Disgusted by inability to delay gratification

[KeepYourHandsOutOfTheFridge]

We get the usual "special" foods for Christmas. Most of them (chocs, cake, etc) are put away upstairs, but the collection of posh cheeses are in the fridge.

I've just found out DH has eaten a big chunk of one cheese, and drunk one of his bottles of expensive drink. He says he'll go and buy replacements. I have said that is not the point.
These are expensive treats for us.
In my family, Christmas didn't start until Christmas day. DH and I discussed this, and agreed a compromise this year that we would start eating the nice stuff on Christmas Eve for a change (just us two in the eve, big family meal on the day itself).

I am disgusted - this shows a total lack of self control and ability to delay gratification - he is like a five-year-old with no self control. He is just destroying the sense of anticipation and looking forward to sharing the treats together.

Would this give you the rage?

Hello. I can see where you’re coming from and that’s how you like to do things but surely your husband is entitled to think and do things differently? You’re not bothered about the turkey but it’s about the other treats. So when is it that you think the eating of the cheeses and choc etc should start on Xmas day? Before lunch, after lunch, or does one have to delay gratification further? I’m not sure why you think it is for you to say what another adult should do. The way you describe the delayed gratification is as though you are somehow taking the moral high ground which is just not right. You do you but allow others the same courtesy. Best wishes.

I think the way you have spoken about your husband it’s disgusting to be honest.

let him eat what he wants, when he wants (unless he tries to cook the turkey obvs) you’re not his mother.

anyway, i came here to post this

Sorry but I think yabu.

Christmas isn't just the one day, it's the build up too.

Obviously if he'd eaten an important part of one of the main heals that couldn't be replaced, but I do t think eating a bit of cheese and a special drink is anything to be upset about.

My late Mother would make the Christmas cake in October, worry it was underdone and cut it, it wasn't but had to be eaten and she then made at least one more!

You have a timetable for Christmas, which starts on the 25th and until the 5th Jan. for most people Christmas ‘treats’ are over long before the 5th Jan. what makes you think your timetable is superior to other people’s? Maybe they are waiting, they just have a different starting point? Maybe they stop the festivities sooner?

as for what it says about society, I’d be more concerned about the febrile consumerism than when people eat their cheese, tbh.

Bloody hell, don't tell her that people open presents before the 25th

You sound very controlling about something that is supposed to be fun. If a woman posted that her DH treated her like this imagine the responses

I personally wouldn't get worked up about this. He is an adult, if he fancied it and said he would get some more for Christmas then what's the issue?

I think it's unhealthy to view food as a 'treat' that can only be had under certain circumstances.

you know.. i have quite severe ADHD, and i struggle to 'delay gratification' because i have issues with impulse control.

i've managed to avoid eating some of the food we bought on saturday for 2 whole days, and sat down this evening after a day of taxiing everyone else around, delivering presents, seeing friends, and thought.. fuck it, i'm done, shopping is done, presents are delivered, and i'm going to start enjoying my christmas.

It doesn't make me 'less' of a person or less morally superior than you, or less capable of achieving than you because i've chosen today to start rather than tomorrow.

So get off your high horse. you eat your 'special food' and leave everyone else to enjoy theirs.

Me and DH have eaten an entire Morrisons Sherry Trifle today (half at lunchtime and half just now.) Also around 8 chocolate covered biscuits each from M & S.

Feel a bit sick now not gonna lie, but OMG twas all sooooooooooo nice. (Had a massive fuck-off Christmas roast meal at midday too!) 🐷 😮

You disapprove of your DH helping themselves to food in the fridge in any event?

I don't know. I was talking to my friend recently. We were talking about how we reward ourselves. For example, going for a meal when meeting a deadline in work. But why? Why not just go for a meal out because we want to. Why are there terms and conditions on enjoyable things in life. I do think it's unfair he may have eaten and drunk your share, but as long as he replaces it, has he really done anything wrong? I was going to open some Christmas chocolates tonight, whilst dh was out but changed my mind as didn't fancy them. I can't imagine my husband coming in and telling me what I could or couldn't eat, in my own house, food that I have paid for. I'd tell him where to go to be honest.

Obviously not. FFS op, he’s an adult in his own home. He can’t help himself at a random time to food in his own fridge? Bonkers. I’m surprised he hasn’t told you this himself!

Would this give you the rage?

No.

Because my Christmas starts as soon as my ‘out of office’ automatic reply is switched on at work.

We don’t buy ‘posh’ cheese or expensive alcohol.

My family aren’t anal about leaving things to be consumed for one day.

If my partner raged at me for eating some cheese I’d probably leave him.

But, everyone’s different I guess.

We officially break out the Christmas treats on Christmas Eve. However, chocolate, mince pies, Baileys and cider have been consumed today. So glad to have a break from work and nice things to eat in the sparkly home.

Lighten up OP. There are no rules.

Yes but your rules about how long your DH has to delay his gratification for in order to not be 'disgusting' are totally arbitrary, as others have pointed out. All you talk about here are your rules, your traditions, when you see Christmas as legitimately starting... Your DH seems not to agree. This makes the situation less about self-control than about different preferences.

Perhaps more importantly though, words like disgust are pretty potent and if that's the reaction this situation with your DH has evoked in you, I'm wondering whether there's something else going on here. Is this a man you otherwise respect, desire, like? Is there context here we are missing, eg a history of him disappointing you / letting you down? Or is it more about you - reasons you have to be particularly put off by behaviours you view as excessive or indulgent or uncontrolled? Maybe I'm on the wrong track but when I have a strong reaction to something that others seem to think is a bit ridiculous or out of proportion (as seems to be happening with your reaction here), I sometimes find that being curious about it reveals something important.

No. It’s not like you’ll be able to eat everything in one day.

Ah performance eating!!

"Look how amazing I am for showing restraint whereas you (DH) are just displaying immoral and disgustingly piggie behaviour because you prefer instant gratification rather than having equal willpower to me!!"

Urgh. Horribly controlling behaviour.

Just imagine if this was some bloke saying the same about his wife. They'd be telling her to LTB immediately!

2.Because we’d be the size of houses if we started eating the treat food too early.

I honestly don't believe my fancy cheese has more calories than my common cheese.

Delayed gratification can mean that something is all the more special for the waiting, yes. However when it's taken to extremes about food, like this, the gratification is often about the control you have managed to display. The language you have used to describe his behaviour is extreme.

Him eating some cheese two days before Christmas is entirely normal, but your reaction to it is not.

Do you allow yourself a turnip in the shape of a thingy as well? 😉

It seems almost no-one waits for Christmas day anymore
What does that say about us as a society?

Interesting point.

It’s like kids opening gifts from family instead of under the tree, Santa visiting schools instead of waiting for Christmas Day, chocolates in the shops way before Christmas.

It’s all about consumerism and marketing to make sure you buy twice.

It’s also about certain foods we’re never available during the year, but now you can buy all year round it’s no longer special.

Those enjoying all the extras before and after Christmas will be broke by January.

I half agree with you, if we planned X on Christmas Eve and DH had half eaten it I wouldn’t be too chuffed. You notice they go for the basic grab and go food and not make a meal food! Can’t see DH cooking the gammon joint because he fancies a sandwich!

If my DH was ‘disgusted’ with me because I ate a piece of cheese in my own house, I’m not sure I’d want to stay married