Please, I need to get this off my chest.

[Vanillaskieshazeleyes]

Hi, I've posted before about generic things. But this is something I just cannot talk to people about in person.

Been with partner 13 years. Around 8 years ago he started mentioning me sleeping with other men.

That was a firm NO. Wouldn't dream of it. He sort of played it off as just a fantasy & I STUPIDLY played into it. It's now consumed him so much.

Every single time we're intimate he talks about it. I've said i don't mind now & then talking about it but every time just seems excessive. Anyway, the past few years he's been horrendous with it. Like a dog with a bone.

He's consistently encouraged me to go sleep with someone. I've said no, he said it that much that I said ok I'm going out to do it (I never I sat in my car for an hour) came back & he caused a scene about it. So obviously he didn't want me too do it the whole time.

Now he's saying things like, when will you have sex with me? You slept with someone else, when's it my go.

I'm absolutely devastated I've allowed this to go on so long. I've probably missed lots out, sorry. I'm 29. I feel like I've been under some form of abuse where sex is concerned. But I doubt I have. I want to leave him, I'm done with the whole situation. I could've lived with a fantasy. But he virtually sexual harasses me to sleep with other men.

I'm so glad I never did sleep with anyone. I just need some firm advice on how to be strong to leave him. I don't need judgement. I've done nothing wrong.

Thank you x

Have you considered speaking to the Police about his coercive behaviour?
This may be a solution or having a discussion with a solicitor for 30 minutes which some of them offer for free.
Failing that speak to Citizens advice.
I wish you all the best with a very difficult situation.

Wishing you strength and every happiness going forward x

Oh another classic! My cheating ex said that to me and indeed demanded I didn't take our son around one of my very good male friends who he clearly felt threatened by. Absolute nonsense.

I hope you can get through the day and have a chance to enjoy time with your kids.

OP you aren't weak. You know the right answer here but he is trying to manipulate you.

Just pick a sentence and keep repeating it.

He will go through the process, pleading, manipulating, sobbing and promising then eventually get angry and strop off with any luck.

You will feel the peace return to your life when he's left.

Please do get IRL support though, women's aid or a friend. This but can be hard but don't back down.

@Vanillaskieshazeleyes just checking in you are OK? Have you got a date for him to move out?

You are doing the right thing by ditching him. You only have one shot at life, and are still young. You have two beautiful children that need you and this issue you are describing is toxic.

Get him gone. Make sure the finances are sorted. Get legal advice re: contact with the kids. And then focus on you.

Hi everyone. I had a lovely Christmas with the children, obviously he was there (still is) He's said to me if it's over then it's over for good. No going back. No talk on when he's actually going yet.

I'm feeling a bit down, but I suppose that's to be expected. I hope everyone's had a nice Christmas x

@Vanillaskieshazeleyes I’m sorry you’re going through this - but better things ahead! I hope you have a lovely NYE.

Hi @Vanillaskieshazeleyes , I've had a lovely Christmas, thanks for asking. You can have a lovely Christmas next year too once you've got hm out of the house. All this rubbish about no other man getting near his DC and once it's over, that's it, it IS rubbish, he knows his time is up and he's trying desperately to make you change your mind. In reality, once he's gone he has no say in your future life, he has a right to see his DC but nothing else, you don't have to do as he says, nor do you have to see him. Stay brave Op, you're nearly there

It's all talk to control and make you worry about the future. He knows he's gone too far. Don't fall for it.

Ha so he is now desperately trying to gain control by saying once it’s over he won’t come back is so lame. He’s trying to make you doubt yourself but you know it’s over and everyone feels flat boxing date evening. All that work for a few days

"He's said to me if it's over then it's over for good. No going back."

So still threatening you?

"No talk on when he's actually going yet."

This is your job now. YOU need to give him a deadline and a consequence.

Can you do that?