Not to let dh take MIL food shopping on Xmas eve

[Bookitonlinenextyear]

Every year we prompt MIL about what a good idea it would be to book an online delivery. Every year she says ‘oh no - I like to pick my own fresh things the day before!’
Every year she then asks dh to take her. It takes AGES because she wants to look at everything and chat to everyone. It takes Dh away from me and the dc on Xmas eve and I find it irritating.

This year it’s been no different we told her please book an online delivery as we have plans this year we can’t take you shopping. She didn’t.
We offered to add anything she needed to our delivery due on 23rd. Not good enough, she as usual wants to pick her own things.

We have all come down with an awful cold/flu and she’s called dh to try to arrange to
go food shopping on Tuesday !!!! He is saying he feels he has to I’ve told him categorically no. That he can’t as if we aren’t all better I just want to rest and if we are all better I want to do something with the dc. She can get a taxi. AIBU to put my foot down ?

I missed her age, I assumed wrongly she was 86 not 66 which does make a difference actually
Offer her another time, perhaps tomorrow evening

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She is 66 not 96! Most people are still working at that age.

What does he want,? Christmas Eve isn't a holiday it's a normal working day with a get out early if you're lucky.

Going for canonisation I see. Up there with Mother Theresa

If OP is 66 like her MIL at this point, I assume that she will be able to walk round the supermarket normally rather than shuffling around.

She may also take added precautions to maintain good relationships with her adult children such as being kind and welcoming to her children's partners/husbands/wives and enjoying time with her grandchildren rather than declining to see them because they are too noisy.

It's like taking out 'try not to be a twat' insurance.

@beachcomber74 the op's MIL is 66 not 86. I'm 64. I have a work phone a personal phone, three screens on my desk and am competent.

Not surprised he feels that way.
You should seriously think yourself about why you feel so strongly the way you do. Is it worth all the drama?

You still have not engaged with the suggestion of him going on the evening of the 23rd and that becoming the new arrangement.

Is that an option?

Not this year, necessarily, since everyone is unwell, but in the future?

It would mean he could fulfil his duty to his mother, as he sees it, which is a positive thing if you look at it with generous eyes instead of resentment. And you could have a day at home with him and your children on Christmas Eve.

Sorry OP but you are being selfish. Let your husband choose what HE wants to do. You can’t control his choices.

It's 66+. You don't get the state pension upon your 66th birthday. I'll working till I'm 66 years and <checks letter> 4 months, minimum. So yes, many 66 year olds work, and soon it will be 67 year olds.

Oh come on - seeing the same friends every year isn't remotely comparable to traipsing around Tesco for several hours!

There's nothing wrong with going the day before, or two days before. Any grown adult who demands hours of their sons' time just to do a bloody food shop needs to get a grip of themselves, quite frankly.

The shopping outing basically means she gets to spend a bit of time near Christmas alone with him.
I’d ask him For compromise, to make an early start, afterwards home for the film , then he spends the rest of Christmas with you.
She is widowed, her husband has died. She may be difficult but I would let this go..

On line veg can be awful at Christmas some things just don't replace choosing your own.

He could make the whole thing stop by making a decision and asserting his own wishes, tbf. But it sounds like he's running away to the park and putting his fingers in his ears instead.

How utterly spiteful of you.

You can easily create new traditions without taking your adult son away from his small children for hours on Christmas Eve.

He feels pulled between both of us ‘acting in a very similar way for two women who claim to not be like the other’

@Bookitonlinenextyear

he’s not wrong.

fwiw, I don’t buy the ‘traditions’ or ‘making memories’. Your mil just wants to have her wants acknowledged and facilitated by family who love her - it’s a way for your DH to ‘evidence’ this for her. Not a million miles away from what you want out of him. The date should be irrelevant but it’s not to either of you, you both clearly place some importance on it.

personally, I think your DH needs to put some effort into smoothing family relations so there isn’t this ridiculous push/pull squabbling and your DC can have an relationship with their grandmother. That’s not up to you to do, but it’s on both you and your MIL to facilitate because your both love him.

I agree that food shopping on Xmas Eve is ridiculous, but no adult should be in a position to "let" another adult do something. He has free will, OP, and he absolutely does not need your permission. If he's nuts enough to want to take his mum shopping, then that's absolutely what he should do.

So true also. This morning I got delivered some lovely rotten turnips and some Carrots that looked like they had seen better days.

Off to morrisons I go...

But the MIL won't compromise! She has to go at a specific time on a specific day - nothing else is good enough.

Really it's up to the husband to decide what he should do. Op can put her point of view - I'm sure she has - but then it's up to him.

Absolutely, but you don't need to go shopping on Christmas Eve at a specific time to get decent vegetables.

On MN it seems as though anyone 60+ is regarded as a decrepit technophobe.

Oh please. 🙄
A few hours of a parent visiting grandma on Christmas Eve isn’t an ACE