Page 22 | Disgusted by inability to delay gratification

KeepYourHandsOutOfTheFridge · 2024-12-23T20:58:48+00:00

We get the usual "special" foods for Christmas. Most of them (chocs, cake, etc) are put away upstairs, but the collection of posh cheeses are in the fridge. I've just found out DH has eaten a big chunk of one cheese, and drunk one of his bottles of expensive drink. He says he'll go and buy replacements. I have said that is not the point. These are expensive treats for us. In my family, Christmas didn't start until Christmas day. DH and I discussed this, and agreed a compromise this year that we would start eating the nice stuff on Christmas Eve for a change (just us two in the eve, big family meal on the day itself). I am disgusted - this shows a total lack of self control and ability to delay gratification - he is like a five-year-old with no self control. He is just destroying the sense of anticipation and looking forward to sharing the treats together. Would this give you the rage?

Original poster

KeepYourHandsOutOfTheFridge · 23/12/2024 23:13

Booksandhotchocolate · 23/12/2024 23:09

I can see your point op, maybe it takes a certain personality type, but a good cheese board looks best when it’s not been touched. I know people think you’re being’uptight’ but I’m guessing that, for you, a well prepared meal that you’ve put a lot of thought into is really important? Maybe you feel like you matter or that you can give yourselves a treat or you’ve had a hard time and you want support in that. Maybe your family always put out all the stops for Christmas and your partner seems not to care about that at all, and it feels like a personal rejection.
Whatever it is, no one here will understand it and perhaps just don’t understand how important some small things are. I personally have a breakdown if I’ve planned something to go perfectly in my mind and then someone metaphorically’eats the cheese’. I feel for you. I wonder about your disliking of his ability to wait, perhaps there is a fear of who he is that’s deeper than cheese?! I know that waiting certainly indicates a higher chance of success and prosperity. (marshmallow experiment) Most people might not think this is a problem, but that really doesn’t matter. You’re not most people. And it does matter to you. So, I hope you can get to the bottom of what makes you feel that way about it and can connect with your partner, disgust is a dangerous emotion to have in a relationship, so I hope you can both find out what is metaphorically under the cheese! Maybe if you do, you won’t mind so much about the little annoying things,( no one’s perfect, often they have no idea they’re being annoying or what truly matters to us. ) Tc op!

Thank you so much for your kind words.

OP posts:

OnlyFannys · 23/12/2024 23:13

Tomorrow is never promised, enjoy the cheese today

FoxtonFoxton · 23/12/2024 23:14

I'd hope he stood up for himself! Being berated and put down as the dregs of society for having the audacity to eat some of his own bloody cheese -of which you say there is loads left -is awful. I judge your behaviour far more than his. You can still share the cheese and chutney, his trying a bit beforehand makes absolutely no difference to that. The most I'd have said if DH had done the same was 'is it nice?'. I'd be surprised if he's interested in sharing an evening with you now; I wouldn't want to eat with someone who was disgusted at me. Not exactly joyful.

AngelinaFibres · 23/12/2024 23:14

dreamer24 · 23/12/2024 23:09

@AngelinaFibres
Will I possibly be saved because I didn't touch the cheese, I swear. T'was just the Pringles. 🙏🏻

I cannot judge you for I too would have eaten the Holy Pringles of Christmas. I'm not buying any until tomorrow because I am so disgustingly lacking in willpower. Haribo Tangfastics will also see me in hell.

Butchyrestingface · 23/12/2024 23:15

Make like Jesus and turn the other cheese, OP. 😇

Iloveshoes123 · 23/12/2024 23:16

I just don't understand you logic. So you can eat it from the 25th of Dec - 5th of Jan but your DH can't eat it from 23rd of Dec. You must see how ridiculous that is. What should he wait until Christmas day, because you did as a child, absolutely ridiculous. If my DH told me I wasn't to eat nice things we had for Christmas and he was disgusted with my lack of self control and ability to delay gratification I would tell him to fuck off. I'll eat what I want in my own house.

