Disgusted by inability to delay gratification

[KeepYourHandsOutOfTheFridge]

We get the usual "special" foods for Christmas. Most of them (chocs, cake, etc) are put away upstairs, but the collection of posh cheeses are in the fridge.

I've just found out DH has eaten a big chunk of one cheese, and drunk one of his bottles of expensive drink. He says he'll go and buy replacements. I have said that is not the point.
These are expensive treats for us.
In my family, Christmas didn't start until Christmas day. DH and I discussed this, and agreed a compromise this year that we would start eating the nice stuff on Christmas Eve for a change (just us two in the eve, big family meal on the day itself).

I am disgusted - this shows a total lack of self control and ability to delay gratification - he is like a five-year-old with no self control. He is just destroying the sense of anticipation and looking forward to sharing the treats together.

Would this give you the rage?

I doubt your husband's success in life is dependent on when he eats some cheese.

Do you tell him how to eat it too, or is it just time restrictions?

My uncle opens everything when he receives it, chocolate, cakes, buns. He doesn’t keep anything for another ‘better’ time, he always says ‘I could die in my sleep tonight and you would all be eating the chocolates at my funeral tomorrow’ I agree with him.

I think if it's replaced its OK, and do you actually need it for Christmas day?. I have just had an argument about my DP eating all the smoked salmon tonight that is planned for boxing day, I'm definitely not going to shop to replace it, and we can do without it. But there is loads of other snacky stuff that could be eaten, and who eats a whole pack of smoked salmon because they fancied a snack.

I was {am} one of 3 siblings.. and we too looked at each millilitre of coke or lemonade and portion of ice cream as kids in case the others got more.
We weren't poor either.

Honestly OP, don't you have a social life? People here have been having work Christmas dos, morning teas, lunches, etc. for the whole of December - and, shock, horror, eating "treat food".

To me, this isn't a matter of rage, but only irritation.

However, you have two issues here. First is his inability to wait. That might be a complex issue related to his upbringing, and you might even think about whether it much matters if it's only food-related. But second, there's the issue that you had an agreement. Even if it was just a casual agreement, that seems more of an issue, and it's worth asking him if this means that his word is worthless.

Funny, this reminds me of an instance where there was a box of doughnuts, and someone took a bite out of every single one. He was just curious to taste, and was oblivious of anything else.

I'm coming to believe, though, that many people are unfamiliar with, or antithetical to, the concept of anticipation. They want to know the movie plot beforehand, for instance. Maybe it's a trend. Then again, consumer society discourages self-control.

Goodness yes, so greedy, ignores replacement stollen safely stashed in inaccessible cupboard as safeguard against casual ingestion.

Actually he is not wrong, no harm in starting Christmas eating early. Christmas noshing should be a gentle curve, starting small, getting more intense, then tailing off again.

Your title says "disgusted by inability to delay gratification'.

Disgusted is a weird term to describe your husband eating a bit of cheese in the fridge and weirder to say he's like a 5yo for eating a bit of cheese.

He's an adult and can eat cheese when he wants.

I think you get pleasure in delayed gratification, you are proud of your moral strength to resist temptation. Your DH gets pleasure from cheese.

This thread is so funny some of the replies have had me in stitches but "Cheeses of Nazareth" omg that finished me off.
Should be a contender for the classics.

Life is too short for this nonsense "delayed gratification" 🙄
Just live and let live and don't be a dictator. You can't eat everything in one day anyway

Lol
..1 year I ate...and replaced 3 Christmas cake bars because I chomped through them before Christmas Day. I literally have to get OH to hide treat food from me.

For crying out loud OP. You say he has eaten a chunk of cheese and one of his bottles of expensisve drink - this indicates there is still some left, so you can still share your evening meal. Honestly, you are coming across as so Puritanical, it's ridiculous. How your DH puts up with this I really don't know, he deserves a medal.

The majority on this thread disagree with you, and yet still you insist that your way is the only way. Lighten up a bit and you might just find life more enjoyable.

Do you have issues around food and controlling what you and others around you eat. Your reaction (rage and disgust) feel extremely emotional and excessive.

