DP not wanting to drive my DD to hospital to say goodbye to her dying dad

[Ifinkyourefreaky]

My ds 25 and dd 16 dad died yesterday, he's my exh. His diagnosis was 6 weeks ago and he went downhill rapidly. My DP of 7years had been doing lifts to and from hospital as he's the only one that drives out of us all.
My dd lives with me and ds lived with his dad.
My dp was already in a mood with me yesterday morning and then last minute through in that we needed to get my dd to the hospital ASAP before her DF died as she really wanted to say goodbye to him and he had only a couple of hours left if that.
My dp didn't want to take her said she shouldn't be there to see him die it will scar her for life, It resulted in her crying and shouting 'I need to see my dad to say goodbye' and he said to her he shouldn't have to be dictated to by a little girl.
He relented, complained on the way to hospital that he's just a taxi driver for everyone and he doesn't have to be doing this ect..... He dropped us at the hospital....30min drive and told us to find our own way home.

I'm I being unreasonable to think that if he was annoyed/angry he should have just kept his mouth shut and sucked it up for one more day, as he made the whole thing so much more traumatic for my daughter.

I kept saying to him, this is not the time for you to be venting at us now can you please stop.

I can't speak to him or see him right now, I'm so angry with him. He doesn't live with us BTW.

That's really disgusting.

I wouldn't want to see him ever again.
Just because he's an ex doesn't mean you can't still care for the father of your children and he should respect that. Not to mention your poor daughter!

I wouldn’t do it multiple times a day for 6 weeks, as it’s just not possible with work etc but I absolutely would drop everything to do it if they received the call that their dad was going to die any minute.

If this was a regular time, then I would be on DH’s side.
But he knew it was the final and most important time.

I'm so sorry you're going through this @Ifinkyourefreaky and even more sorry for your DC. This man is a twat and you deserve better. Throw him back in the sea. You don't need him, or his shitty attitude!

There's no way I would ever be able to forgive this and I doubt your DD will either. Surely this has to be the end of the relationship?

I couldn’t marry a man who had been so cruel to my daughter for no reason on the worst day of her life.

Then you go with her in the taxi

Yeah, bin him off.

It doesn’t matter how frustrated you are, that is a)
not the moment and b) in front of your DD is never the moment. His complaint is with you- not her.

He’s shown you who he is. Believe him.

This @Ifinkyourefreaky
Your posts sound like everything is going to settle down once you’ve passed your test and can drive him about to return the favour of giving lifts.

wait, what ??

Your partner has just behaved inexcusably badly. To your daughter. Who has extreme anxiety. On the day she lost her father. And would have stopped her saying goodbye to him, if he could. And he abandoned you 30 minutes away to make your own way home after witnessing the death of her dad. When he knows she has extreme anxiety getting into cars with strangers.

This is the man you want to make a life with? Really? Really?

I’m beginning to wonder if you have been subjected to emotional abuse yourself, because this man wouldn’t be acceptable to a woman who values herself and her daughter.

seriously, OP.
Think very hard now.

Relationships where one partner is so heavily reliant on the other for a basic thing like getting from A to B are very challenging IMO. He probably feels like an unpaid taxi rather than an adult equal. Hopefully you pass your test soon. Unless there is a medical reason to stop him, I would be encouraging your son to learn too. However that said, this was not the occasion for your partner to bring this up and he didn’t need to be such a dick at a time of trauma for your kids. Only you can decide if it’s something you can come back from.

What they said. ^ 👏

I think emotions were running high and he shouldn't have voiced is feelings.. but.. I sense he's pissed off at driving your kids around for you

I’d never see him again after this. I do appreciate that it may have been very stressful for DP and he may have felt taken for granted, but his inability to see the bigger picture or to show compassion for your DD is unforgivable.

However, there are taxis which in this case you could have just swallowed the cost of… and it’s well time one of you learned to drive (fully appreciate the time/cost issues/test availability issues - but its an essential life skill).

The very saintly live among us. ...apparently.

The daughter is 16, not 25.

You sound horrendous.

If you marry him, your daughter will hate you.

YANBU but you know that.

The question is - at which point in your life will he callously let you down again?

You and your children are worth more than this ‘man’. LTB

is your daughter getting help for her anxiety?

And good luck with your driving test.

You've been with your DP for 7 years..

Has he ever treated your DD well?

Does he have some trauma around death of a parent/loved one? Was he ever jealous of the relationship between your daughter and her dad at any point, up to his death?

I'm trying to think of a reason he'd transport you for 6 weeks, then choose this moment to be a fuckwit.

At least you don't live together, so didn't have to come home amd deal with him being there after that ☹️.

I don't think you should get married. You don't want to end up more dependent on him as it sounds like he wants someone independent

But she literally does need him. He will be expected to drive OP to the funeral unless she is travelling in the official family car.

Sorry I missed this.

You lack a lot of compassion and empathy. I feel sorry for you.

did she manage to say goodbye op?

Just what I was thinking.

You’re actually just going to sweep this under the carpet and carry on regardless?!

Wake up OP and put your daughter first. I’m betting this isn’t the only time he’s been a twat!

You lack common decency. WOW your just incredibly cruel to people who are already down.