Jesus he had a bit of cheese and a drink he didn't eat everyones food for the whole of Christmas. You sound extremely controlling.

jeomeollibyeoldul · 23/12/2024 23:16

OP, why are you putting so much weight on a silly marshmallow experiment? there is no negative bearing on who your husband is as a person, nor on the fabric of society itself, caused by the fact that he ate some nice cheese and drank his drink. maybe he's a dick for other reasons, in which case your problem isn't the cheese.

NightFeeds · 23/12/2024 23:16

I haven’t read the whole thread.
I’ll be honest I’m generally an over planner.
BUT we bought Camembert for Boxing Day and by goodness did it hum…so we ate it yesterday. Supposed to have Duck today but my husbands delicate constitution ruined by the cheese so we had Greek Salad, Kofta and Pita today and moved duck to tomorrow. I’ve made 1 of 3 not 3 of 3 Xmas day puddings.
Definitely put away more booze by now than planned
for this point in the period but also still got enough to get us to Boxing Day so MEH unless my husband turns to stone tomorrow we shall muddle through. Basically I am trying to be flexible without having an actual hernia or family meltdown. Despite being at least mildly annoyed at having to replenish and replan things “once planned”

ManyATrueWord · 23/12/2024 23:17

We deliberately enjoy things throughout the Christmas season. I dislike binging, and there are too many nice things to eat them all in a short period of time. Also if you have a small family you end up wasting so much.

WallaceinAnderland · 23/12/2024 23:18

So what if he wants to start his Christmas on the 23rd. It doesn't stop you from enjoying delayed gratification does it. So controlling!

Original poster

KeepYourHandsOutOfTheFridge · 23/12/2024 23:18

Just thought of something else too - I am one of seven children, and we watched each other's portions like hawks at mealtimes to make sure no-one had more than anyone else.
The daft thing is, there was plenty of food, we were not poor. Just very, very careful about getting our fair share.

Lots to think about.

OP posts:

MildredSauce · 23/12/2024 23:18

Booksandhotchocolate · 23/12/2024 23:09

I can see your point op, maybe it takes a certain personality type, but a good cheese board looks best when it’s not been touched. I know people think you’re being’uptight’ but I’m guessing that, for you, a well prepared meal that you’ve put a lot of thought into is really important? Maybe you feel like you matter or that you can give yourselves a treat or you’ve had a hard time and you want support in that. Maybe your family always put out all the stops for Christmas and your partner seems not to care about that at all, and it feels like a personal rejection.
Whatever it is, no one here will understand it and perhaps just don’t understand how important some small things are. I personally have a breakdown if I’ve planned something to go perfectly in my mind and then someone metaphorically’eats the cheese’. I feel for you. I wonder about your disliking of his ability to wait, perhaps there is a fear of who he is that’s deeper than cheese?! I know that waiting certainly indicates a higher chance of success and prosperity. (marshmallow experiment) Most people might not think this is a problem, but that really doesn’t matter. You’re not most people. And it does matter to you. So, I hope you can get to the bottom of what makes you feel that way about it and can connect with your partner, disgust is a dangerous emotion to have in a relationship, so I hope you can both find out what is metaphorically under the cheese! Maybe if you do, you won’t mind so much about the little annoying things,( no one’s perfect, often they have no idea they’re being annoying or what truly matters to us. ) Tc op!

A Fear Deeper Than Cheese is what I'll be naming my next novella

AngelinaFibres · 23/12/2024 23:19

Butchyrestingface · 23/12/2024 23:11

No, you're thinking of Paul's Letter to the Greedy, Cheese-eating Bastards 6:66. Easy to get confused.

Show quote history

Ah yes Paul. He had a vision of a giant cheese on the road to Damascus. " Go forth and eat cheese ".said God. "No need to wait until the 25th. "

Original poster

KeepYourHandsOutOfTheFridge · 23/12/2024 23:19

OMG this is 22 pages and the longest thread I have ever started on MN (name changed for this, obvs.)

Off to bed now. Thanks all.

OP posts:

Brefugee · 23/12/2024 23:20

KeepYourHandsOutOfTheFridge · 23/12/2024 23:18

Just thought of something else too - I am one of seven children, and we watched each other's portions like hawks at mealtimes to make sure no-one had more than anyone else.
The daft thing is, there was plenty of food, we were not poor. Just very, very careful about getting our fair share.

