Husband walked out when I confessed

[LuckyAquaCat]

Since I was a child I have had a psychological condition, I pull my hair out. It’s called trichotillomania. I had never told anyone I did it and hid it, I was very ashamed of it and thought I was the only person who did this (I’ve since found out it’s quite common).
Anyway when I met my husband I finally told him about this, after we’d been together a year or so. It was a big deal for me as I’d never told anyone. He was surprised but ok when I told him, but the next morning I woke up and he was sleeping in the spare room. He said he couldn’t handle me being ‘mentally ill’,no one in his family is mentally ill and if I didn’t stop it he wouldn’t carry on with our planned marriage. He has kept looking at my hair constantly and making me feel even worse about how I look. I found out I’m pregnant just after this happened, as planned, I’m so devastated as I feel I’m now having to be with him even though he’s being really unpleasant to me over something I don’t have control over.

My hair pulling trichotillomania(since an unhappy childhood) increases when I am stressed and anxious .
Talking therapy has helped enormously , it is greatly reduced .
It has driven people around me mad including my husband , but he loves me , he notices when it increases and when it is reduced but doesn't criticise .

Being with this man is only going to make your shame and hair pulling worse .

Mine is much reduced now that I have had therapy and read a lot of books to help my anxiety .

Good luck he has to accept you as you are or not at all.

Kick him out.

There is something seriously wrong with him.

Why oh why did you go ahead with the wedding when he was already using this as a stick to beat you with?

Talk to your family. Tell them all what a horrible time he's giving you and ask for their support.

I do it too, but there are times when it’s worse, and that’s when I’m stressed. At those times, I’ve ended up with large bald patches.

Apparently, it’s a form of OCD.

One of the things that’s helped me is having dogs. I mess with their fur instead, but I don’t get the compulsion to pull it out.

The had had trich since I was 13 and do not consider it a mental health problem. It's annoying, like compulsive nail biting, but I'm completely sane and normal. Good childhood, happy go lucky personality.
In my case it's likely genetic.

My DH will gently remind me if he sees me playing with my hair but that's the most he's ever done.

Your husband sounds awful. I couldn't stay with someone like that.

Please set some significant boundaries with this man. He lacks, empathy and compassion. Narcissism is an unpleasant personality trait that he appears to be exhibiting. Setting boundaries in this instance will protect your self esteem.

None of this makes any sense. For starters, your title says he walked out when you confessed, yet he didn't and hasn't.

Please don't be ashamed. I also have trich, but I pull my eyelashes. Have done since being 3 years old....I have never been able to stop, I might have a month or two were they grow, but then am straight back picking. It is so very noticeable, I have low self esteem and carnt look people in the eye as am embarrassed and scared incase they point it out.
However, my dp knew about this quiet early on, but never mentioned it or reacted to it how you have described. We ended up getting married and he just said he never noticed and that it didn't bother him.
Unfortunately op his reaction says alot more about him, then it does you.
All I can say is that if my partner reacted in this way, it would of been a deal breaker for me x

Something to think about. If you have a child that he considers not to be normal, what will he do? or if you or child becomes disabled? Seems to be his ego and perceived self-image problem, ie He is the problem and it wont get better. You are not lumbered with him but by law he will be financially responsible for any children he is a part of. Your particular problem is that pulling your hair out is a stress reliever. Doesn't last of course but for that micro second it does relive stress. Work on if from there, but not for his benefit.

Don’t be ashamed.
Don’t allow anyone to make you feel ashamed.
My friend quite casually told me she pulled her hair out and giggled about it.
Are you harming others? No.
You aren’t even harming yourself.
It’s a tick.
Stress makes it worse.
He’s piling on the stress.
You need to get rid of the harmful husband before you get rid of the tick.
Never let someone tell you you’re less than.
Because you’re love and light and all right. ❤️

Gosh I remember an old uni pal from the 1980s had this. She was ashamed to say it and we could all see her plucking at her hair when she was either excited or anxious. It was just part of her. We didn’t make her feel bad about it all. She had a handle on it.

this man is no doubt making your condition worse. You are in a difficult situation but he really needs to grow up and either help you or get out.

thats horrible op. I have trich too so know exact how you feel.
I have always found it incredibly difficult to actually say the words out loud as to what I do. Thankfully my husband was very understanding.

