school-alone-but-with-their-gps-trackers_6688643_310.html

I never did it, because I have terrible anxiety, but it’s not illegal-as long as they’re not left at risk.

Yes, the comment I was reacting to was terrible, wasn't it?

I actually never said it was okay for them to be left without a phone, I just think you're massively over-estimating how useful a phone would be in a case where a child is trapped in a room due to (in your own words) fumes, smoke and flames.

As with everything, it's about risk. The likelihood of your home bursting into flames while your nine year old sits and watches TV is so small as to be almost zero. Of course I would leave a child with a phone, but if there was really a fire that was so bad they couldn't get out of the door, the chances are that they wouldn't be able to make a phone call either.

Sounds ok to me unless the children are very irresponsible.

This. His call to decide if they're OK to be left alone or not.

Yup.

If they're NT then that's 2 years too late to have learned to dress themselves.

No your comment was as you well know. Vile.

I think a 6 year old is too young to be left and I definitely think a 10 year old is too young to babysit a 6 year old.

It’s pure laziness to not take them shopping with you.

But they are his kids too and he gets to do what he wants.

Depending on your relationship, I would probably tell him how I feel again and ask that he holds off leaving them until they are a bit older.
But this may be something that you just have to get used to.

KnittedCardi · Today 09:54

Meanwhile in the rest of the world young children get themselves to and from school alone. We are such a fearful nation.
Ive seen kids randomly crossing roads and nearly getting hit, or messing too close to the road, messing and shouting at people, in one case myself and another parent stopped a waayyyy too small kid being bothered by older kids. Just because a child can physically walk from a to b doesn’t mean they should

You clearly didn't understand the exchange at all

In the real world, nobody thinks it's ok to let a 9 year old babysit a 6 year old. Noone on this thread would do it, no idea why they're all bullshitting here.

The dad has nipped to the shop near the house. I can't believe that there's a whole long conversation on this thread about the house spontaneously busting into flames, and all the ridiculous 'what ifs'.

I could have and very likely did leave my children briefly at that age. No-one in authority is going to pull the dad up for leaving a 10 and nearly seven year old, to go to a nearby shop.

I don't think you are overreacting at all. The chances of something bad happening to them are very slim, but the fact is that it could still happen. No 10 year old should be responsible for a 6 year old, no matter how 'mature' they might seem. They are still a child and if there's a fire or someone broke in, there is actually little they could do. They were given no means to communicate either.

If it helps to get it across to your ex, mention the NSPCC don't recommend leaving a child under 12 at home and you feel that they were put in an unsafe situation (especially your 6 year old). It might make him think twice.

www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/in-the-home/home-alone/

saraclara · Today 19:50

The dad has nipped to the shop near the house. I can't believe that there's a whole long conversation on this thread about the house spontaneously busting into flames, and all the ridiculous 'what ifs'.

They are ridiculous but in the real world the more realistic worries are that one would decide to follow the dad, or the two would fight, or they’d decide to make some food or try something they’re not usually allowed to do. Even worse if eg there’s pets in the house or a nosy neighbour who’ll call child services on you.

And In the real world nipping to the shop isn’t a thing, you might get stuck behind someone slow at the counter, or forget something and decide ‘just a few more minutes’.