Disgusted by inability to delay gratification

[KeepYourHandsOutOfTheFridge]

We get the usual "special" foods for Christmas. Most of them (chocs, cake, etc) are put away upstairs, but the collection of posh cheeses are in the fridge.

I've just found out DH has eaten a big chunk of one cheese, and drunk one of his bottles of expensive drink. He says he'll go and buy replacements. I have said that is not the point.
These are expensive treats for us.
In my family, Christmas didn't start until Christmas day. DH and I discussed this, and agreed a compromise this year that we would start eating the nice stuff on Christmas Eve for a change (just us two in the eve, big family meal on the day itself).

I am disgusted - this shows a total lack of self control and ability to delay gratification - he is like a five-year-old with no self control. He is just destroying the sense of anticipation and looking forward to sharing the treats together.

Would this give you the rage?

I wasn't being very serious about that. It sounds as if you have that guilt/judgement and criticism down pat. It's not doing you any good and it will be doing irreparable harm to your relationship.

This 'delayed gratification' is overused and it's used as a superiority club to whack other people over the head. Would you truly tolerate this being done to you if it were something that you considered no big deal?

Don't let this thing grow into something it really doesn't need to be. Make up with your husband because this cheese really doesn't matter, respect does. You're angry - I expect he's hurt and possibly angry too. Really not worth it.

I don't want it tomorrow, I wanted it NOW.

So did he. 🤷‍♀️

This is a critical insight. If you were brought up a strict Catholic as I was, you will have had the torture of waking up on Christmas morning and opening your stocking and knowing you mustn’t have any chocolate or other food until after Communion at Mass. Denial and fasting was a normal part of our childhood. Eating in the street was vulgar. Those nuns inculcated some pretty severe beliefs around food restraint and virtue. In the wider world it really doesn’t matter! If you have given up your religion why would you cling to this bit? It makes no more sense than the shunning of unmarried mothers or the ideas that unbaptised babies go to limbo. Eat what you enjoy without guilt OP! The world will be a better place if you can let go of these unhealthy beliefs.

It might matter or it might not.

I have spent a day learning how to ice our Christmas Cake in a particular way that will (I hope) delight a particular family member when we produce the cake tomorrow tea time (we always Christmas Started on Xmas Eve).

Call me controlling, uptight, in need of therapy or other terms that have been levelled at the OP, but I will be a bit dismayed if what I bring in is a dishevelled half eaten cake sitting in a sea of crumbs .

Likewise I doubt our many family members will be all that chuffed if our sons eat all the chipolatas for pigs in blankets while watching a film, so that we have none , or half a one each, to go with the turkey. But how very unreasonable: they should be allowed to eat food in their own house at will, it seems.

Tbf I think thats quite different from what the OP has posted and many threads about greedy husbands over the years would show that MN wouldn't approve of his actions. This is about someone having some cheese 6 hours too early.

'Agreed special evening'.

To eat food? I think your attitude to food stems from your childhood when you couldn't eat it til the big day.

You're kidding yourself you are more relaxed as you start it before, but sounds like you only allow 24 hours earlier. Not 36.

You sound quite controlling around food. Is it just for Christmas or throughout the year too?

I'd be so upset if my husband accused me of being disgusting and feeble-minded because I didn't wait until he announced it was cheese time to eat some.

What did he say when you confronted him about his misdemeanor?

It's not a moral failing on his part. It's not a mortal or a venial sin, requiring Confession and Penance.
He's not "affecting his outcomes" with the delayed gratification thingy. He's an adult having a bit of a treat.
You sound less Catholic and nore Puritan.

@KeepYourHandsOutOfTheFridge - you believe that the Christmas season starts on the 25th - but other people think it starts earlier. And none of you are wrong.

The people who start their Christmas season earlier are still waiting, and delaying gratification - they are delaying it to a different day, that’s all.

This would give me the rage. I had an ex who would eat random stuff from the fridge without any consideration for what meals he may have disrupted, or drink wine and eat desert that was supposed to be for when a friend came over etc.

I thought he was a pig with no self control so I left him lol. He would also eat my birthday chocolates and things. Utterly pathetic.

Current dp has little to no interest in food. Means we don't go to restaurants really but that's fine with me. There's much more exciting things than eating, I'm not a Labrador.

We have already started the cheese/crackers/cakes! Evening supper basically. As we congregate for a long period we play games etc in the evenings so everyone is eating quite a lot! My mum is a saint for organising the food.. repeatedly!! I think in your case you are more disappointed that he hasn’t waited for the nice time together… which maybe says he doesnt value it the same way that you do. Do you feel unappreciated? Or that he’s a slob? Or both.. dig deeper and work out what really has pissed you off here and how you can rectify that - with effort from him aswell. Sounds like you have a communication issue and he doesn’t realise what this symbolises for you!

But he hasn’t finished all the cheese or whatever it is (unless I have missed one of OP’a post). I don’t think anyone would disagree that it would be very annoying if one person ate all of a particular nice stuff and didn’t leave anything for others.

So I am a person who eats the meat while dishing it up, eats my husbands full pack od biscuits before he has even had one and will eat the christmas cheese whenever I want. But my husband is the same. We do not and have never had food issues, we just don't see any issue with eating the food when we want to eat it. I think its interesting to see differing ways of doing things, and also good that we find partners that are similar!!

Therefore he wins? Because he was faster?

Men's need trumped women's needs every time when I was growing up, maybe that's why I get so eggy about it...

I eat and drink mouthfuls of treaty things year round and more often around Christmas, usually starting fairly early on in December! Life is too short to keep things for ‘best’.

I'm a happy practicing catholic who is looking forward to Christmas Day. That does not mean I have determined Christmas only starts on the 25th and even if I had I would not expect everyone else to feel the same. I certainly would not be "disgusted" or piously looking down on the person I am supposed to love because he didn't fall in with my self imposed plans. Please don't blame your previous religious upbringing (particularly at this time of year!) for your controlling imperious manner. If you no longer have faith surely the random date of 25th has even less meaning??

You two make me sad.

"What does that say about us as a society?"

What that says is years ago people could probably only afford those special things once a year, nowadays a lot more people can afford what they want when they want. So why would they only have special food for 1 day a year?

You're massively overthinking this.

How much cheese can you eat and how much posh wine can you drink in one day, in addition to a roast with all the trimmings?

Not many people have commented on the lack of sharing (thanks to those who did).
I was expecting us to share an evening meal of cheese and crackers, chutneys, etc. He went ahead without me.
There is loads of cheese left, that is not the issue. The issue is that he didn't want to wait to share with me.
Quite the opposite of having a box of chocolates each to eat at our own pace.

It's far nicer to eat the mince pies, cake etc in December with the tree up and feeling Christmasy, than having them in January once christmas is long gone.

wondering how many people understand the correlation of making food a 'treat' and that denial of food as a child can have a MUCH worse impact on eating habits/relationship with food than just treating it as normal and eating what we like when (within reason of course) can.

You’re most likely referring to the Stanford Marshmallow Experiment conducted by Mischel. Which was for small children. Your husband is not a test subject. Nor should Christmas be centred around self control. He offered to replace the stuff seeing as it ‘disgusted’ you so much so I find your whole approach to this absolutely bonkers.

Oh well, you must be super successful, OP and the majority of us here are disgusting, loser piggies!

Of course people enjoy the anticipation of a big event, but many people's perception of Christmas is not just Christmas day itself or the days after, their timings sre somply different to yours. If they didn't, they would be eating mince pies in March.

If there's 'loads of cheese left' then why can it not still be shared?

Your situation is nothing at all like the quality street poster's.