Not to let dh take MIL food shopping on Xmas eve

[Bookitonlinenextyear]

Every year we prompt MIL about what a good idea it would be to book an online delivery. Every year she says ‘oh no - I like to pick my own fresh things the day before!’
Every year she then asks dh to take her. It takes AGES because she wants to look at everything and chat to everyone. It takes Dh away from me and the dc on Xmas eve and I find it irritating.

This year it’s been no different we told her please book an online delivery as we have plans this year we can’t take you shopping. She didn’t.
We offered to add anything she needed to our delivery due on 23rd. Not good enough, she as usual wants to pick her own things.

We have all come down with an awful cold/flu and she’s called dh to try to arrange to
go food shopping on Tuesday !!!! He is saying he feels he has to I’ve told him categorically no. That he can’t as if we aren’t all better I just want to rest and if we are all better I want to do something with the dc. She can get a taxi. AIBU to put my foot down ?

The DIL who you call entitled and spiteful has repeatedly asked her over on Christmas Day. She has refused. And the son is spending Boxing Day with her.
No karma needed

Plenty of people have to work on Christmas Eve.

My point is that his wife does not get to decide what her DH does. Two hours or even three on Christmas Eve in the morning is not going to cause so many problems. He is only seeing it as a problem because he is being told it is a problem. And it should NOT be an issue. My mum died this year as well - let him make his mum a priority for a few hours - you never know what is around the corner. Anyway - my son works all Christmas Eve - as do many men (and women) so it really is a non issue as far as I can see.

Just to throw another observation in: if her husband died in 2020, she's likely still grieving and Christmas tends to bring things like that into sharp focus. I'd also be interested to know when OP married - before or after death of FIL? As grief can make people behave selfishly and unreasonably, and if OP's husband married and moved out close to FIL death, his mother may well have felt totally abandoned and alone.

Or MIL could just be a demanding nightmare, of course.

Get ready for when she gets elderly, every day will be like this. And every night.

Good luck.

You prefer online shopping and she doesn't. Why is your way the only way? I wonder who she is cooking dinner for?

she's only 66, why can't she go shopping on her own, otherwise she needs to go 22nd or 23rd. she sounds really selfish, demanding to go on 24th only.

What goes around comes around

Exactly, if you get drunk at your son's wedding and tell his wife she stole him away from you, don't be surprised if said wife isn't your biggest fan....
and, again, he doesn't want to take her.

Why? She likes going shopping with her DS. What else are you doing on Christmas Eve that doesn't involve MiL - who must live close by? I know you invite her for Christmas Day and she chooses not to come, but a couple of hours on Christmas Eve?

I get it, but she is also his family. It's his literal mother.

I don't think you can begrudge anyone a couple of hours on Christmas eve with their elderly mother.

Got what you wanted then.

Can he go early and get back for lunch time you could all then head out and do something nice with the kids?
I think Xmas is a just a time that requires a bit of compromise by everyone.

Where does MIL have Xmas dinner?

I’ve accepted that when my children are grown, with families of their own, they are going to want to make their own plans on holidays. Because I love my children and want to celebrate with them, I’m willing to visit and celebrate with them on the surrounding days. If MIL wanted the time with her son, she would accept the 23rd. This isn’t about time with her son. It’s about competing with her DIL. I’m appalled that DH and MIL left OP struggling with a 6 days old baby for several hours. I would have offered to come help OP and cook Christmas dinner at OP’s for her and DH. If my DS even suggested leaving his struggling wife and newborn, I’d give him a sound telling off. I can understand why OP is at her limit now.

I find it shocking that so many families refuse to understand that their grown children might want to make plans of their own for holidays. My in-laws and some of my family are like this. They want to be chosen above the spouses and children, so they refuse any kind of flexibility in their plans and try to guilt you if you don’t do what they want. This isn’t just for Christmas either. One of my relatives got offended because my I went to dinner with my DH to celebrate my birthday instead of going to her house to eat a cake I didn’t even like (she bought the cake my golden child cousin liked for my birthday). My DH and I have decided how we want to celebrate holidays. We are happy to include our extended families and attempt to schedule alternate dates to celebrate. If they aren’t willing, then we know it isn’t about celebrating with us, it’s about controlling us.

You are being completely selfish and trying to take away time that your DH has with his Mum. I hope he takes her and fits in a meal or coffee & cake afterwards as well, she will not live forever and nobody wants to feel lonely at Christmas. You should be ashamed.

No she doesn't as it has been said on this thread by the OP.

And? Plenty of people in their 60s age quickly following a bereavement

I very much suspect if the OP's DH tried telling OP what to do he'd be on the receiving end of sharp words too.

Yanbu.
i wonder how much she did for her parents when her kids were that small.
i would be livid at him leaving me for several hours when my baby was 6 days old i dont care what anyone says.
i think its the term “let” that has got peoples backs up.
tell him to go and tell him to take the kids.

Well the OP is now proving that she did steal him....

I think it's a nice tradition between mother and son. Plus it seems she lives on her own so it's a bit of a social outing for her too. I shop online but I know what she means about picking her own. It means you don't get the shit short dates and you can choose your own alternative if they don't have something you want.

I imagine the DH is telling the OP that he doesn't want to go because he's getting such grief over it.

no need to wonder, you could have just read the actual thread before posting...

She is cooking dinner for herself and her daughter because she doesn't want to go over to her son's for Christmas day (having been invited) because she finds her grandchildren too noisy.

"OPs way"/online shopping isn't the only way, the MIL has also been offered shopping with her daughter, shopping with her son any day other than christmas eve, she could get a bus or taxi and shop by herself, or accept the invitation to their house and do no shopping at all. Again, maybe read the thread, or at least just OP's updates first rather than criticising OP for things you've completely made up?

Actually, if SIL is going to MIL for Xmas dinner I think she needs to take MIL for the shopping. And if she is in work on 24th MIL needs to be a bit flexible and maybe go on the Monday...

Yet she refuses to come on Christmas Day. And her son is seeing her Boxing Day.

I'm with the OP on this. The MIL sounds selfish and any other options offered to her, she just turns down.

I had this yesterday with my MIL. DH was persuaded to take her food shopping. I'm sure she would also prefer Christmas Eve but DH is working then. She lives 1.5 hours away from us, in a town centre and about 500m from 2 supermarkets. She is also well able to afford taxis. No she is not hosting on the day, we are going there and taking all the food with us ... I offered to add anything she needs to our delivery due today, as she never books a Christmas delivery despite DH's frequent reminders..

Bloody hell I had assumed she was in her 80’s!
Im nearly her age and I will be driving to Tesco on Christmas Eve and doing my shop, including food for my adult children who are coming home for Christmas.
I was thinking she was old and infirmed and might not have many more Christmas’ left.

God a supermarket on Christmas Eve is the last place I'd be taking young children!!