Disgusted by inability to delay gratification

[KeepYourHandsOutOfTheFridge]

We get the usual "special" foods for Christmas. Most of them (chocs, cake, etc) are put away upstairs, but the collection of posh cheeses are in the fridge.

I've just found out DH has eaten a big chunk of one cheese, and drunk one of his bottles of expensive drink. He says he'll go and buy replacements. I have said that is not the point.
These are expensive treats for us.
In my family, Christmas didn't start until Christmas day. DH and I discussed this, and agreed a compromise this year that we would start eating the nice stuff on Christmas Eve for a change (just us two in the eve, big family meal on the day itself).

I am disgusted - this shows a total lack of self control and ability to delay gratification - he is like a five-year-old with no self control. He is just destroying the sense of anticipation and looking forward to sharing the treats together.

Would this give you the rage?

well maybe you should have mentioned that rather than bang on about being 'disgusted' and 'disappointed' he didn't 'delay gratification'

i'm much more understanding of you being upset he didn't wait to share it with you.

The doctor told my grandmother off because my mother was underweight . All that Catholic abstaining from food had left my grandmother anorexic. Luckily the doctor spotted it in my mother. After that my mother was fattened up with full cream milk as a medicine. Straight from the cow.

Maybe he was simply hungry?

Without introspection, these criticisms and judgements will lead you down the wrong path.

You are judging someone for not acting the way that you want them to, and trying to control their behaviour accordingly. That is the actual issue.

I am on the fence on that one.

Food set aside for guests, or for a special diner, completely fine and very rude to mess up the plans. No one in their right mind would start eating their kids birthday cake before the party - even if I am sure there's a thread on that in here somewhere.

Random food from the fridge? It's food. I can't imagine being so strict on meals that nothing can be touched. If someone eat the steak, then you make chicken instead, or an omelette kind of thing. It's not a big deal. Anyone can eat food from the fridge if it's reasonable.

I tell DP he can’t eat certain things before the big day, but only if they are ingredients for something I’m making/planning to serve Xmas day- same as I would any other time of year if I buy something for a specific purpose. I think it’s fair enough as I do the food shopping and food planning

General snacks/crisps/cheese etc though… he’s an adult who lives in our house and pays the same amount as me towards the food. I can’t and won’t tell him if he can eat it.

If you have kept banging on about delay gratification for months, and all the other comments you've made on that thread, I can guess why he did that...

He will quite happily eat all of a particular thing, I'm afraid... or leave a token morsel in the packet, show me it, and say 'Do you want this? Because if you do I can leave it - see, here it is... but if you don't want it, I could have it - or we ('we') could get more...'. And he's eaten 5.5 out of a pack of 6... and I have to reserve something like bloody Eventbrite rather than just indulge my own appetite in my own time...

You're not the boss of when it's Christmas

I am eternally grateful that I am in a marriage and family where I know I won’t be judged or shamed if I fancy some nice cheese and biscuits or a handful of the Christmas Quality Street.

Like most people, we stock up on nice food for Christmas, but there is no judgement or anger over it. It’s food to make us happy, not food to eat to a timetable.

I can think of a handful of people I know that would raise their eyebrows at their spouse eating something they “shouldn’t” or rebuking them and those are marriages I would not want to be in.

No, because there's so many nice things on the day that you don't appreciate them all. Having nice things in the run up to Christmas doesn't detract from the ceremony of the day, just as having your decorations up early doesn't detract. Or are you one of these people who doesn't put the tree up till Christmas Eve?

He stood up for himself. I am lucky that he has no trouble being able to do this.

Being disgusted and enraged with him is completely out of proportion to what's happened here and you need to address this.

well no - all OP has to say to her DH is that he needs to leave half for her. And if he doesn't then he must replenish asap. That is all.

feeling "morally superior" to anyone who doesn't want to wait to have nice things is batshit. it is a social construct with zero meaning.

That makes complete sense.
im from a lower income family. If there was nice food on the go I would make sure I got some as there was no guarantee of getting it again.
even from childhood I recall the stress of poverty: the anger, resentment and frustration of my parents because of money problems and generally feeling low in the pecking order.
no fucking wonder I wanted the bloody marshmallow

No that's daft. A birthday is literally just one day of the year. Christmas is a period. It's the festive season. There is Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day, New Year's Eve and Day too. If you add in the "special occasion" that is the last day at work or school then that'll add more time in.

I can understand your frustration if money was tight, you had a strict budget and you did have to keep the special food to Christmas Day. (been there, done that when the kids were little). But I get a lot of pleasure now out of being able to afford to eat some of that stuff before Christmas Day. I opened the Brie today and had it for my lunch with crackers, quince jelly and truffle honey. We would never have that any other time of the year (we usually only bother with a variety of cheeses at Christmas). To me it extends the pleasure over a few days, it doesn't take away from it.

He's replacing it so you have more. There is really no issue. Let him have his pleasure. Life can be stressful, full on and hard work with lots of obligations and doing without. Just let him spread the joy over a few days!

Unclench OP. Your way isn't the only way. And evidently your DH doesn't agree with you.

He stood up for himself?

Jesus, you present as an absolute harpy, op

Isn't the whole point of being Catholic to have sins to repent for? And I say that as an ex Convent girl.

I seem to recall Jesus turning water into wine... and I'm sure he'd rustle up a couple of bottles of Baileys and some more cheese if he was around today.

Yes my language was too strong. But at the same time, yes I do look down on people who can't delay gratification. Being judgemental and critical is a big failing of mine (maybe comes from the Catholic indoctrination?)

Well, maybe he looks down on you and judges you for all that high-handed judginess over such a trivial matter. Especially during the season of good will. I recommend dusting off ye old bible and opening it at Matthew 7:3. 🙂

Yabu and sanctimonious. Delayed gratification my arse. He changed his mind so what.

Really? Because not long ago your issue was that he couldn't wait until your appointed time (Christmas day) to eat it.

This. Our town turned the Christmas lights on on Nov16th. We've been to the Christmas tractor run and today we took the grandchildren to the Christmas tree festival in our local Cathedral . I've been to 3 Christmas 'dos' and my husband has been to 4. We've had a Christmas get together for family who will be in America this Christmas day.We've been taking Christmas story books out of the library since the beginning of December and my husband has eaten his body weight in mince pies. Our decorations have been up since Dec 1st and will come down on NYE ready for a fresh start to 2025.As far as my family is concerned Christmas is every minute of every day in December.

You sound like you think you're his mother.

Just went to get the cheese and crackers from the fridge, oppps I didn’t tell my husband!