Disgusted by inability to delay gratification

[KeepYourHandsOutOfTheFridge]

We get the usual "special" foods for Christmas. Most of them (chocs, cake, etc) are put away upstairs, but the collection of posh cheeses are in the fridge.

I've just found out DH has eaten a big chunk of one cheese, and drunk one of his bottles of expensive drink. He says he'll go and buy replacements. I have said that is not the point.
These are expensive treats for us.
In my family, Christmas didn't start until Christmas day. DH and I discussed this, and agreed a compromise this year that we would start eating the nice stuff on Christmas Eve for a change (just us two in the eve, big family meal on the day itself).

I am disgusted - this shows a total lack of self control and ability to delay gratification - he is like a five-year-old with no self control. He is just destroying the sense of anticipation and looking forward to sharing the treats together.

Would this give you the rage?

You mentioned that in your family your tradition was to wait. Also that you discussed this with him and he agreed. I'm thinking he's not totally on board with this! Rather than asking him if he'd agree with your tradition, next time ask him what he would like to do. It's more of an open discussion that way.

I think people just see it differently nowadays.

I grew up like you OP - nothing was to be touched at all until Christmas Eve. I think the principle was a good one - there was the build up and anticipation, but times have changed. People start with the eating/drinking/festivities in general way before the day itself, so it doesn't make sense to just count down the days til Christmas Eve to touch one lot of food, when your days are spent out at light trails/having meals out/activities with friends where you're 'allowed' to treat yourself, and then come home and stare longingly at a block of cheese you're not allowed to touch 😂

He can eat what he likes, he's an adult, unless he's eaten something that you'd bought specifically for you or for part of a meal then it's extremely controlling and a bit weird to be telling him what he can and can't eat in his own home. I kind of can see where it might have come from though. I'm in my fifties and my parents were brought up in the war,Food was a big deal to them and especially so round Christmas, my mum would gatekeeep food because it had been scarce when she was growing up and she couldn't get out of the habit, it rubbed off on me a little bit and I do ' put back' food for Christmas, but I can see that in this day and age it's a bit daft.

There can be different ways to celebrate. For me the big bit of christmas is the build up really. Not the bit after. The treats start around the equinox as around then is usually when the kids stop school. Because its the shortest day i'll tell the kids we are past midwinter and headed for spring!

The waiting bit is for father christmas who obviously only comes on christmas day. We don't do christmas eve or advent boxes with extra gifts. Boxing day we are always visiting family and the 27th onwards is time to just relax as a family.

I understand the cheese, but I couldn't get worked up about the drink as long as it was replaced like for like.

You sound very controlling and seem to think your attitude is superior. Life is short and difficult. What a shame you weren’t brought up to celebrate life and find joy everyday. To be disgusted with the person you supposedly love, over a piece of cheese and a drink is si sad. How ungrateful and self centred you are.

I bet you can make a roast chicken go a long way, can't you OP 😉

@KeepYourHandsOutOfTheFridge
I think it's important to realise how we're all different when it comes to

1. Self control and ability to delay gratification. I have two DS, 11 and 14. One of them (14) has a real problem with self control and finished his chocolate calender the first day. The other one loves to open one every morning. He doesn't struggle to not eat more than he should whereas for my eldest it's really hard. He now regrets having entend all ofcourse but that's how you learn. Why do you think ozempic is necessary for some to loose weight? We are not all equal when it comes to self control and we shouldn't judge each other. He said he would replace it so it really doesn't hurt you in any way, right?

1. Anticipation and looking forward to sharing the treats together. This is surely due to your upbringing. Him taking some before does not mean he's not looking forward to sharing the treats together. You are extremely rigid in your ways and you ought to relax a bit and realise there is no "right" way of doing things, just different way of doing things.

You can’t dictate what he does, presumably it’s his food too

Life’s too short to be so angry about what someone else chooses to eat. If my husband got furious with me about making a choice to eat something I’d genuinely be considering my options.

You really need to loosen up.

If it was an ingredient for a recipe I'd be miffed but other than that I don't think I'd be bothered.

I feel so sorry for your husband - to feel disgust because he ate some cheese?! Your post is so visceral and contemptuous over an absolute non-event. It’s genuinely saddening.

I think coming from a big family may have something to do with this OP. Maybe you struggle with someone taking your "share" my dad came from a family where there wasn't quite enough food and it was very carefully shared our. Years later when our house was full of food he would often comment that someone had a bigger portion than him or ask where the rest of his portion was. We all just laughed because there was always loads but he was really sensitive to it.

you sound fun OP!

I fear op was born far too late. The Puritan era would suit her far better!

Mince pies are heathen and idolatrous things.

I agree with you OP, but I'm afraid we live in a "I want it and I'm having it" age now. Much more pleasurable to wait imo.

Much more pleasurable to wait imo.

But isn’t the point that the OP is forcing her husband to wait for the “pleasure” when he, a grown man, has made the decision that he would like some nice cheese on the 23rd. The OP can (silently) disagree and think that it would be better to wait, but why her way and not his?

And for the stupid marshmallow gratification study thing. Isn’t the point of delayed gratification being “good” for you about things that actually matter - as in, are you able to save money rather than splurge, can you save and invest for years to achieve financial security, will you be secure in your old age? ... it’s not ACTUALLY about cheese.

I am perfectly able to delay things - I am a fastidious saver, our family plans ahead for things like holidays and big days out, I don’t make dangerous choices for quick endorphins hits… And yet equally, I am happily tucking into the baileys and chocolates and cheese board because I want to (and so is DH). What my Mother and Father would do and what I grew up with (quite a different Christmas to the one I do now actually) doesn’t come into it because that’s the joy of being an adult (another joy you have to wait 18+ years for! 😛)

If fairness, she may have agreed whilst he was ‘instructed’ … I suspect this is more the case to be honest as he clearly didn’t agree and go along with it.

Unless he's eaten a crucial part of the meal for Christmas Day it's a non issue. He wanted some cheese and there was some to eat and time to buy more. I started on my cheese last week as well as the mince pies.

I do have a strict hands off rule for anything I'm doing for Christmas lunch like the meat and champagne.

Don't you share stuff over the Christmas meal? Do you have to make a point of opening the cheese together and waiting until the other one is available? Seems a bit OTT for some cheese that can be replaced and some drink that's his anyway.

Live a little, it's Christmas!

Ha ha, we started on the after eights a week ago - two in the evening, a nice treat. If you ate all the Christmas goodies on the day itself you would feel pretty nauseous!

You sound controlling and weird.

just because your family did it one way doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with wanting a bit of treat food 2 days before Christmas ffs.

As long as he’s not eating food planned for meals or to take as a gift it’s surely fine.

Keeping food upstairs seems weird too.

Mind you I’m about to have a mince pie for breakfast

He ate it on the 23rd, sounds reasonable enough. It sounds like you are policing what he does?

Also there's no such thing as "ruining the anticipation". You can still anticipate lovely food, even if you've eaten lovely food. In a sense, I am in a permanent state of anticipating my next cheese, even as I eat my current cheese.