Not to let dh take MIL food shopping on Xmas eve

[Bookitonlinenextyear]

Every year we prompt MIL about what a good idea it would be to book an online delivery. Every year she says ‘oh no - I like to pick my own fresh things the day before!’
Every year she then asks dh to take her. It takes AGES because she wants to look at everything and chat to everyone. It takes Dh away from me and the dc on Xmas eve and I find it irritating.

This year it’s been no different we told her please book an online delivery as we have plans this year we can’t take you shopping. She didn’t.
We offered to add anything she needed to our delivery due on 23rd. Not good enough, she as usual wants to pick her own things.

We have all come down with an awful cold/flu and she’s called dh to try to arrange to
go food shopping on Tuesday !!!! He is saying he feels he has to I’ve told him categorically no. That he can’t as if we aren’t all better I just want to rest and if we are all better I want to do something with the dc. She can get a taxi. AIBU to put my foot down ?

I completely agree!
I have already posted so will not repeat.

I expect she looks forward to this as part of Christmas. Besides it’s nice he wants to take her. You will have your DH for the rest of Christmas! One day you might be the MIL whose DIL begrudges time her DH spends with his mother. What goes around comes around! Happy Christmas!

So he gets back at a decent time and he can do whatever needs to be done with you and DC. What’s the problem?

maybe they shout in caps at her!

What about what he wants, though?

Don't let the boring old facts get in the way...

You sound a control freak, he’s an adult and can take her shopping if he wants.

YANBU - even if she was elderly, in her 80s and lonely as many presumed at the start of the thread, her wants don’t trump yours, your dh or dc. Not when you have offered alternatives. As it goes, she’s 66 and sounds more than capable of going to the shops if she just has to go in person.

I'm 66 and I spent 30 years of my career working on computers. Most office jobs have involved using technology for decades now.

@ABunchOfBadBitches
DH doesn't want to do it plus he is ill

Why?
I would say he can only go on the 23 and not 24 (when stuff will be selling out anyway!) as he’s busy or no to both as you’re ill. End of.
Shes 66 not 86.

My dad is older and he’s ordered all his food online a couple of weeks ago. Sounds like she is being fussy for the sake of it and you don’t need to pander to it.
Who on earth wants to spend Xmas Eve in a packed supermarket. Most people avoid it!

She was his family long before you were. You can still have Christmas Eve as a family.

Exactly. My dad is older and worked in IT since the 70s!

Me too! I'm loving the "old people can't manage to order online shopping" used of a woman the same age as me!

I disagree.

Not saying she’s right, you know, but I think this is what’s going on.

I didn't say the MIL behaviour was great, but thinking you can get even by refusing to go in for a cup of tea is just pathetic behaviour. Even more so thinking you have the right to tell him what to do while moaning about his mother doing the same.
He is a grown man and a father of two children, he doesn't need her 'putting her foot down' on issues between him and his mother.
Maybe if she treated her husband with some respect he might just handle the issue on his own and in her favour. Like I said before everything isn't a battle.

It’s not about the shopping. It’s about being with her son on this particular morning.

What is it you actually want to do on Xmas eve that requires you to be out all day?

Oh my word. The op has said a few times he’s only doing it out of guilt. He doesn’t want to go to a supermarket on Christmas Eve! I don’t blame him either.

Except he doesn't want to take her and its only a recent thing in terms of him taking her.

DH has clearly said what he wants - he wants two women in his life to stop being as bad as the other.

Christmas food shopping id say is a footnote in this whole story.

Your DH has told you what he wants - a bit of peace and headspace.

And what he should do on Christmas Eve is take the kids to the park and let both you and his mother reflect on the demands you make on him.

Her husband is not king dead, and you grew up in care. You are both dealing with shit. But he cannot fill a void or heal a hurt for either of you.

This would make my shit itch, she's been forewarned.

I’m not saying the MiL is right to want this.
I’m just saying this is what it’s about, not “help with shopping”. That’s a pretext.

@Bookitonlinenextyear if her husband died in 2020, who took her shopping the other 21 years???? she is only 66 for goodness sake!

She's 66, she might live another 30+ years!