Is this enough for Christmas??

[FootballGrump]

Every year, “Father Christmas” brings our children one gift. One gift only… it could be a scooter or a lego set or a Tonybox or similar, they are still young and their taste is not extravagant.
Both sets of grandparents also get one gift per child that goes under the tree, typically something smaller (a dolly, a toy car etc).
In total, each child will have 3 or max 4 gifts to open on Christmas day. One “main” gift plus 2-3 smaller ones from close relatives. Plus a stocking full of bits and bobs.

We think this is ample and our children are delighted with it. Most people these days seem to spoil their children way more so I guess my AIBU is regarding what to do now my eldest is aware enough to start comparing with friends.
Some friends have hinted they think we don’t give our children enough toys.
I disagree, I think they are very fortunate and I already feel they don’t have enough respect for their toys (breaking things, losing the small parts, not putting stuff away). I remember being really attached to my toys and treasuring them, I would like to see more of that in our household.

We were never allowed to open family gifts when given - they were under the tree.

It’s another small change you could make.

I think the build up, having over food, spending time with family, going to see the Christmas lights, Christmas crafts at school, school plays is what creates the memories.

The wishing for X - say latest toy - and hoping you get it is always more exciting than the extra presents.

When asked most people won’t remember what they got last year!!

The gifts aren’t the most important aspect whether that’s 2 or 20.

This is definitely a stealth brag post.
‘Look how unspoiled my children are, why do all these other people overload their kids with gifts when it’s clearly better to do it my way’.

You may as well have posted what I wrote considering it’s very obvious that’s what you think. Otherwise you wouldn’t have chosen the wording that other people ‘spoil’ their children a lot more, you could have said gift or give etc. You also seem sure of your choice so why bother posting.

I remember waking up to large piles as a kid, yes most things were small or practical gifts like calendars, socks, selection boxes, annuals etc, but I still remember loads of them and there’s no underestimating how exciting it is for a child to walk in and see a large pile of presents.
People who say it’s a new thing to buy more than a 1-3 gifts are lying too, my mum and dad were born in the 40s/50s and said they used to get small piles/stockings.

I would probably try to add a couple more gifts to the pile. But I think you have the right idea. You need to balance the Christmas magic with not just going over the top because everyone else does. I have felt compelled to go over the top as I see what everyone else does. My kids are getting some expensive stuff this year, so they won’t have much to open. I had a clean out in October and threw out hundred of dollars of crap my kids got for birthdays and Christmas’ that was played with once because I wanted them to have stuff to open.

Christmas aside...

Do you feel your children have everything they need development wise? I don't think there is anything wrong with minimalism as long as developmental needs are met.

For example, my young tens are getting a kitchen knife each this year... because they often need one at the same time, and many of ours are too heavy for them. We could have just popped them in the kitchen drawer... but they are presents as wrapping a few extra needed things is normal in our house. But neither approach is wrong really.

Why do people like you not understand that there is a middle ground?
Theres a huge gulf between buying a single gift, and kids waking up to half the lounge full of bits of tat carefully wrapped to look impressive....

Neither of those extremes is a good thing.

Most people I wouldimagine will be somewhere between, buying their children perhaps 5-8 quality gifts - a main present, then perhaps a game, a book, some pyjamas, some art/craft supplies, perhaps a smaller lego set or other toy? What exactly is wrong with that? Could you explain why thats terrible?

My children don't expect more and more every year and im not sure why some people imagine childrem bought lovely gifts then demand even more every year 🙄 maybe those kids are just..... Content and happy!

I admittedly go overboard with the quantity of presents my children receive at Christmas however they are the only presents they get. Apart from one Auntie they receive no other gifts from family so what they open from us on Christmas morning is it.
In OPs situation for me it would depend on whether family/friends where arriving later with gifts so the quantity increased throughout the day. If the one main gift and a few stocking fillers is everything they are going to receive and you can easily afford more then it does sound a bit....underwhelming tbh.
If the older child is getting to an age that they compare gifts with friends they are definitely going to wonder why Santa got Bob a Nintendo Switch and five other toys, some new pj's and a stocking full of bubble baths, underwear, colouring stuff etc and they (in comparison) have received very little.