Lots to think about.

i guessed the root might be here. So you need to learn to unclench.

Your DH hasn't eaten all the cheese, you will not be deprived of a lovely meal of cheese and all the trimmings. The world will not stop turning, and you recognise that.

you could indeed have had cheese today, and cheese tomorrow and all the tomorrows up to 5th january. You're depriving yourself of enjoyment.

The catholic church has a lot to answer for.

AngelinaFibres · 23/12/2024 23:21

jeomeollibyeoldul · 23/12/2024 23:16

OP, why are you putting so much weight on a silly marshmallow experiment? there is no negative bearing on who your husband is as a person, nor on the fabric of society itself, caused by the fact that he ate some nice cheese and drank his drink. maybe he's a dick for other reasons, in which case your problem isn't the cheese.

Cheese-mageddon . It's a catastrophe.

dreamer24 · 23/12/2024 23:22

This thread is putting me in mind of the Motherland Christmas Special, when Julia's mum had just died and her tactless husband chooses that moment to ask: " the wheel of Stilton in the fridge, is that for general consumption, or...?" 🤦🏼‍♀️😂

LolaB00 · 23/12/2024 23:22

Now you have been flamed, are you going to ease up on the food ban?

CurlyhairedAssassin · 23/12/2024 23:22

Compash · 23/12/2024 22:54

He will quite happily eat all of a particular thing, I'm afraid... or leave a token morsel in the packet, show me it, and say 'Do you want this? Because if you do I can leave it - see, here it is... but if you don't want it, I could have it - or we ('we') could get more...'. And he's eaten 5.5 out of a pack of 6... and I have to reserve something like bloody Eventbrite rather than just indulge my own appetite in my own time...

Show quote history

Well that's just greedy and selfish, I'm afraid. Not very nice traits.

LatteLady · 23/12/2024 23:22

I am with you on this. As a child, no Christmas food was touched until 6:00pm on Christmas Eve. No presents opened, excluding stockings until we got back from church and had breakfast.

It's the same as not clearing the top tier of a box of chocs or biscuits but going down to the next layer. The whole point of Christmas food is the anticipation and that it is not just everyday fare. It is supposed to be special and a bit of deferred gratification never did any harm.

ForGreyKoala · 23/12/2024 23:22

oviraptor21 · 23/12/2024 22:09

I'm with you too OP.
If we've bought some extra nice stuff we like to choose the moment when we'll eat it. So we get the anticipation and then we get the shared enjoyment. To all those who just eat it whenever, isn't sharing special moments what Christmas is about?

Some of us live alone. What should we do, wait until some random visitor arrives on February 10th and then crack open the Christmas goodies? - the anticipation would have probably worn off by then.

I gave up saving things for special occasions many years ago, life is too short.

TeenLifeMum · 23/12/2024 23:22

My dc are so confused why the Christmas chocolates aren’t open 😂
Usually they would have been opened at the weekend, but we’re away 25-27 Dec then guests all arrive on the 27th in the afternoon so the chocolates are for then. Dc are a bit miffed they can only have the normal chocolate snacks like kitkats 😂

IDespairOfTheHumanRace · 23/12/2024 23:23

Hmmm, I suspect that your husband has decided that he does not wish to be martyred and sanctified on the hill of cheese - and who can blame him?

FrivolousKitchenRollUse · 23/12/2024 23:23

LatteLady · 23/12/2024 23:22

I am with you on this. As a child, no Christmas food was touched until 6:00pm on Christmas Eve. No presents opened, excluding stockings until we got back from church and had breakfast.

It's the same as not clearing the top tier of a box of chocs or biscuits but going down to the next layer. The whole point of Christmas food is the anticipation and that it is not just everyday fare. It is supposed to be special and a bit of deferred gratification never did any harm.

The husband has delayed his gratification. Just not to the OP's standards. Neither is right, but the OP is wrong to react that only she is.

EconomyClassRockstar · 23/12/2024 23:25

We accidentally ate one box of our Xmas chocolates the day before Thanksgiving. We all lived and Xmas will still be a lovely day.