Disgusted by inability to delay gratification

[KeepYourHandsOutOfTheFridge]

We get the usual "special" foods for Christmas. Most of them (chocs, cake, etc) are put away upstairs, but the collection of posh cheeses are in the fridge.

I've just found out DH has eaten a big chunk of one cheese, and drunk one of his bottles of expensive drink. He says he'll go and buy replacements. I have said that is not the point.
These are expensive treats for us.
In my family, Christmas didn't start until Christmas day. DH and I discussed this, and agreed a compromise this year that we would start eating the nice stuff on Christmas Eve for a change (just us two in the eve, big family meal on the day itself).

I am disgusted - this shows a total lack of self control and ability to delay gratification - he is like a five-year-old with no self control. He is just destroying the sense of anticipation and looking forward to sharing the treats together.

Would this give you the rage?

I'm with you. If there is one thing that gives me the ick it's a self-indulgent man-child who cannot control himself.

Not to mention those treats were to be enjoyed together, not gobbled on the sly by him. I would find it quite repulsive.

I cannot judge you for I too would have eaten the Holy Pringles of Christmas. *

We shall be forgiven... for it is the season of goodwill and forgiveness 🙏🏻 (and I'll just pop to the co op tomorrow and replace them 😬)
@AngelinaFibres

They weren't gobbled on the sly, OP could have had some. Although when people use overly emotive language around food/eating like you have I suspect it's as they have food issues.

They might be 2 for 1. Oh please let it come to pass that a Virgin was delivered of a Stilton wheel and a multi buy of Pringles.

I grew up in a household where mother decided what we ate the Christmas bits, that started with mince pies on Christmas Eve . Every morsel had a time and place

Luckily us girls grew up rebellious , Christmas cake was for Boxing Day morning, along with a slab of cheese and a mug of tea :)

We here,( DH and I ) and I know my sisters are the same, tend to make dinner the focal point on Christmas Day , none of us are religious so dont do Church or Chapel, all our kids are adults, so its all focussed on the feast of the day - and no one, just no one is eating anymore after that

So the Christmas cake got cut yesterday - for a wee treat mid afternoon as dinner was going to be late. Mums been poorly and is picking at food, so the smoked salmon was opened today - to tempt her to eat something

If we didnt open and start eating the bits bought, Id be binning them in the new year

I have some beautiful cheeses, might make some the focus of lunch tomorrow because I can assure you, no room in belly on Wednesday

For me the extras are there to enjoy during the holiday period, which for many started Friday this year. This is my first Christmas off in 20 years, usually Id have Christmas Day and sometimes Boxing Day , id be well pee'd if I could only have treat stuff in that 48 hr window

I’m sorry Op but I’m not surprised he wasn’t pushed about waiting to have it with you because I just can’t imagine there’d be much enjoyment in that. I mean look at the language you use around this - your rage and disgust, your judgement, your absolutely batshit belief that eating “treat” foods before Christmas Day is some failure of character or morality, somehow damaging society. I don’t for one second believe you’re suddenly relaxed about what and how much is eaten once a certain date has been reached.

Your posts here actually remind me of my dad. Control freakery for no other reason than my way is the correct way, based on precisely nothing. Absolutely joyless.

No, she doesn't have an eating disorder. What an obnoxious suggestion.

Planning special treats to have together, only to find that some oaf has gone in and gobbled them in advance, is annoying.

She envisioned a shared, special, celebratory experience, not someone standing over the sink stuffing in the brie and swigging from a bottle all alone, leaving the dregs for her.

I was saving our smoked salmon for Christmas day last year. Then a couple of days before Christmas, I casually mentioned to DH that I just fancied a bit of smoked salmon with some salad. He encouraged me to open it and I was going "oh, no, I can't, it's for Christmas Day!" and he said "well, if you'll enjoy it, just have it, we can buy more later". So we did, Christmas Day was not ruined and I bloody enjoyed that pre-Christmas salmon!

DH has taught me to be a bit less uptight about "rules" around things like that.