There can be a happier medium. One gift is desperate, given you can afford to treat them to a bit more at Christmas!

I've bought my daughter a bunch of stuff, and I genuinely couldn't care less what anyone else thinks to that. She's an amazing girl, and she deserves to be made a fuss of at Christmas. I can't wait to see her surprised and happy wee face on Christmas morning.

Your situation is totally different to what op described and much more normal?
You don't buy one gift, you buy 4-5, then family and friends contribute doublethat number. So your child is probably getting a heap of 10-12 gifts at least.
Op describes a single gift, plus a further 2 from grandparents only. 3 gifts does not even compare to 10-12?!

F

People all have their own way of doing things so you're not " wrong" but I don't think it's what most people do.

Last night I got all my child’s presents together to wrap. I didn’t think I’d bought much so picked up a few stocking fillers in the day.
Then I realised I’d actually got him several things and on to of that, there are gift bags hiding in a cupboard from other people. I felt a bit disgusted with myself for bombarding a young child with so much that I’ve set some of it aside to donate to a charity.
There’s no way he could enjoy and appreciate all this stuff. And that’s not the child I want to create. I think it depends on each person and we can all do what we want, for our own reasons but I’m inclined to agree with you.

Hm. When I was small, half a century ago, I always used to go and see my friends on Christmas morning. She invariably had a mountain of gifts, and better and more expensive ones than I did. I was aware of this from the age of about three. Don’t let anyone tell you kids don’t notice or care. I’m not into pointless consumerism but I think what you describe sounds very scanty.

This is definitely a brag post about how superior OP is with their single gift, not like those chavs with their piles of tat.

Most people are somewhere in the middle. My kids usually get one main thing, 4 or 5 smaller things and a stocking. No pointless tat.

WTAF is up with this thread!

These comments: “ miserable”, “tight”, “joyless”, “sad”, “pathetic”, “I feel sorry for them”.

Yes it’s obviously on the low side, but get a freaking grip people, can you not express that without nasty sneering language? It says a lot more about you than it does the OPs present buying.

@FootballGrump my kid has 3 presents from us (parents) this year - a huge set of brio which is second hand (gasp) which he won’t even get on Christmas Day because it’s too much to take to his grandparents, a yoto player with accessories and cards, and a book. Plus his stocking from Santa which is a normal size stocking, not a sack. He’ll also get a gift from his grandparents on both sides, and his aunties and uncles. I would have got him more presents probably but the yoto player was expensive and his dad is definitely on the less is more side of things! And I’ll confess I am now thinking where on earth where going to put the Christmas haul from everyone!

Mine have got 6 each, 2 joint and a stocking from us/Santa. Some of it they've asked for, some of it is stuff they will like and some things are essentials but also stuff they want like a new onesie or some fluffy socks.

They will get another few from grandparents but that's it.

We also do days out close to Christmas so it's a balance. I think I would rather do days out and less presents.

Maybe you could add a couple more, I always think mine never have enough but I don't want to buy for the sake of buying.

It's definitely harder when you have more kids, if we just had one the present pile could be double if we wanted because the money would be spent on one child not two.

We didn’t get much through the year but my mum made sure we have plenty of things to open (even if they weren’t very expensive but instead thoughtful) at Christmas.

My children go to the toy shop all the time to pick toys out so they don’t get as much at Christmas but more probably than what you’ve listed here.

Depends on the size of your extended family somewhat. My DS has three sets of aunts and uncles (we had five growing up) so that's three from them, two sets of grandparents, couple of godparents and then one from us (I know bah humbug) and a stocking with about ten small things in. That feels like more than enough for a three year old. When he is older I might reassess. We had about the same growing up I think!

Some of the responses on here are mad. Your child doesn't have a more magical Christmas because of a larger present pile. There are lots of things that make a Christmas magical!

You do what you want to do with your family. If you are happy with this, then that should be fine.
I remember my parents used to give us £100 each and let us loose in the toy store before Christmas. I usually got myself a massive Lego set back then and it got put away until Christmas.

