Please, I need to get this off my chest.

[Vanillaskieshazeleyes]

Hi, I've posted before about generic things. But this is something I just cannot talk to people about in person.

Been with partner 13 years. Around 8 years ago he started mentioning me sleeping with other men.

That was a firm NO. Wouldn't dream of it. He sort of played it off as just a fantasy & I STUPIDLY played into it. It's now consumed him so much.

Every single time we're intimate he talks about it. I've said i don't mind now & then talking about it but every time just seems excessive. Anyway, the past few years he's been horrendous with it. Like a dog with a bone.

He's consistently encouraged me to go sleep with someone. I've said no, he said it that much that I said ok I'm going out to do it (I never I sat in my car for an hour) came back & he caused a scene about it. So obviously he didn't want me too do it the whole time.

Now he's saying things like, when will you have sex with me? You slept with someone else, when's it my go.

I'm absolutely devastated I've allowed this to go on so long. I've probably missed lots out, sorry. I'm 29. I feel like I've been under some form of abuse where sex is concerned. But I doubt I have. I want to leave him, I'm done with the whole situation. I could've lived with a fantasy. But he virtually sexual harasses me to sleep with other men.

I'm so glad I never did sleep with anyone. I just need some firm advice on how to be strong to leave him. I don't need judgement. I've done nothing wrong.

Thank you x

By twisting the narrative and telling people she cheated. Threatening to tell other people to shame her. Shaming her with 'you slept with another man' even though he practically forced it. OP is not dealing with a normal person here. My friend's husband has texts from when she pretended to go on a date he said he is keeping as 'evidence.'

@GremlinsStairlift By twisting the narrative and telling people she cheated. Threatening to tell other people to shame her. Shaming her with 'you slept with another man' even though he practically forced it.

Equally, it's very easy to keep recorded conversations of what this man has said, along with written messages and screenshots.

So if he ever did use it as blackmail, then the other half of the story could also be revealed.

And in that scenario, he would look 100 times worse because it would be clear that (1) he instigated the situation, and (2) every man would know he is a cuck.

Hi all, me again.

I've had the begging today & crying. It gets me down so much. It's making me feel like going back on my word.

I wish I weren't so mentally weak x

How soon after Christmas ( which is tomorrow ) can he leave.
then you can start counting down the hours !

Just get through tomorrow with your children don’t let him ruin that.
But don’t give in, the damage has been done.

Please leave him. Personal experience of this, and it never goes away. Keep yourself safe and don't let yourself be ground down.
I imagine that in saying you'd do it/had done it, you expected it would scratch his itch, and that they might be the end of it, but trust me, you won't "win" this. You're not supposed to win, and it won't end.
Take care of yourself.

If you go back on your word then the crying and begging is going to get worse because he knows that’s how to get under your skin.

Tell him that his behaviour is making you not want to be with him even more.

Just be a bit careful because men will try the ‘poor me’ act and when that doesn’t work then they start getting angry.

Op, he knows if you leave it's back to being just him and his obsession, don't let him get to you. You don't want to be with him anymore so just go

He deliberately goes on and on to wear you down, he doesn’t care how you feel it’s all about him and always will be. This is Christmas, it’s about the kids but as usual he’s making it all about him.

Girl you deserve someone who wants to have sex with you for you and not as a vessel to fulfill a fetish. He can pay someone for that.

Feel so sad for you as these men are next level cruel and have absolutely no empathy.

i wish I could show you how this plays out if you don’t get out early. My ex ground my self confidence into the dust and treated my children like toys. He wants to see them on their birthday and at Christmas to play at being a dad with no interest in their wellbeing whatsoever.

Please believe that you’re all better off without him and involve every support service you can get to force this self obsessed prick out of your lives. 💐

He is treating you like a sex aid. He is utterly revolting!

Tell him the sex with the other guy was way better and you're off.

Not really... but seriously! Get rid of the vile pig. How dare he treat you that way!

Um, how do you know ow what he is or isn't capable of? To us, it sounds exactly like the sort of thing he is likely to escalate to.

He is obsessed, your words! He treats you like a sex aid, he clearly doesn't value you, your safety or opinions. Why wouldn't he drug you and pass you around?

Victims never see this stuff coming.

Please, please be so careful and keep your guard up. Especially now you've expressed an interest in leaving him.

He is trying to wear you down. You know in your heart this is all an act - the tears, the begging, all the different things he is trying. If he really cared about you, then you would not have got to this point, he would be trying to make Christmas nice for you all and he would not also be making nasty comments. He is still treating you really badly and the person he is upset and sorry for for is himself and only only himself. Stay strong.

Sorry I've not had a chance to come on here since my last message.

I've just finished putting the last of the children's presents out for in the morning, so that's kept me occupied.

He's begged he'll do anything to make it work. Then as soon as I said no, he started with the comments like "No man will ever be in the children's lives" etc. So he's clearly never going to change.

What a Christmas this will be x

I’m glad the scales have fallen from your eyes. Wishing you every strength 🌸

Good luck, sending you strength to get through the next couple of days. Keep saying to yourself next Christmas this will just be a bad memory. Your new life without these horrendous mind games is just a few days away. It will be hard at first but the reward is getting to focus on your own needs and being a happy mother for your DC.

Another classic sentence! He’s not very original.

You somehow have to concentrate on the children and blank him out tomorrow. He is all out for himself, he won’t be any different tomorrow or any other day, he is consumed by what makes him happy and you spent years saying no to him about his threesome fantasy he wanted you to participate in. He didn’t give a shit you didn’t want to, he was relentlessly trying to get you to bend to his will.

He believes life is all about pleasing him and he will never be happy with what he has because he will always be focused on having more. He had you but that wasn’t enough for him, he wanted to add in another sexual partner and couldn’t let it go. He is consumed with his own desires and needs and doesn’t see any wrong in eclipsing your own to get his own way. He is a selfish, self consumed twat that doesn’t care if your or Dc day is ruined if he can’t brow beat you down.

I would tell him to leave on Boxing Day if he is awful tomorrow, wait till the Dc go to bed though.

Well the children don’t need another man, they need their father in their lives.

Plus don’t listen to that nonsense. He’s just trying to go after what you care about the most.

You need to work on your own self respect and own your choices

You chose to be with this creep why no one but you knows but do you honestly need to be told this is not healthy?

I didn't choose to be with the creep knowing he was like this & I also never asked to be told it was unhealthy. I already know that, that's why I'm leaving him.

I'm awake whilst the children are still asleep. I'm looking forward to when they wake up. Hopefully he'll sling his hook around the 27th.

I'm focusing on the children & I know it'll be hard when he goes but I also know it's the right thing too do. Have a lovely Christmas everyone & thanks again x

OP, you are doing the right thing and ignore people you chose this, you’re absolutely right, you didn’t choose him knowing who he was, he tricked you.

Please don’t fall for his begging, as you can see, his threats are hanging in the air already.

Sorry if I’ve missed this, has he agreed to move out?

I'm so glad you're getting rid of him.

I'm interested to know what a man like this thinks of the French case. Has he commented on it at all?