Not to let dh take MIL food shopping on Xmas eve

[Bookitonlinenextyear]

Every year we prompt MIL about what a good idea it would be to book an online delivery. Every year she says ‘oh no - I like to pick my own fresh things the day before!’
Every year she then asks dh to take her. It takes AGES because she wants to look at everything and chat to everyone. It takes Dh away from me and the dc on Xmas eve and I find it irritating.

This year it’s been no different we told her please book an online delivery as we have plans this year we can’t take you shopping. She didn’t.
We offered to add anything she needed to our delivery due on 23rd. Not good enough, she as usual wants to pick her own things.

We have all come down with an awful cold/flu and she’s called dh to try to arrange to
go food shopping on Tuesday !!!! He is saying he feels he has to I’ve told him categorically no. That he can’t as if we aren’t all better I just want to rest and if we are all better I want to do something with the dc. She can get a taxi. AIBU to put my foot down ?

You're not wrong OP, people are just pulling you apart because your thread involves a MIL and the phrase "let him", that's all.

You don't get to "not let" your DH do anything. Unless you're generally controlling that is. It's up to him to deal with it.

You can tell your DH that you agree he shouldn’t do it but that you can’t listen to him complain about it unless he’s going to act on said complaints. That you’ll support him stopping but not support him complaining about it while carrying on

I think if you'd led with this then you would have got a lot more sympathetic responses! People were assuming she was a poor little old lady.

66 ffs! Lots of people are still working full time at that age. Even if she can't drive she can get a bus or taxi.

You absolutely need to nip it in the bud, if she's playing the feeble old mum who can't go to the shops on her own without her big strong son, or handle the noise of her DGC playing on Christmas Day now, what will she be like when she's actually old? You could have another 30 years of this!

Got to laugh at posters ignoring the information OP has given and making stuff up instead.

“Sounds like he really does want to go!”

She’s literally said he doesn’t.

I don't think you're being unreasonable..
And hells bells..she 66. ? Time to grow up mrs get your own sprouts
...

That’s an interesting idea (even though it’s obvious the OP will reject it instantly)

aw, does that feel better now? Bless you!

If anyone told me that I categorically wasn’t allowed to do something, I’d be absolutely furious. I’m generally not a particularly stubborn person but this is one of the few things which would hugely make me dig my heels in.

But he doesn't even want to go - his mum is guilting him into doing it!

And anyway, she can enjoy it just as much on the 23rd, I'm sure.

It is possible that he pretends he doesn't want to. It's also quite possible that he really doesn't want to. We can only advise by what we've been told.

@Bookitonlinenextyear I'm interested in why you've not engaged with the option for DH to take her on the 23rd. Is it because you don't want him to do it at all, or that he doesn't want to so he wouldn't want to suggest doing it on another day? Or a bit of both maybe? Is it that MIL would deem that unreasonable? It seems like it could be a good middle ground. But I understand that if there's a history of MIL being overly demanding, manipulative or controlling, you really just don't want him to capitulate at all. Or if there's animosity between the two of you.

Obviously he can't this year anyway if you're all really unwell. In that case he needs to be at home with you helping you to look after the children. But in years to come that could work.

If she kicks off about it then that's the perfect time to put an end to the arrangement as she's not willing to compromise.

Get dh to take the dc's with them as you're too I'll to watch them and give them loads of sugar beforehand. That'll put a stop to her asking next year 😂

AIBU?
Yes
No I'm not
Lol
Merry Christmas

Yep, they'll do anything to pile on an OP!

I don't understand what people don't understand. He is ill. He doesn't want to do it. At 66 she can use her bus pass, and get a taxi home.

Why is everyone making out like this is a beautiful Christmas tradition between the DH and his elderly mum who needs the support because she can't shop alone and doesn't understand internet shopping??

She's 66 for goodness' sake. It isn't lovely. She's manipulating her son who is unwell and feels like shit, into running errands with her instead of spending precious family time with his own children. It sounds like she'd probably be welcome at their house if it was actually about having company, but she's too Mrs Bennett to cope with spending time with her grandchildren and chooses to keep pets that make her home unsuitable to host her family.

I'd be fucked off with this OP and I'd be telling my DH I expect him to grow a spine and be there for his children.

I cannot believe what I just read.

Some don't like/are unfamiliar with online shopping.
Many food grocery shopping is part of their Christmas ritual...
It's a time of year where we pause, take the time to share in these little chores in the run up to the big day.

There are many reading this who would give anything to be able to take their nearest & dearest shopping, but have lost them.

Allow your MIL & DH some time & memories please OP.

It's literally a couple if hours out your day.

Excellent idea

Yikes. I'm no fan of my MIL but none of your posts say anything other than "I want I want I want". Your poor MIL.

He doesn't want to go.

Honestly chill out ffs. You have the rest of Xmas eve and all of Xmas day together (which is lovely), why not just do something nice with DC and then when he's back you can all relax together.

bud, if she's playing the feeble old mum who can't go to the shops on her own

is that what she’s playing up to? Or is she playing up to being a widow whose children have left home and possibly feeling like her family have deserted her? In that context, a few hours on Xmas eve doesn’t seem like a huge request.

Can't you just try to make your husband's mum happy at Christmas? Just one thing that she wants?

You dislike her, fair enough, but does your husband?

She won’t accept the 23 it HAS to be Xmas eve

OP - the only person who can reasonably object is your husband. If he hasn’t or won’t for whatever reason then you should be annoyed with him not her. FWIW it wouldn’t bother me at all if my husband wanted to take his mum food shopping on Christmas Eve.