DH eating DMIL's leftovers.

[Treesandsheepeverywhere]

DMIL is coming to stay over Christmas and I suddenly thought back to the last time she was here and the things DH does around her.

After a meal, if he's collecting plates, he'll scrap off last bits from DMIL and eat them.
We're talking last two peas & gravy, pie crumbs or three slices of coleslaw cabbage. He'll also use her fork to eat it.

It's not finishing a proper bit of food which I'd understand, more food in the kitchen if he was starving.

Another thing is he puts her wants first, serves her first when dishing up, ask her if she'd like abc a certain way even though he knows she'll ooh and ah for ages, yet if he'd brought it whichever way, she'd have still eaten it.
Will have a full on conversation whilst I wait for him to do something, when he eventually does it, he will say DMIL was talking and he didn't want to interrupt.

I said, if a postman was at the door, he would have stopped her to answer the door, so why not do the same for me, as it would have taken him 2 minutes before he could go back to chatting.
She was using our room and I'd asked him to collect some of my bits I'd forgotten to take out. Went in, shut the door and took 20 minutes or so before he came back.

I wouldn't lick my DM's or anyone's plate, except maybe DH's, so maybe it's a personal thing.

When I cook, I always serve him first, shouldn't he do the same?
Sounds petty as I type but just
makes me feel he still has the apron strings attached somewhat.

DMIL is controlling at the best of times and DH finds her a challenge. I want to therefore be supportive instead of letting above situations fester.

YABU - licking plates, putting her first etc is fine.
YANBU - Disgusting and should put me first.

Just serve him last and wait until every single other person has finished talking before you respond to anything he says.

This would give me the ick

i think it’s a firm ltb for me

The plate clearing thing is odd but the rest doesn’t sound too bad.

I would always serve guests first personally.

Petty of me

But don't put him first this Christmas either then.

Gross about the plates

Eating her leftovers sounds grim but tbf she is his mother, he also drank her breast milk..

serving her first is polite presuming she is the oldest female, many people do stick to the old manners. Waiting for her to finish speaking is polite too.

Sounds like you just really don’t like her. Of course serving guests first is the polite thing to do. And not interrupting conversations. The leftover thing, meh.

The plate thing would make me heave.

Taking food from someone else’s plate makes me feel nauseated. Although I’m aware that’s an overreaction.

But if I saw it happen I’d yak.

I don't serve anyone, I put stuff on the table so they can contemplate their naval in their own time and serve themselves.

But yeah he is being weird.

The plate is yuck but the rest is respectful towards a guest, and it's his mother! You sound petty and jealous.

Always serve guests first and why do you need to interrupt

Ewww.

Serving you first? No - that would be poor manners when you have a guest.. The rule is that you serve guests first, starting with the most senior lady. So he’s quite correct in that situation to serve his mum first. I grant you that the plates thing is a bit odd, but maybe it’s a childhood thing?

This, basically. You’re being a bit odd, like you’re trying to constantly one up his mum, regardless of manners (plate incidents excluded!!)

The food thing is gross.

The other stuff is about deference I think. You say she's controlling. She's the boss so she gets served first, gets the choice of what she wants and gets listened to the most. They're quite minor problems though if that's all there is. Definitely not ltb territory but gently pointing it out and encouraging him to stop putting her on a pedestal wouldn't be bad.

Other than the food/plate thing he just sounds respectful of the woman who raised him. Is she controlling or involved?

Is he actually licking plates? Because you went from scraping bits off, eating a few crumbs, using a fork to licking plates. Completely different things.

Always serve guests first, but the plate thing is gross.

The plate thing, just Yeuck

The rest - basic good manners. would always serve guests first and yes to letting someone finish speaking, rather than interrupting them.

If it's an emergency, you can always say "Sorry to interrupt, but.... "

In a nutshell.
You don’t like her very much do you?

It sounds like he has a really nice relationship with his mum (I love talking to my mum, too, and treat her like an important guest when she's here). You sound like a harridan.

It sounds like you are competing with her which is a bit weird. It is normal to serve guests first.

i Agree with this word for word.

And you should stop serving your husband first as if it’s ’a thing’. That in itself would give me the ick if I realised you do this.

Most of that just sounds like him being a polite host. I would never serve someone who lives here before a guest (aside from small children who need to be placated).

The plate thing is a bit weird but not a big deal.

You come across much much much worse than him tbh, he sounds quite sweet.

The plate thing is a bit gross, does he really lick the plate? As that's not on at all, whether it's his own or his mother's. He needs a crash course in basic mealtime etiquette.

The rest of it is completely normal and polite. You should be glad she's raised a man who's respectful of and kind to his mother, not complaining about it.

Does he really lick her plate. Jesus. And you’d maybe lick his. That’s disgusting, I don’t know anyone who licks plates.