Why is my Husband so miserable. 11 days post 2nd baby

[wizadora1991]

I am struggling to accept how miserable my Husband is to be around. We had our 2nd baby 11 days ago via c section. It was traumatic, although I have been actively up & about in & out of the house since about day 4

My husbands main responsibility has been our 2 year old, whilst I have breastfed our baby, as well as pumping some extra milk in between feeds for bottles

I am up breastfeeding baby during the night, with my Husband then changing her nappy after an hour or so’s feed. Last night he also gave her a bottle I prepared after a breastfeed, as her weight isn’t great. So his sleep is also broken

I however do need a nap during the day when our toddler naps. So i make sure to boob baby, prep a bottle for husband if needed & take myself off for an hour or so. Breastfeeding really does take it out of you!

Tonight i had my first bath since csection - BLISS! With our toddler which was so lovely. Baby was in her moses in the hall so I could keep an eye on her whilst I was finishing bathing & my Husband sorted toddler downstairs after toddler got out the bath. When toddler went to bed, I asked my Husband to take baby’s moses downstairs & i wouldnt be long

He text me when baby woke up, I ran him his own fresh bubble bath & got downstairs about 10 mins after he text me

Got downstairs, husband was holding baby. I had to wash bottles & fill the steriliser before I could feed as I have to pump after feeding

I could tell he was arsey. That took me another 10 or so mins. I’d made his bath boiling hot so it’d cool down in time for him going up

He’s just had a massive blow up at me saying ‘WHEN DO I GET A BREAK!!’ ‘I’ve looked after our toddler all day today and get no break!!’ He’s also got to walk the dogs tonight, so has stormed upstairs and drained the bath out of protest

I’m just at a loss, I know this time is also hard for him but i’m struggling to get past the fact he’s basically resenting me or something for napping when i need to & having the bath tonight

This sounds really pathetic putting it into words. I know he’s entitled to his feelings, but I’m just feeling a bit low after his words and attitude towards me

Am i being unreasonable to expect a bit more grace from him? Surely using our toddler as an excuse, when he also chose to be a dad, is uncalled for

I’ve just read more of the replies and am actually chuckling at this point. I didn’t realise so many people were in the house with us at the time to presume what happened with this flipping bubble bath 😂😳

for the record, my Husband said ‘oh that looks nice’ to my bath. When i had finished i asked him if he wanted a fresh one of his own running, to which he said yes please

I didn’t tell him YOU ARE HAVING A BATH WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT PAL

goodness me!

Also just to confirm, our toddler goes to nursery 1 & 1/2 days a week, plus is at my parents for 1 day a week. We didn’t want to stop their routine once baby sibling came. Husband also has 3 months of paternity leave, doesn’t go back till March

Given your update about your limited mobility post-surgery, he definitely needs to help with nighttime nappy changes right now. Would a short daytime nap for him also be a good idea? Obviously your nap needs to take priority, but if he could squeeze in 30 minutes, he’ll feel much better.

Hang in there and be kind to each other, it’s rough right now but things will improve. 💐

So post-surgery op has to manage like a single parent but that doesn’t apply to her DH…how does that work.

This agree with others .. dont start competing. Do the night stuff for now and he will more day stuff. 2 kids is HARD at first....

Well aren't you a joy. I was replying to a post claiming someone wasn't allowed an opinion unless they had a c section, I've had a c section and I'm still not allowed an opinion apparently 😂

It's such a riding stretch to call one shouted question verbal abuse. It minimises real abuse. Get a grip you sound really angry over something that actually doesn't affect you. It's Christmas!

That was in reply to someone else. If you read the thread you would see I think the husband is being unreasonable.

So you would leave a baby in a wet nappy????? That’s appalling. I agree the DH shouldn’t have to wake up just to change a tiny nappy if OP is already up as that’s breaking sleep unnecessarily but to not change a nappy if it’s wet is not right. That’s how nappy rash starts

Can’t you have some nappies by the bed? Especially whilst she’s tiny.

I’m not trying to add to your load - I’ve been there! But I picked up a few tricks as a lone parent and I’m only suggesting this as a way to avoid breaking his sleep just for a nappy as that may help his mood, given you’re already awake??
Only because even just a 30 second break of a deep sleep can impact mood especially if it’s every night. I’m not saying “Never wake the man up!” God no! Just that you’re already up to breastfeed AND if he gets a full night to rest up properly then 1. His mood should improve and 2. He’s in a better state to manage whilst you nap in the day! 👍🏻

I’ve learnt a lot about sleep, as a sufferer of chronic fatigue and even a 30 second break from a deep sleep makes a huge difference to how well rested you are.

I’m sorry but what a pathetic man. You are not even 2 weeks out from major surgery and are breastfeeding and caring for a tiny newborn and he has the audacity to be annoyed that he hasn’t had a break?

Ermmmm….welcome to parenthood!?!?

a)This is a Zombie. The baby must be nearly 4 months old
b) You didn't read her updates, did you?