Nowadays, we have a bit of a mixture and way too many presents. DS is a Christmas baby as well, which adds to the present pile. His dad and I split up recently and it's the first Christmas we aren't together as a family.
I don't know what his dad got him, apart from one game he checked about with me, but I don't really care. He's getting his "normal" amount of presents from me since I've always been the one to sort the presents out.
My parents have stuck to the toy shop routine with him and he's picked three little Lego sets (despite me suggesting the bigger one...way cooler and the same price, but what do I know...)
DD is only 5 months and is getting amazing stuff she needs anyway...such as a little rucksack and a bottle to take to nursery. She'll be more excited about the wrapping paper.

Perfect.

The part I don't understand is the counting of the number of presents they receive.

It's oddly controlling to me. Some years children ask for big things that do not require other bits so a bike for example. Others years they ask for things that need other p arts to increase its fun so maybe a Barbie house, that might need additional furniture or another doll or a car to go with it.

I would go with the flow and buy what suits their main present. I then buy practical things for their other presents. We have 5 daughters this year along with the thignx they have asked for they all have fun bed socks, pjs family games, always add in a special Christmas themed book each to read together on Christmas Day, Cirque du solet tickets, etc. Things they would get anyway or we would do outsize of Christmas but we add it all in so they have fun opening presents.

I wouldn't say dd gets loads more in total. She gets 1 main or 2-3 smaller mains depending on the year from us under the tree. She also gets a stocking, but I'd say our stocking are not tiny bits and bobs. This year it will have things like a Polly Pocket set, a cuddly cat teddy, a locking diary, a fleece blanket, a couple of books, a mini craft set, bath bombs etc. She'll then get gifts from grandparents and a couple of other family members when we see them. Seems enough, but it really depends what you want to do.

I'm not sure it's something that is easy to "compare".
Every family is different. They have different financial situations, different numbers of relatives etc.
In my family, we don't have much extended family at all. My children have us and one set of grandparents, one uncle, aunt and cousin. That is all. So we buy each child maybe 8-10 things, but they don't have much from anyone else. These smaller things vary in cost between £5-£30 at an estimate.
My niece on the other hand has a HUGE family on her mums side, lots of aunts, uncles, cousins, step -relatives etc. So she gets huge amounts from them, so my brother and his wife only get her a couple of things as they know she gets plenty from elsewhere.
Santa usually brings their main present and a couple of smaller things in our house. So for example a tonie box is the main, then a couple of tonies and a cuddly toy is the smaller ones.
So whilst I don't think there is a set number of gifts to buy, I do think Xmas is about that feeling of awe and wonder so as long as you achieve that in whatever way works for you, it's OK. My children are really lovely kids who work hard, are kind, are grateful. So I love the chance to really spoil them once a year and see their faces 🥰.

Dc exploring and breaking toys or pulling them apart is fine it's what toys are for.

If your so precious and heavy over how your dc play with a plastic toy why not just get toys for free trim freecyle or charity shops?

If you attach money value to toys then maybe just pay little for them the dc won't notice.

"Lying"?? Or how about maybe just a different set up to other people, as demonstrated by the varying amounts in this thread. My mum was one of 7 children and they had one (very small) gift each growing up in the 50s.

I’m sure there is a happier medium you can work with as they get older…? As in, you can give a few more gifts which will add to the excitement of the day without overwhelming them with a massive pile of presents that they spend all day opening?

In any case, children need things during the year, like clothing or new art supplies / craft sets when they get used up. They grow out of toys and into others as they age. They get bored of some, like doing the same jigsaw puzzle again and again, and some just aren’t a hit. Each year we have a clear out and these types of things get sold or donated, then freshened up with a few new things at Christmas time or on their birthday.

You can give them a few more thoughtful and long-lasting bits (books, jigsaws, wooden toys, a stuffy, a game, art/craft stuff, etc etc) without it being a mountain of plastic tat from toys r us.

This year mine have one larger gift, and four other gifts ranging from £10-20. As an example, my daughter who is 7 is getting a fluffy spinning chair for her desk as her main present (she had asked for this), a family game we can all play together, a little cardboard suitcase filled with sewing supplies as she has been learning sewing at school and enjoyed it, a stuffed animal with babies that unzip from its tummy, and an art set with “how to draw kawaii cats” book. I know all of these things will be used and loved throughout the next year and I don’t think she is spoiled.