All of that can still happen as more will be purchased.

Kudos for the use of "oaf" though, proper retro insult.

But it is only a few days - just that its a different few days for different people. The whole point of the thread, and in this case the difference between OP and her husband is literally a few hours.

Oh boohoo. He's a grown up. Let him eat and enjoy. If this is the biggest issue in your life then I'd say things are too bad. He's not a fcuking child. Honestly, you've come onto mumsnet to have a go about your husband eating and drinking and it doesn't suit when you feel he should enjoy it. Hope he thoroughly enjoyed it. You sound like a right weapon.

Actually, I understand you.
I grew up in extreme food poverty, so I feel unable to 'let go' of the feeling that 'special food' needs to be protected at all costs?

I'm much more comfortable now, but I just can't seem to shake that feeling that everything we've bought needs to be saved "for the big day".

Rationally, I know it's ridiculous. The sky isn't going to fall down if DH has some Brie tonight? And Christmas won't be "ruined" as a result.
But, it's difficult to disentangle those feelings.

She envisioned a shared, special, celebratory experience,

Am I missing something?? It's a bit of cheese 🧀 He hasn't singlehandedly devoured their wedding cake.

Unless there's a massive drip feed about the wedding cake.....🎂

I think most siblings are like that. My two are definitely like that - would weigh out slices of cake to ensure it was absolutely equal given the chance. They have plenty of food and never had to fight over it.
I don’t think this necessarily explains your control over the food.

I like to wait as long as possible then things last longer (though I take it too far - have just opened some shortbread 4 months out of date!) but DP will open Christmas treat food sooner and it doesn’t bother me in general. What does annoy me greatly is when he can’t help himself helping himself to something of mine. Most recently he ate a Mars Bar I’d bought for that afternoon - had left it lying on the side and he swiped it. He knew I’d bought it and it’s not something I often have, but he took it anyway, and said he’d replace it when I questioned him about it. He hasn’t, and the point is it wasn’t there for when I had looked forward to it (it wasn’t not worth an hour’s trip to replace myself). Not long ago I opened a bottle of wine I had as a present, and poured him a glass. He refilled his glass then moved the bottle to his chair. He drinks most days, this was a rare treat for me and I’d planned to have another glass the next day. So I now hide treats in my office and ration them to make sure I get my share.

I don’t know where you’re seeing judgement in my post, we’re low income and put on weight easily, this isn’t about you.

Christmas is a season. Half our Christmas cake is gone (friends came round), a jar of stilton, some booze..
Chocs have been given away/eaten/ replaced.
Couldn't just do one day's gobbling, and it wouldn't be practical. It was nice to have things in when people turned up.

I totally recognise that - only three of us, and we were a bit short of cash but not starving... but we watched each other like dogs because of 'fairness'. And fairness is very important to children.

And also, it was expected that men and boys could eat what they liked, while girls could not. And that was unfair too.

So maybe that's triggering. It's unfair for someone to be making a claim on the food before everyone's had enough, and it's a bit gendered too (for me, don't know if it was for you).

A good starting-point, OP, is that you don't get to control what other adults eat and drink and vice versa. Attempts to do so are controlling.

The counterbalance to this is consideration and sharing. So if there is a limited supply of something and no way of replenishing it, it is only polite for it to be shared fairly. On the other hand, if there was sufficient cheese that you could have what you wanted at that moment and your DH or you could go out and buy more the next day (assuming no money issues) then yes YABU. Why not just buy more?

Yes, you are missing something.

I serve cheeses on Christmas day. I guess some people eat it all year round. I'd be annoyed if I needed to hit the shops to replace it but if he is offering to rebuy it I'd be ok with it.

There is only so much a person can eat in one day.
Spread it out from now until new year.

I thought this would be something revoltingly sexual, about him not being able to delay gratification..but it's Christmas Eve Eve.. and he's after nice cheeses
{23rd December} -it's almost Christmas... let the man enjoy his cheese and drink, as long as he offered you some to share with him.