Not to let dh take MIL food shopping on Xmas eve

[Bookitonlinenextyear]

Every year we prompt MIL about what a good idea it would be to book an online delivery. Every year she says ‘oh no - I like to pick my own fresh things the day before!’
Every year she then asks dh to take her. It takes AGES because she wants to look at everything and chat to everyone. It takes Dh away from me and the dc on Xmas eve and I find it irritating.

This year it’s been no different we told her please book an online delivery as we have plans this year we can’t take you shopping. She didn’t.
We offered to add anything she needed to our delivery due on 23rd. Not good enough, she as usual wants to pick her own things.

We have all come down with an awful cold/flu and she’s called dh to try to arrange to
go food shopping on Tuesday !!!! He is saying he feels he has to I’ve told him categorically no. That he can’t as if we aren’t all better I just want to rest and if we are all better I want to do something with the dc. She can get a taxi. AIBU to put my foot down ?

That’s a lovely thing to do with his Mum. What a great example he’s setting to your children.

FIL passed away in 2020

Of course you're not being unreasonable - some of these responses are bonkers. She's 66 years old - she can get a bloody taxi!

I don't think he enjoys it!

Why don't you take her. That way she's still getting to the shops on Christmas Eve and you can hurry her up a little.

She's 66 not 106.

I don't know why you are getting such a hard time here. For years we've done everything we can to avoid a trip to a big supermarket on Christmas Eve. Its a nightmare and takes hours longer than a normal shop. Most of the stuff bought could be bought the day before, so why does it have to be xmas eve? Different if its a pre ordered collection of something fresh for xmas day but even then its possible to do that earlier.
For that reason. I think your MIL is being unreasonable. You've explained that you are ill and offered alternatives, including coming to yours on Xmas eve which would be nicer for everyone than hanging around a crowded shop for hours. Plus you have a SIL who could do a turn.
Maybe next year... you have a Christmas Order booked that can be added to, DH could take her the week before, she could pick out most of the things then and list the fresher items to pick up from you with your order. That would be the best of both worlds.
Your DC want DH around and so he should be around. We are normally very busy getting ready for xmas day on xmas eve and I'd be annoyed if DH took off for hours to the supermarket on Xmas eve every single year. (Actually he is doing that very thing this year.. but that was all planned and agreed in advance and our DC are older so its not a big deal this year.)

In all honesty I can think of nothing worse than shopping on Christmas Eve and I do think the MIL is being unreasonable in making such demands. Yes, it is great that her DS wants to help her out but there have been other options available to her and did he really ought to be associating and mingling with people following a heavy cold??

He takes her 1st thing on Christmas Eve, and I mean 1st thing !
Do you all realise how early the supermarkets will be opening ?!!!

Then he will be home to spend the day with you and the children.

What is it that you have planned for the day that you need him to be with you all ?

Not if the wife didn't want to do it. Then the DH would be supporting his wife.

What is she doing on Christmas Day

I thought ywbu until I read on. 66! And she's hostile towards you.

I hope dh listens to you for once?

Could be the reason why you resent your DH spending a few hours helping his DM on Xmas Eve. You sadly have no life experience of a mother and adult child relationship. Don't make it so hard for your DH. You have the rest of Xmas Eve and Xmas Day as a family!

66 is not elderly! It's working age.

Op says she sees her dd

I'm sorry for your loss 💐.
We take so much for granted, don't we, in selfishness and in haste.

Then if he hates it so much - he needs to communicate this to his mother. He is an adult.
Not the OP demanding.

You sound very selfish.

Have you read all the OP's posts? She isn't that lonely if she doesn't want to spend Christmas with them despite being invited is she? What kind of GM declines spending Christmas Day with her grandkids bc they're a bit noisy?

This is quite clearly a power play from the selfish MIL who wants to unnecessarily command her ds's attention and take him away from his family for her own selfish wants.

The dh sounds like a wet lettuce and needs to grow a backbone.

The MIL is a nasty, selfish, lazy cow.

I realise this maybe isn’t helpful for this year if you’re all unwell but maybe another year if your DH feels obliged to help and doesn’t want to say no, he could say he will go on 22nd or 23rd but not Christmas Eve.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. It sounds really frustrating and she sounds selfish.

Yes, I wondered this.

She’s only 66, she could be round for 20-30 more years yet. It’s fine for him to say no. It’s not like they haven’t offered alternative ways of helping her but she’s refused it all. She doesn’t care he’s ill, she just wants him to prioritise OP over her. People talk about older women like they are helpless, sorry individuals, it’s quite patronising.

And you know this for sure, how?! I used the word 'probably'. Allows for a margin of chance.

Have you rtft? Mil insists 10am shop

It's actually the age we can take our pension.
66 may not be elderly for some but it may be for others. You can't generalise as to how people feel at any particular age.