DD has regifted something to me for my birthday which has been lying around the house for 3 years

[Thepeopleversuswork]

I’m really upset but not sure if I am overreacting or how to handle.

DD (13) has just presented me with two regifted presents: they are both things she made to be fair and they are lovely but they have been in our home for three years one of them was sitting on my desk for a few weeks. They are very familiar to me.

She had a budget from me for Christmas shopping (including my birthday) and I know she has spent a lot of care and love on buying presents for her aunt and her school friends.

I don’t have a problem with regifting in principle but I think giving someone a household object they see every day and presenting it as a birthday present is a real fuck you.

I am really quite upset but I am not sure if I am overreacting and need to find a way to handle it without being really grabby or consumerist and insisting on expensive stuff.

As a 13 year old I would assume she may have struggled with ideas / budgeting / importance. So I would take the opportunity to approach the subject in a nicer way and explain to her. Maybe show her how to budget and gift value depending on importance of the individual.

To be fair most mothers generally are forgotten about and we end up as an afterthought. Or that we don't mind. You are not the first and not the last to experince this.

Thanks all: I appreciate tye feedback even from @80smonster (for the record the pocket money is dependent on chores but not the Christmas money). I was more focused on the idea of making your primary career feel loved. But I hear all the comments.

I think we are OK now. We have both apologized and made up and we are going halves on cinema tickets.

I remember one year my teenager sister gave me a bra in her size and dome chocolates I don't like. Teens are, well teens.

NRFT

As its pre Christmas and you know already I'd be like "where's my xxxx? I had it on my desk, it's been living there for years, I love it."

I'd also maybe be petty and take her bedside lamp and wrap it up for her. But it is a bit unkind when I don't think she's meaning to disrespect you, she's just a bit thoughtless and ran out if money BT the sounds of it. It's easiest to fudge something with mum in these circumstances because you have her unconditional love and she knows all your imperfections. Friendships on the other hand are delicate.

Plastic shit from Clinton’s Cards - MY FAVOURITE!

Well done. You 100 per cent did the right thing

But OP hasn’t caused drama or had a strop.

What if daughter does the same thing next year as her mother appreciated it so much? It would be so much worse to have to explain it was all an act.

Get a life you’re just being horrible

There are some incredibly low expectations of 13 year olds on this thread 😬

If she can choose nice presents for her aunt and for her friends, she can do the same for her mum - the fact that she can afford to take OP the cinema means she clearly hasn't run out of money, either.

When I was that age, I was expected to save my pocket money for presents. Obviously nobody expected me to spend loads - but I was expected to budget and think ahead, as were all my friends. I have vivid memories of going into town with my best mate at 13 and we would do all our shopping together before treating ourselves to a McDonald's

This is a good way to handle it.
Getting angry won't solve anything, and it seems like a lack of thought or bad budgeting rather than deliberate malice.
Probably not worth asking for the money back though as its already gone!

You are horrible.

I think creating a MN thread over it is the definition of drama

There you go again with the personal abuse. If only you could see yourself.

Oh OP you're the one person she doesn't have to impress to get love from, so you are bottom of the pile when it comes to presents. It's just how it should be IMO so have a lovely time at the cinema.

There’s hundreds of threads created each and everyday. Are you saying they’re all creating dramas? Im not sure why you signed up to a forum if you think creating a thread = creating a drama

Who appointed you High Arbiter of Thread Content? 90% of MN threads fall into the drama category!

My phone autocorrects "to" to "yo" consistently and I am not the sort of person who uses the word yo. Picking on someone for carer/career typo is just unfathomable.

Sorry carer. It’s a fair cop, I am typing on my phone without glasses. It’s a fairly good rule of thumb in my book that when people pile into a thread to mither people about spelling and grammar they aren’t posting in good grace.

That said I have said I take your comments on board even though you have insulted me and I do take them on board and I thank you as it’s all food for thought.

But for future reference you might find that gratuitous insults tend to diminish the impact of your comments. Worth giving this a bit of thought.

I love this!

I’ve explained my opinion over and over and I think the OP is probably very similarly minded - it’s LITERALLY the thought that counts. Wrapping an item you’ve had in your house for 3y is not a gift to give someone! Spending £4 on a box of chocolates you know they like is thoughtful, it’s not about how much you spend it’s about taking 5 minutes to consider your parent (in this scenario) and put in some effort.

That's a terrible attitude to impart to children. Almost abusive.

It's not "how it should be" at all.

No wonder there are threads every year from people who are upset because they've received utterly shit gifts with no thought behind them.

A 13 year old is more than capable of managing a budget and choosing a nice, thoughtful present for her mum. I certainly managed it at that age, as did all my friends - when did we start having such low expectations?

Why aren't you going after her biological father for money?

I think this is verging on emotional abuse to expect a child of that age to understand what a parent is feeling. When you have a child you expect to spend money on them and parent them - they don't have to pay you back.

That said, I probably haven't instilled proper gift giving etiquette in my DS's and that's partly because they're autistic and partly because I buy so many treats for myself, I'd feel a bit guilty making them spend money on me.