Not to let dh take MIL food shopping on Xmas eve

[Bookitonlinenextyear]

Every year we prompt MIL about what a good idea it would be to book an online delivery. Every year she says ‘oh no - I like to pick my own fresh things the day before!’
Every year she then asks dh to take her. It takes AGES because she wants to look at everything and chat to everyone. It takes Dh away from me and the dc on Xmas eve and I find it irritating.

This year it’s been no different we told her please book an online delivery as we have plans this year we can’t take you shopping. She didn’t.
We offered to add anything she needed to our delivery due on 23rd. Not good enough, she as usual wants to pick her own things.

We have all come down with an awful cold/flu and she’s called dh to try to arrange to
go food shopping on Tuesday !!!! He is saying he feels he has to I’ve told him categorically no. That he can’t as if we aren’t all better I just want to rest and if we are all better I want to do something with the dc. She can get a taxi. AIBU to put my foot down ?

"Advice please. I'm a 66 year old grandmother. Every year I ask my son (married with young children) to take me to the supermarket on Christmas Eve. Every year he suggests that I book an online delivery instead, or offers to add my items to their food shop, but I like to choose my own things so I insist on being taken to the shop.

This year he told me that he cannot take me shopping on Christmas Eve as they have plans as a family. They offered to add my items to their order as usual but I declined. Now his whole family have come down with a nasty cold, possibly even the flu. I have called to tell him I'd like him to take me to the supermarket on Christmas Eve as usual and his wife is upset! She says he can't take me and she's expecting him to spend the day with her and the children instead. Before anyone suggests that I invite them over, they can't come because they are allergic to my pets. And I can't be around the grandchildren anyway because they give me a headache."

LIKE FUCK would everyone be talking about special supermarket memories 🤣🤣 She'd be told to stop being selfish and get a grip.

I think this is more than needing to go shopping…
She wants her son back under her control doing her bidding and she doesn’t want you around. That’s why she won’t spend Christmas Day with you… she wants her son all to herself. And giving him a time to arrive making sure he puts the shopping away and lunch is all about her controlling him.
I do understand she’s lonely after her husband died, but she showed you her true colours on your wedding day….she doesn’t like you because you’ve taken her son away.
So this needs to stop. Take back control. He’s too ill this year so if she doesn’t want to wait for SiL she will need to get a taxi. She’s 66 for god sake! And then next year make it clear it’s SiL turn and you won’t be available. Stop pampering to this nonsense.

With respect OP, I don’t think it’s fair that you extend this I had to be tough so other have to attitude to your MiL.
You have no idea at all what kind of older person you will be, what mental or medical conditions will hit you. Or how you would feel emotionally if you end up alone at Christmas after having kids.

Why have you so firmly decided that Christmas Eve has to be an occasion? You already have all of Christmas Day with your DH and DC.

Well, yes - the same applies to every single thread on here...

It's irrelevant whether the MIL is unreasonable or a CF or a PITA or whatever character attacks the OP has insinuated. She doesn't get to "let" her husband do it or not and she doesn't get to "put her foot down". It's a totally normal and wholesome activity, it's not as if he wants to go out on a coke-fuelled bender on Xmas Eve with his mates. So he decides whether he wants to do it. That applies whether he really wants to do it, doesn't want to do it but considers his duty to his mum more important, or moans about it but ultimately does want to do it.

Given that all OP wants him at home for is watching a Xmas film I'm sure she'll be able to cope without him for half a day.

She is ridiculous. No you can't. End off.But why is it up to you. You sound very bossy and controlling. PoorDH.

That was quite manipulative of you. Why not just let it be his choice without shoving the kid guilt in his face. He will be gone for 3 or 4hours max. You still have the whole of the rest of the day together. Just ask him to go a bit earlier so he can be back by early afternoon.

Yet you posted otherwise on this thread, that you 'were the boss'?

It seems like a real battle of wills between you and your mother in law. Your husband is in the middle of that. The fact that you don't tolerate his mother (and from what you've posted, you don't), is it really surprising that she won't come to you for Christmas Day?

'Headache' is possibly a euphemism for 'terrible atmosphere, will stay at home'.

She is 66 and may be around for a while. How are you going to deal with that next year and beyond?

Well YABU. But why doesn't he drop her off then pick her up when she's ready?

I think its only kind to try and keep these little traditions for the older generations
FFS! I am older than this MIL, and traditions do not involve fighting for the yellow sticker stuff on Christmas eve whilst dragging away my adult son from his wife and excited little children.

Older generation lololol...

Without wishing to be gloomy, my late husband and I did go to the supermarket a couple of days before he died. It wasn’t a particularly memorable day in and of itself, though it was sunny. But, we were chatting on the way round and did happen to pick up a few of our favourite things to eat that evening. He died the next day, and some wasn’t eaten. But, 6 years I later I still remember the trip, and smile as the memory is that the last things we bought together were things we both were looking forward to eating. Though, of course, it might just as easily have been just dishwasher tablets, eggs and drain cleaner! Though that would have made me smile for other for other reasons I’m sure 😂

Because she insists on being accompanied.

I’m going to suggest next year our gift to her is a ticket to see SIL in Australia . I just feel under a lot of pressure and maybe it’s because I’ve been unwell and she’s right the dc are a handful and being on my own potentially still feeling crap as well is playing a part. I just want dh at home Xmas eve this year

His DM is his family too!
It'll only be a couple of hours out of the day and they can have time together as they shop!
It's easier for MiL to shop with someone than alone
I shopped with my DS yesterday, partially because I'm disabled but he enjoys it too. He's 30 and prefers to shop in person too.. so it's not necessarily an " older persons thing"
Seriously lighten up and be kind
It's DHs choice, you don't " let him" to anything!!!

She sounds like an absolute nightmare. YANBU.

Does everyone on here hate their MIL? I think it’s a lovely thing for him to do. A few hours is nothing in the grand scheme and she isn’t going to be around forever.

I never feel sorry for the DHs but I do a bit for this one, two women squabbling over him like seagulls with a chip. I'm sure he feels unable to voice what he would actually prefer to do. I wouldn't begrudge him doing something nice for his mother on Christmas eve.

Honestly, of all the hills to die on this would not be the one I choose. Yes I can see why you find it irritating and selfish of her, but it is up to your DH to decide.

Is she really only 66, though? That is only a few years older than me and I have no qualms about getting stuff delivered. Maybe the truth of it is she wants an excuse to spend some time with her son on Xmas eve.

As I was regularly told, I want never gets,

Yes I did , I mean I’ve just said to him now that ultimately it’s up to him .

Some of them are even saying that OP is just bitter because she was in care as a child and so doesn't understand the true meaning of 'faaaamily' at Christmas.

But you get Xmas Day with him? And most of the days in the year? I'm not sure why it's so important to have Xmas Eve as well when he and his mum already have an annual thing they do then.

If that’s the case why is MIL able to get what she wants for the last 3 years

She is his family too…?

Wait till you’re in your older years & look forward to one of your DC taking you shopping. She’s probably not confident booking online shop or savvy to book it in advance. You sound like the type who wants everyone in their matching PJs opening Christmas Eve boxes together & not caring about your DH’s tradition with his mother.