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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To Tell SIL To Stop Claiming Things?

761 replies

Addyview · 23/12/2024 04:03

I've been with DH a very long time and we have a child together, I get on well with his brother but his brothers wife is another story. She's nice enough most of the time but makes a lot of situations very awkward because of how tight she is. Whenever she comes round if I offer her something to eat she says things like "Yes, can you also wrap some up for me to take home" no matter what it is! There's a million examples I can give but she basically won't pay for anything and is always on the scrounge.
My husbands brother earns a lot of money and so does his wife so its not like they ever struggle, BIL says its just who she is and does try to stop her.
Anyway on Christmas they're coming for dinner but last year was so uncomfortable because she basically laid claim to everything she saw. Every present she saw me open she was asking if she could have it if I didn't like it or when I was fed up of it, she was pointing at things on the dinner table saying she'd take the leftovers home and telling other guests to not eat it all! It really got on my nerves by the end of the day.
She's coming this year and me and DH are both in agreement that we need to say she can't behave like that because it makes everyone else awkward but BIL has asked us to leave it alone and just ignore her because she gets embarrassed. I'm half tempted to just cancel BIL and his wife altogether if I'm honest.
I'm several years into this womans impolite behaviour and it's casting a bit of a dark cloud over Christmas because I'm dreading her making everyone else feel uncomfortable when she starts! So to me my two options are ring her in the morning and tell her to not behave that way or uninvite them both and tell BIL why. I simply cannot have another Christmas day like last years.

OP posts:
asrl78 · 25/12/2024 14:55

AngelontopoftheTree · 25/12/2024 11:18

Does that make it OK?
Anyway, it's not waste she asks for, it's food people are eating and presents that OP is opening.
I hate all this shit that every bad behaviour must be because of a mental illness! Sometimes people are just dickheads, and they absolutely should be called on it!

Edited

No, but at least we could understand the behaviour even if we wouldn't tolerate it. I too hate the trend of slapping mental illness on anything and everything that should be deemed a nasty behaviour/atttiude just to stop people calling it out; however, I also wouldn't want to take the opposite extreme of assuming everything bad is down to a character flaw and ignoring the possibility of circumstantial effects.

ScrambledEggForBrains · 25/12/2024 15:14

Just tell her "DOWN Girl"!
It works with our dog 😁

fairytailcat · 25/12/2024 15:45

This is hilarious

Why don't you all just rip the piss? I would relentlessly so she feels ashamed

What's she done this year?

Nantescalling · 25/12/2024 17:43

The guilty ones here are, in ordeer, your DH for inviting her knowing how awful she is, the BIL for not sorting her out as in 'if you won't promise not to embarras me, we aren't going. Lastly YOU for not stucking up for yoy
urself and tellingyour DH you wouldn't cook for this greedy bitch.

Nantescalling · 25/12/2024 17:56

Lits of poeopke have said it was too late to cancel but it's never too late to chuck someone out if they are spoiling the atmospohere. Usually it's someone whose tiddly but this woman is worse. So don't forget to let us know how you managed, please.

therealduchess · 25/12/2024 20:12

I think the best solution is just not to invite them next time! But for this year, I'd just grit my teeth & carry on my day. It's definitely a strange quirk!

NavyNorris · 25/12/2024 20:15

OP how was your Christmas? I've been shamelessly checking for updates! I hope you had a peaceful day with no nagging for things from SIL.

ribiera · 25/12/2024 21:01

How's it going OP?

justfornow1 · 25/12/2024 23:55

Have just come back to check for an update op.

What kind of craziness did she pull?

JournalistEmily · 26/12/2024 04:59

So…what happened OP!!

hattie43 · 26/12/2024 06:56

I'd disinvite them . Simple .

Lemonadeand · 26/12/2024 07:32

I want to know how this played out!

ThankULord · 26/12/2024 08:12

Hi, OP.
How was your Christmas? Hope it was better than previous years with your SIL?
I couldn't help thinking about your SIL yesterday. How does an adult someone behave like that ???

FairFuming · 26/12/2024 08:55

She's a much more extreme version of my Ex MIL. I have no advice other then stop being polite and set very tight boundaries.

I really hope yesterday went well for you and you had the best day.

Rainbunny · 26/12/2024 09:24

I hope you'll update us with the results of either your pre-emptive phone call or the outcome of her visit!

I don't have any great advice other than the simplest and hardest thing to do, when she makes an inappropriate request the answer must be "No." Repeated as needed. It will be very uncomfortable for you but after the first few times you'll find it easy, you really will. The first time is the hardest! You don't have to shout it, just say it quietly and firmly and most importantly, don't elaborate. Just say no and move on.

Again, I know this isn't easy to do, we're socialised to be pleasant and accommodating. Just remember, she knows how to behave when she's in a situation where she'll be held accountable (I'm sure she doesn't behave like this with her boss) so she'll adjust when you establish boundaries as well, especially if you keep it to a polite but firm no. Good luck!

TheMaddHugger · 26/12/2024 09:31
Christmas Mainzel GIF by ZDF

@Addyview

LardoBurrows · 26/12/2024 09:59

I do hope that the SIL didn't leave Op's house weighed down with all her Christmas freebies.

SIL sounds like a nightmare.

BMW6 · 26/12/2024 10:03

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SatansBobbleheadedDashboardOrnament · 26/12/2024 10:22

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JaneFrances · 26/12/2024 10:54

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If so they need more help than the sister in law.

VegTrug · 26/12/2024 14:51

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PeggyMitchellsCameo · 26/12/2024 14:54

I can’t believe that I now know:

  • the ending to Gavin & Stacey
  • what happened in the Queen Vic
But have NO idea what happened with the SIL!
ThisIsSockward · 26/12/2024 15:20

Even if someone starts a thread for creative writing purposes, it seems odd to let things end on such a flat note. Wouldn't you want to carry it through to a satisfying conclusion rather than abandoning it unfinished? Or are people writing themselves into a corner and unable to come up with the proper denouement?

Maybe it's all strictly true, but OP doesn't want to face people 'I told you so'-ing or scolding her for not taking their advice. Or it was just a bit anticlimactic, with SIL behaving herself for once.

Dontwearmysocks · 26/12/2024 15:24

@Addyview did she behave herself?

RecklessGoddess · 26/12/2024 16:14

I really hope this is updated soon, I'm sure we all want to know what happened in the end. Especially since the last update was on the 23rd of December!