Disgusted by inability to delay gratification

[KeepYourHandsOutOfTheFridge]

We get the usual "special" foods for Christmas. Most of them (chocs, cake, etc) are put away upstairs, but the collection of posh cheeses are in the fridge.

I've just found out DH has eaten a big chunk of one cheese, and drunk one of his bottles of expensive drink. He says he'll go and buy replacements. I have said that is not the point.
These are expensive treats for us.
In my family, Christmas didn't start until Christmas day. DH and I discussed this, and agreed a compromise this year that we would start eating the nice stuff on Christmas Eve for a change (just us two in the eve, big family meal on the day itself).

I am disgusted - this shows a total lack of self control and ability to delay gratification - he is like a five-year-old with no self control. He is just destroying the sense of anticipation and looking forward to sharing the treats together.

Would this give you the rage?

I'm with you too OP.
If we've bought some extra nice stuff we like to choose the moment when we'll eat it. So we get the anticipation and then we get the shared enjoyment. To all those who just eat it whenever, isn't sharing special moments what Christmas is about?

This

The mention of advent is relevant - I was brought up in a strictly Catholic household, but I abandoned it all in my early teens.

I'm totally willing to see that I am in the minority. I am just surprised.

For me, it is just not Christmas time yet - that is my point.

And those who said it is about the sharing - that is spot on. He helped himself without me, when it was supposed to be something we would enjoy together.

Yes my language was too strong. But at the same time, yes I do look down on people who can't delay gratification. Being judgemental and critical is a big failing of mine (maybe comes from the Catholic indoctrination?)

No, I don't have any issues around food in general. The issue is not primarily about the food itself.

I view Christmas as two weeks of eating nice things, not all of them in one day.

We know all about Advent down at our church, the Celebrations have been circulating for weeks and it's been mince pies along with the coffee!

yes, I disapprove of people helping themselves to food from the fridge in any event

No one gets to "disapprove" of what another adult does in their own home!

😂

I do look down on people who can't delay gratification.

Gosh. That's quite sad. I'd rather be me

Looking down on people who can't defer gratification, fair enough to some extent I guess but to be clear, this isn't what has happened here. Just a difference of opinion that you've massively over-reacted to.

I don't think this says anything about 'society'. I think there's just different opinions on when the 'season' runs. Yours looks like it goes well in to January whereas others take the tree down and finish Christmas between Christmas and NY and are planning a very healthy start to NY.

We are somewhere inbetween - I buy packs of chocolate in advance and normally bring out some of the 'nice' food once I've done the Christmas food shop and finished work. So around today, 23rd. That's what I've done this year, the Roses etc have come out but I portion them until little star bowls out and about from then. The family get really excited as soon as these come out and that's part of the lovely build up to Christmas.

I think different people are allowed different opinions on when that starts...it's not just about 'delayed gratification'.

Oh give the poor sod a break.
I've been stuffing myself all day.

It's a great shame to say you're disgusted with your husband.

I do laugh on threads like these when people use the word 'we' as in 'we do not' or 'we compromise'

How much is actually 'we' and how much one person deciding and the other thinks they are anally retentive and just goes along with it

Do you also 'delay gratification' by not opening presents until Boxing Day OP, since that is actually the day when 'Christmas boxes' historically used to be exchanged?

This is weird and controlling.

Do you have a difficult relationship with food OP? Do you restrict/count calories?

What does that say about us as a society?

That we know good cheese.

Honestly. It's a guy who ate some cheese. We have plenty of societal failings and moral collapses. This isn't one of them.

I think you are judging everyone else when you should be looking internally for why you only get gratification in such a controlled situation.

I went to work one day and came home at lunchtime because my mum had dropped down dead. I think that puts into perspective that life is for living and we don't know when that will end.

Eat the cheese whenever, don't berate your DH for eating it when it makes him happy and not when it makes you happy and certainly don't judge society by your stringent and controlling standards.

You've said you're disgusted with him. Feel rage. Look down on people who can't delay gratification.

If I knew that my DH were using this sort of langauge about me, I'd be beyond hurt. I'd question their love and respect for me. I'd feel judged. I'd wonder what other of my characteristics they feel are inadequate.

And I'd feel rage at the audacity of them criticising my delayed gratification (a bit of cheese and some fancy drink at Christmas time) when they're quite happy to badmouth me on social media.

My mum used to buy stacks of Christmas junk, couldn’t touch it until Christmas Day, then only one week to stuff it all in before starting a diet on 1st January. Crazy… Enjoy your goodies!

I grew up Catholic too, we’d have minced pies etc after Sunday Mass for the whole of December - are you judging the priest and the entire congregation too? 😂😂 don’t blame your religion for your weirdness

I find it odd that people look down on other people. In my opinion we are all just products of our biology and experiences. So why would you look down on someone. They r just different to you.

Looking down on someone implies you think you are superior, which is just so bizarre. Why do people think they r superior to others?

And I'd HaTE it if my husband thought he was superior to me simply because I had some flaws, or was impulsive, or ate all my advent calendar before the 1st!!!

I mean, we r all flawed aren't we? No-one is perfect, and if they are, well someone will see that as a flaw.

I don't think it says anything bad about society. I mean, society won't survive for many more decades so maybe we shouldn't delay gratification too long. Maybe we're living in the moment more.

What I'd also say is that you're viewing Christmas from your current perspective. I say that because I used to be like you - I adored Christmas and almost everything I bought for a few months before Christmas, I'd wrap up for myself and I'd enjoy waiting. Now I'm older, I'm very sad to say that I don't love Christmas anymore and I don't get excited.

@KeepYourHandsOutOfTheFridge your food rules are your own. It's fine for you to take pleasure in a ritual of restraint and release. It's not some wildly idiosyncratic thing -- lots of people enjoy this. But when you start imposing these rules on other people, and getting angry when they don't comply, you become controlling and this is wrong. It's wrong to do this to other people. Your DH did not grow up in your home and he isn't obliged to follow the strictures of your abandoned religion. You must know this is not reasonable, really. It's Christmas (almost!) - find the generosity of the season and accept your husband as an adult and an equal - different to you, and valuable to you.

Look, come on, you must be able to comprehend that people whose Christmas food consumption starts earlier in December (and then naturally runs out earlier in January) are waiting just as long as you are for their ‘gratification’, aka bit of cheese.

Your arbitrary date is different from your dh’s arbitrary date. That is a fragile as hell justification for disgust, contempt, superiority etc.

Ugh you sound like 80s housewife. My mom was like that when I was a child and I hated it. Thankfully I'm now an adult and can eat all the food I want when I want ...

KeepYourHandsOutOfTheFridge

But at the same time, yes I do look down on people who can't delay gratification

I find that attitude awfully unhealthy. I don't believe in keeping things "for best".

Of course, you plan a meal, it's polite not to empty the fridge on the ingredients you need. That aside, food is food. You eat for fuel but you don't put some food on an extra special pedestal making it that special. Going to a lovely restaurant is a treat, but it's still food. It's not that big a deal. I wouldn't eaten bigger portions because "gratification".

I don't keep jewellery or clothes for special occasions either, and there's no special china hidden in case the Queen pops in (which she will never do anyway)

Again, life is too short and material things, and food, don't matter that much, or they shouldn't matter that much.

You can't dictate how other adults chose to behave in their own house! When their only crime is to eat a bit of cheese.