Disgusted by inability to delay gratification

[KeepYourHandsOutOfTheFridge]

We get the usual "special" foods for Christmas. Most of them (chocs, cake, etc) are put away upstairs, but the collection of posh cheeses are in the fridge.

I've just found out DH has eaten a big chunk of one cheese, and drunk one of his bottles of expensive drink. He says he'll go and buy replacements. I have said that is not the point.
These are expensive treats for us.
In my family, Christmas didn't start until Christmas day. DH and I discussed this, and agreed a compromise this year that we would start eating the nice stuff on Christmas Eve for a change (just us two in the eve, big family meal on the day itself).

I am disgusted - this shows a total lack of self control and ability to delay gratification - he is like a five-year-old with no self control. He is just destroying the sense of anticipation and looking forward to sharing the treats together.

Would this give you the rage?

Yes, I was the eldest girl of a poor family, and parentified early, so was expected to stand aside for the younger ones in terms of there often not being quite enough treat food to go round. To this day, I can’t abide sharing plates. And I will decide exactly when I eat something.

You are “Disgusted” .. really wow. Poor bloke.

But there is nothing stopping you both from sharing an evening meal of cheese and crackers etc is there? He just ate some of these cheese. Do you typically eat the entire lot of cheese in one go at this shared meal?? And it's no longer a shared meal because he ate some of the cheese first? That's bonkers.

We've eaten loads of mince pies, 1 box of Lindt and a tin of M&S Merry Mix (thanks MN I'd never heard of this before) bought 3 bags of the Merry Mix refills, loads of packs of mince pies and replaced the Lindt

Normally we eat mince pies throughout December and open the chocs etc on Christmas Eve but this year we've just gone with it.

I recall reading something years ago about learning delayed gratification being a key life skill and indicator of success. People who can't do it, who spend now instead of saving for later, have worse outcomes overall

I ate all the Christmas Pringles early, which would suggest my ability to delay gratification is shit, however I do have a PhD and a very successful well paid career. I am evidently an anomaly. 😬

well that's on you then for not being clear about what you wanted.

We don't have it carved in stone, but we will buy food in and say x is for that date/meal, y is for this date/mean and Z is for the other. And then we make sure those things are available for when we have planned them. We're not in UK and i brought Wensleydale back because it is The King of Cheeses and i would be FURIOUS is a family member scarfed the lot before i had any. But because i make sure everyone knows it is a) rare and b) for all of us, as long as i get my bit, i don't care when everyone else has theirs.

as with 99% of all threads on MN, this can be fixed easily by talking. Like adults.

Not the point here, but do you have children OP? It seems to be a strange thing to focus on in my opinion.

If there’s an understanding in place to use the cheese for an evening for two, I would be angry the agreement was broken.

However I don’t think this is about delayed gratification. I am of the opinion that it’s best to use things now and enjoy them than to save them for later for a better day.
There is no better day than today when we are alive.

I used to keep my expensive perfume for special occasions, but I don’t do it anymore as they spoil after a while.
My DH’s grandma used to keep a trunk with fabrics and dresses for special occasions and when she passed away, without using any of them, the fabric was so old that the moment they unfolded them they disintegrated.

So no, as a society we have learnt to enjoy the little pleasures that life has to offer.

Is that the verse where Jesus catches the disciples eating cheese too early . They look sheepish but Jesus says " Crack on lads I love a bit of brie" Thanks be to God.

Who put you in charge. Honestly some folk. If it was a man doing this he would be called an abuser.

Christ, no! If I was looking forward to a nice juicy steak for my evening meal and then found out that some git had eaten it and I had to have a fecking omelette instead, then I'd be locked up for murder.

Yep, then they open a shop together - Cheeses of Nazareth.

I kind of get it because I want to save the treats for the main days too, but you should have bitten your tongue because telling him not to eat things because you don’t want to comes across as a bit controlling. My partner ate the smoked salmon early but bought two more packs to replace it. It did secretly annoy me a bit because it is now less special on Xmas day but I would never have admitted it or made him feel bad.

Feeling very sorry for your other half.

An absolutely ridiculous fuss over cheese and wine.

Your reaction is so extreme, the language you're using to shame him, and your rules about the way in which one is permitted to enjoy Xmas...

Your rigidity and attitude suggests your household would be an unpleasant place to be at over the holidays.

Yes, I recognise this description.

And lo they shall be judged as wanting because they fell and ate the Christmas cheese. Their PhD shall not save them from the fires of hell and damnation.

@AngelinaFibres
😂😂😂

I can see your point op, maybe it takes a certain personality type, but a good cheese board looks best when it’s not been touched. I know people think you’re being’uptight’ but I’m guessing that, for you, a well prepared meal that you’ve put a lot of thought into is really important? Maybe you feel like you matter or that you can give yourselves a treat or you’ve had a hard time and you want support in that. Maybe your family always put out all the stops for Christmas and your partner seems not to care about that at all, and it feels like a personal rejection.
Whatever it is, no one here will understand it and perhaps just don’t understand how important some small things are. I personally have a breakdown if I’ve planned something to go perfectly in my mind and then someone metaphorically’eats the cheese’. I feel for you. I wonder about your disliking of his ability to wait, perhaps there is a fear of who he is that’s deeper than cheese?! I know that waiting certainly indicates a higher chance of success and prosperity. (marshmallow experiment) Most people might not think this is a problem, but that really doesn’t matter. You’re not most people. And it does matter to you. So, I hope you can get to the bottom of what makes you feel that way about it and can connect with your partner, disgust is a dangerous emotion to have in a relationship, so I hope you can both find out what is metaphorically under the cheese! Maybe if you do, you won’t mind so much about the little annoying things,( no one’s perfect, often they have no idea they’re being annoying or what truly matters to us. ) Tc op!

Yes it gives me the rage, but it applies to me. Yet again I ate the DCs Xmas chocolate and have to replace it tomorrow!! Hello diet…

Oh I laughed out loud. That's brilliant .

@AngelinaFibres
Will I possibly be saved because I didn't touch the cheese, I swear. T'was just the Pringles. 🙏🏻

The father, the son and the holey gouda

Do you have an eating disorder?

No, you're thinking of Paul's Letter to the Greedy, Cheese-eating Bastards 6:66. Easy to get confused.

going back to the marshmallow experiment: i would have passed that with flying colours (still wood) because i can't stand them so would always say "yeah, not eating that now" and then i'd get the second, and eat neither of them

Knowing me as a 7 year old, i'd have swapped them with someone who did for something they had that i didn't.

There is a difference between what OP is doing - being controlling about when another adult in the household eats some (not all) of the cheese - and the examples of food insecurity and food poverty that other pps are describing.

Same with the steak. In a household with 2 adults, i would expect there to be 2 steaks. If one of the steaks was eaten, i would expect the second one to still be there for the person who had not yet eaten steak. I can also imagine that the steak lover might think their partner doesn't want it. In a normal, healthy adult relationship, they would check before scarfing that one down too.

and of course: Blessed are the cheesemakers