Not to let dh take MIL food shopping on Xmas eve

[Bookitonlinenextyear]

Every year we prompt MIL about what a good idea it would be to book an online delivery. Every year she says ‘oh no - I like to pick my own fresh things the day before!’
Every year she then asks dh to take her. It takes AGES because she wants to look at everything and chat to everyone. It takes Dh away from me and the dc on Xmas eve and I find it irritating.

This year it’s been no different we told her please book an online delivery as we have plans this year we can’t take you shopping. She didn’t.
We offered to add anything she needed to our delivery due on 23rd. Not good enough, she as usual wants to pick her own things.

We have all come down with an awful cold/flu and she’s called dh to try to arrange to
go food shopping on Tuesday !!!! He is saying he feels he has to I’ve told him categorically no. That he can’t as if we aren’t all better I just want to rest and if we are all better I want to do something with the dc. She can get a taxi. AIBU to put my foot down ?

I think people are missing this:
she was always having ‘migraines’ and ‘attacks’ and ‘feeling faint’ just constantly. (in the aftermath of her husband dying)

probably because the OP mentioned them in passing while heavily implying these were fabricated health issues.

She may be only 66, but plenty of people are frailer than the average due to chronic health conditions.

And it has to be that particular day, at that particular time does it?
OP has said that he sees his mum often!

“It takes DH away from me”

Are you for real? Also, are you 12 🤣

op, get a grip of yourself. You don’t own him, you are not his boss, and you do not dictate what he does and doesn’t do with his mother.
You will lose this battle if you keep it up. This is his mother-and one day, when she’s no longer here, he’ll remember your controlling attitude with bitterness and resentment.
Also, Christmas Eve day, is just a day.

Bloody hell I thought you were going to say she was in her 80s!

Definitely not being unreasonable.

My mum is nearly 70 and ran her first marathon in the summer. People saying 66 is old and infirm are ridiculous.

She could have him all Christmas day too. She chooses not to.

I hate having the christmas shop delivered and im barely 40. I want to choose my veg, often will spot a treat or two or remember something i need purely because i spot. Everyone is cheery and christmas music is playing, its part of the christmas build up. It sounds like a pleasant thing for your DH to do with his mum. One day you'll be delighted when your own DC make time for you at Christmas time because they've seen your DH treat his mum well.

It sounds as if she wants some company on Christmas Eve, it's probably a long day for her

YANBU.

You have offered countless alternatives to help her out, but the option she demands is the one which takes her son away from his own children.

His children deserve his time.

He doesn’t want to do this. He needs to use his words and tell her that he isn’t available on Christmas Eve, but could drop her off and pick her up at x time on x day.

I am sure a DIL can get MN calling you utterly selfish for expecting them to drink your ‘special’ mystery cocktails too.

Let him help his elderly mother.

She can have company, but she's not interested in visiting her son or spending time with her grandchildren...

She's 66!

No it isn't. It's only been for three years he's done it.

The first I have ever ever heard going to a soulless Tesco on Christmas eve as being a Christmas tradition!
One I'd rather poke my eyes out with a rusty spoon, than embrace!!

Absolutely this!

I'm a granny as are many friends. We have all been in @Bookitonlinenextyear shoes with children and wouldn't dream of interrupting Christmas eve.

We've had various grandchildren the last few days to help out. But tomorrow is sorting out all the presents. Getting the office straight. Doing washing and drying. Christmas eve I'll be cleaning through, we're a bit upside down with youngest home . I won't be bloody shopping.

So imo granny can take a hike.

It is an outing for her, going to the shops eith her don and talking to people; don’t be selfish

Jesus, so you have no empathy for OP as a 16 year old care leaver on her own for Christmas in a bedsit? None at all? But heaps of empathy for a 66 year old woman who will be spending Christmas with her daughter, refuses to spend Christmas with her grandchildren as they are too boisterous and demands to be taken shopping on Christmas Eve at 10.00 am exactly. Not a minute before or a minute after. She did this one Christmas Eve when OP had a 6 day old baby.

The bare faced cheek of you berating and scolding OP for her lack of empathy for her selfish, not particularly elderly MIL is astounding.

She's 66. Not especially elderly.

OP I am so sorry at the replies you have gotten on this, anything to do with in laws and xmas seems to create a stir.

Your points are valid although maybe the wording 'let him' has come across wrong.

She's all of 66 FFS
🙄

But he isn't allowed to go drink the cocktails on Christmas eve either as op and her children are allergic to cats....he's allowed an hour or two boxing day.

No expecting here! I get whatsapps asking for them! And no mystery about them either, so I'm happy to oblige.... glug glug

It's one day! He sees his mum on Boxing Day and they invite her on Christmas Day but she doesn't want to come...

Well I thought you were being unreasonable until I saw she was 66. She's not an old lady and you've already offered to help her.

Old people have different ideas and plenty of time; they have not been using technology as long as other people