Not to let dh take MIL food shopping on Xmas eve

[Bookitonlinenextyear]

Every year we prompt MIL about what a good idea it would be to book an online delivery. Every year she says ‘oh no - I like to pick my own fresh things the day before!’
Every year she then asks dh to take her. It takes AGES because she wants to look at everything and chat to everyone. It takes Dh away from me and the dc on Xmas eve and I find it irritating.

This year it’s been no different we told her please book an online delivery as we have plans this year we can’t take you shopping. She didn’t.
We offered to add anything she needed to our delivery due on 23rd. Not good enough, she as usual wants to pick her own things.

We have all come down with an awful cold/flu and she’s called dh to try to arrange to
go food shopping on Tuesday !!!! He is saying he feels he has to I’ve told him categorically no. That he can’t as if we aren’t all better I just want to rest and if we are all better I want to do something with the dc. She can get a taxi. AIBU to put my foot down ?

I hope you all have a lovely Christmas OP and that some of these posts haven't upset you too much

You forgot to tag me, was that because you were done arguing?

You must have missed the part where the OP said that her DH feels that he has to take his mother shopping on Christmas Eve, not that he wants to. He probably wouldn't get any pleasure in going shopping on Christmas Eve.

@Bookitonlinenextyear - I think it's very inconsiderate of your MiL, given that you have put many options to her on how her shopping could be done but she doesn't want any of them. She clearly wants her son.
If I were him I'd tell her that I could either collect her at a crazy time (say 8am as supermarkets will be open from really early on Christmas Eve) and he'll drop her to the shops. He's not going to stay and she can take her sweet time wandering around the shops. He will drive back to the supermarket if she wants a lift home and he'll collect her at say 11:30am (giving her 3.5hrs in the shops) and bring her home but he's not parking and he's not staying as he's not well.

Ah @Bookitonlinenextyear hopefully that will make things ok from MIL's side and allow everyone to be quite happy!

Why oh why every different opinion is 'weaponising her experiences against her'? If she did not have a mum with whom she had a bond, she is not likely to understand his bond, is she? And she is not likely to care about it, is she? What was wrong with this statement? Also, I am not old, but I don't like spending time with other people's boisterous children. Boisterous is being the euphemism for badly behaved in most cases, btw.

The thing is if she said that actually she still
needed to go food shopping and was prepared to go on the 23rd at any time (if dh is better) it really wouldn’t be a problem but she totally refuses . I’m not being deliberately unkind and depriving her it’s just she has been so rigid and difficult about exact timings and dates etc that it’s been really stressful the past 3 years

To me Christmas Eve has always been magical and that's because I remember it as such from when I was very small. I still find it more magical than Christmas day: the anticipation, the presents under the tree, the scent of the tree, wonderful food . . . I would not want to spend it trailing round a supermarket after someone else. This year I'm going to collect some special food from an indepdent store and when I come home it'll be food, telly, wine, reading and general cosiness, more or less what the OP wants by the sound of it.

I didn't forget. Your comment was directly above mine so there was no need to quote. 🙂

Can’t believe all the hate you’re getting for this - it’s so unreasonable of the MIL. Fair enough if she wants to go Christmas Eve but she goes alone - her son has his own family now and it’s only fair that you all get to do things together as a family. Kids are only young once. I’d be like you and expect my husband at home with his family.

Ooo there you are again 😂😂😂

When did his mum stop being his family?

I have to admit this has made me a bit sad. DS2 has come Thanksgiving (I'm in the US) and Xmas food shopping with me every year since he was literally in utero. I have started to do 'click and collect' for most things but I do like to pick out the turkey, fresh veg, eggs, and a few other things in person. DS2 has been picking out the turkey for us since he was probably 7 or so. This year his lovely GF went with us and she seemed to enjoy it and picked out a few bits for the things she's cooking for her own family. All told we were gone about 60-90 minutes.

I'm sure the day may come when DS2 'bows out' of the tradition, and although I'll graciously say "I don't mind", it'll be a sad day for me. I drive so it won't create a hardship in that way, but we lose traditions as our children grow and that's always hard.

@Bookitonlinenextyear 66?!! Thought you were going to say 86! I'm that age, can still put in a full bank shift at hospital and do my online shop to feed my visitors. I presume she manages her own shopping the rest of the year so I don't think you are being unreasonable, you gave ample warning that it wasn't going to happen this year and that you are all unwell, if your DH gives in and she gets her own way it just reinforces her behaviour and let's her think she can always get her own way. Goodness me she should be helping you as your all unwell💐

And if he said as a compromise can we go on the Tuesday before Thanksgiving and not the Wednesday what would you say?

Edit - missed some updates so comment not relevant

Why does she insist on Christmas Eve? It's really strange. Surely, all fresh stuff will be fine for Christmas, and she's not even cooking christmas dinner anyway is she?

Tell her the 23rd or nothing. My mum was grateful me taking her Xmas food shopping not dictating when we went .Use to go early in the morning to get back in a decent amount of time

What was MiLs reaction to the change?

She is - for OPs SiL.

Being honest, I would hate this too and make a fuss. If he insists to go, ask them to go first thing in the morning so it’s doesn’t take away from the rest of the day

Did you not read what op said? The mil has cats and op and the kids are allergic so op invites her to her house and she says no the kids give her a headache. Don't guess.. read the posts.

@Bookitonlinenextyear I can understand why it's stressful.

Fingers crossed MIL likes the new arrangement so that Christmas Eve can be more settled for you, and Boxing Day can be their day to see each other without any rush or hassle or causing ructions. I think that's fair and will hopefully work things out in a way that suits everyone better. Let's hope it goes well this year.

@Bookitonlinenextyear she doesnt need help throughout the rest of the year so why does she need his help on christmas eve? she she realise how batty that sounds when she is only feeding one extra person for one day???? is she angry now that your husband has said no to her??

That would be fine. Because we normally go the Sunday before Thanksgiving.

So how is she getting her food for Christmas now?

Who does her food shopping the rest of the year?