OP - I'm with you. He sounds like a giant greedy toddler, and it's really unattractive!

How strange to invent such lurid details like standing over the sink and swigging from the bottle. Almost as if you knew merely eating some cheese and drinking some wine wasn't, in fact, disgusting or oafish, so you had to embellish the scenario.

I don't think anyone should put that much emotional energy into "envisioning" how a cheeseboard is best consumed. Obviously her husband envisioned it differently, as is his right.

Delayed gratification has its place if it's functional - if, for example, I have a restaurant booked where I will eat a 15-course tasting menu for dinner, it's sensible to hold off on lunch even if I'm hungry. Other than that it can go hang, really. Food is a source of joy, eat what you want when you want.

Agree.

I think some people have such incredibly low standards that they can't envision ceremonial, well-planned, jointly enjoyed special occasions.

Like my cousins who eat Christmas lunch on paper plates in front of the TV, gobbling as though badgers are after their meals. They can't imagine executing a well-planned, decorous, gracious sharing of food and drink. Just inhale as fast and as often as possible.

This is bonkers. The Christmas markets start in November, mid December is the peak time for office parties, should we be stringently forcing ourselves not to eat a mince pie during these times? Similarly it’s fine to eat a Christmas pudding in February but it wouldn’t have the same magic. All the build up to Xmas is part of Xmas. If he says he’s going to replace it, what’s the problem.

As for delayed gratification it’s often people who believe in it enjoy enforcing it on others.

Very well said, @MsAmerica

I can't abide people who don't savor anticipation and the sense of occasion.

Poor bastard can't munch a bit of cheese on Christmas eve eve in his own home in peace.
Jesus Christ woman get a life. And therapy.

I haven't RTFT, just your replies. I do get where you're coming from - you envisaged enjoying the food in a special way together as a shared experience.

But the thinking around it is quite overkill and judgemental. Your story reminds me of a friend of mine who I travelled with a while ago. She had such a clear picture of how things would go (sometimes not even expressed to me!) and if I deviated from it / events got in the way she struggled to recover and enjoy the experience. So much so that she became quite agitated by my meal choice at a restaurant once (she hadn't told me that she'd imagined us sharing particular dishes that had been well reviewed online!).

I won't travel with her again - she's a lovely person and wonderful friend, but she was so focused on events going in line with her plan for them that she didn't actually care about my experience of them - it felt more like I was a prop for her perfect scene in some ways. I'd struggle with a life partner wanting to exert that level of control over my choices.

The irony was that I felt it made her enjoy things less, as she couldn't handle any change from her ideal scene. Isn't that the case here? You say there is enough cheese for you to have together tomorrow. For you, it will be the first time eating it and the special, unique experience you want to it to be. You will enjoy the food and have a nice time relaxing with your partner at Christmas. Whether he's eaten it recently or not should be irrelevant (or at the very least a minor niggle that you brush off). I'm not trying to be judgemental, but I just really do feel that would be a more pleasant mindset to be in if you could get yourself there.

But OP and her husband had a plan and an agreement.

Whether that was to eat five mince pies apiece every day in December or one on New Year's Eve, he's demonstrated to her that their plan and shared experience mean zero to him. He'd went ahead without her.

He'd just as soon gorge himself alone as share a special Christmas treat with her.

It says that some members of society are very controlling.

I'm with you, to a certain extent, OP.

All this 'Christmas is a season' - yes, I'm old-fashioned and to me Christmas is a season - that begins on Christmas Day (or perhaps on Christmas Eve) and lasts until New Year's Day or Twelfth Night. It doesn't begin in early/mid December, that's Advent (which by the way, refers to the coming of Jesus, not a way to buy yourself 24 beauty items, but that's for another thread).

I also have food and drink I've bought especially for Christmas Day - and no it won't all get eaten in one day, we'll enjoy it for the following few days too.

If you start eating the 'special' food now, then it isn't special any more on Christmas Day.

So I would be irritated. Unless he had bought it himself.

Is it not up to him to decide what he eats, as an adult? If he replaces what he's had I don't see the actual problem here.