You don't want to be with such an awful man. The trich doesn't define who you are nor is it a mental illness. I would send him some NHS links or something so he can understand it better but I wouldn't want to try and save your relationship because he is such an arsehole for doing that!

He's a nasty and abusive wanker. Have you discussed it with your MW? Changes in hormones can actually make it worse. The MW team usually has a perinatal team that will support you.

I think you need to leave him. I'm sure he'll try to use your MH and custody of your child as a way to manipulate you into staying but he's not a nice person. Unfortunately, these toxic and abusive behaviours tend to get worse in pregnancy.

1 in 4 people will experience a mental health problem of some kind each year in England. Obviously, none of the 1/4 of the population would dicuss it with your H because he's a judgemental, insensitive, wanker

He’s a weak, judgemental man who doesn’t have the strength of character to even try to understand and support you, only panic and threaten you with trying to shame you into appearing ‘normal’. End it. If you ever need him to be strong when you are down or ill, he’ll be pathetic. Your compulsion is nothing for you to feel this ashamed about.

Lucky you found out now… he’s not for you. Walk away. He’s a moron. Uneducated. Ill informed. And is not displaying the behaviour of a person who really loves you.

I am frequently astonished that women who are pregnant by horrible men like this, don't get an abortion.
This isn't the USA where it's near impossible in some areas. Why would you want to be trapped in a marriage with baby with someone like this?

What thread are you reading, cause it ain't this one.

This man has shown you who he truly is, and it’s not someone who will step up to support his family during their difficult times. You have nothing to be ashamed of. He is just ignorant and down right abusive.

My husband has Schizophrenia. He's also the sweetest, kindest, most generous person I've ever met. He's often given away the jumper or coat he's wearing to homeless people.

A mental health issues isn't about character flaw. It can make life harder, but it doesn't mean someone can't be the best person in your life, if you love them.

Sorry if this has been answered already. How does this work? Does it help stop the urge to pull, or help with hair growth? I have trich too. Thanks 🙂

NAC increases the amount of your body’s own potent detoxifier, glutathione.

In simple terms, glutathione is believed to reduce brain inflammation, and a healthier brain is less likely to have picking and pulling compulsions.

So powerful is NAC at inducing detoxification that it’s used to save people who have overdosed on paracetamol.

That's really useful to know, thanks!

I used to cut myself, my husband threatened to tell social services and have my children taken away, although I never self harmed in front of the children. He did it to control me. Trust me, people in his family are mentally unwell, they just daren't say. This fellow sounds very unempathetic. Is this the kind of person you want to spend the rest of your life with?

Let him tell "all your relatives". I'm sure they will be hugely supportive of you and treat him with condemnation. If they support him, then you know where you stand.

Does he realise that stress makes it worse? I'd point out that his attitude makes you more likely to do it, not less.

Decidedly don't let him make you feel you are weird/bad/mad. He's all of those things for making you feel this way.

This is a good point about the hair loss, is he going to see your pregnancy hair loss / post partum hair loss as you pulling it out and he will point it out / use it against you op? My hair is an absolute mess 8 months pp, thin, baldy and snapped it also won't help you feeling good about yourself if he mentions it all the time as I feel down about it without it even being mentioned as I've never been a clothes or make up person but I've always liked having nice hair / getting my hair done x

Well he doesn't sound supportive at all! Correct me if I'm wrong but you both seem very young... He's got some growing up to do and you should be focusing on yourself before you start marrying and having kids. Also I don't have the whole backstory but if what you've said is true then I don't think you two should stay together, if it's this turbulent after just one year, imagine how bad it could be when you're pushing 40 as most people's life problems peak around then...