Husband walked out when I confessed

[LuckyAquaCat]

Since I was a child I have had a psychological condition, I pull my hair out. It’s called trichotillomania. I had never told anyone I did it and hid it, I was very ashamed of it and thought I was the only person who did this (I’ve since found out it’s quite common).
Anyway when I met my husband I finally told him about this, after we’d been together a year or so. It was a big deal for me as I’d never told anyone. He was surprised but ok when I told him, but the next morning I woke up and he was sleeping in the spare room. He said he couldn’t handle me being ‘mentally ill’,no one in his family is mentally ill and if I didn’t stop it he wouldn’t carry on with our planned marriage. He has kept looking at my hair constantly and making me feel even worse about how I look. I found out I’m pregnant just after this happened, as planned, I’m so devastated as I feel I’m now having to be with him even though he’s being really unpleasant to me over something I don’t have control over.

I'm a terrible skin picker, if there is a zit or anything on my face I must pick it. My husband occasionally good naturedly tells me to stop but that's the extent of it. Your DH is not partner material, you will face much bigger challenges than this in a lifetime together and he's showed you he's not up to the challenge.

Omg! This guy is an abusive weirdo. Threatening to tell people about it? What an absolute joke of a person. Do not stay with him. He will not change and will only get worse. Seek help if you need it.

Woman pulls hair out, man says stop doing that, the man is a weirdo - standard!

Dump an run. 'Its not an end of the world problem' he needs to grow up youre better off without him. Give in to this and its likley be the beginning of a vary slipery slope.

You do not have to be with him and hair loss in pregnancy is also common so unless you want months of hell end it. Plus if he can't stand by you he don't deserve you and it's better to find out now. Just make sure he pays child support.

He is being cruel and insensitive. I don't know much about the condition, however, he should be more understanding and insensitive about it. After all you do not have control over this. Congratulations on the new baby and I'm sorry that he's acting this way. You should not be dealing with the stress of his ignorance and immaturity while carrying his unborn child. If he doesn't want to marry you because you have a slight mental condition, let him walk. The baby will not keep the two of you together if this is something that he frowns upon. You should not even let him get a chance to decide if he's going to walk away, you make the decision, because his feelings towards what you struggle with will never change. Focus on yourself for now and the baby and if he continues to treat you this way, then try to make your exit. It will not get any better. He has already began judging you because of your condition while not even being concerned with how or why you have it, as well as take the time out to educate himself about what the condition is and how it makes you behave and what may be any solutions or treatment options. That's what a loving partner would've done. But my dear, he is being selfish and only thinking of himself.
Hope everything works out for you! Best wishes and Happy holidays!!

God it's so sad for you that he should react like this towards you. You must feel really let down.
Some people are just plain intolerant. It's just a shame you didn't find this out about him earlier in your relationship.

Can I just add my congrats on your baby news. You may have to go on without him but that is entirely up to you. If you really love him you may be able to turn a blind eye.

Whether you stay with the father of your child however vile he is, please check this out https://www.facebook.com/groups/search/groups_home/?q=%20trichotillomani and you will realize that this is a worldwide serious issue. You are definitely not alone. Many people can't deal with any kind of mental illness but only a swine uses it as a way to blackmail a partner.

FYU Therapy can help people overcome trichotillomania. The most widely used type of therapy is called habit-reversal training (HRT). It's a type of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). In this therapy, people meet with a therapist to learn skills to help them reverse the hair pulling habit and it is very sucessful.

He sounds absolutely vile. You should be planning your exit strategy as you really don't need such a horrible, undermining person in your life.

But he is weird for not being supportive when he’s supposed to love her, over what happens to be a common issue. It’s not like OP woke up one day and chose to start pulling her hair, or that she can stop any time she wants.

Hi @LuckyAquaCat I have trich too. I have also been dumped before for having it. It sounds as if your DH needs educating, would he read up about it if you sent him some links? Have you thought about seeking any therapy for it too? I have had CBT in the past. It has helped me to control the pulling when it has been excessive but I will always have it. I just learn to manage it. I enjoy it, it soothes me. Tiredness is one of my triggers, sometimes working out your own triggers can help but your DH should be supportive and understand that you can't just stop.
https://www.wsps.info/articles/advice-for-significant-others-dealing-with-a-ttm-sufferer

This is very common and probably the gentlest form of self harm, if there is such a scale. Have you tried NLP? Apparently this is very effective. And BTW your husband sounds childish and very repressed ( I bet him and his family have some right skeletons in the closet!). He also sounds like a controlling t**t. Get shot of it, kick him out and see his mental health crash, sounds like he needs help!

He’s the one with the problem…Run x

Try not to let him see it's totally bothering you and say go right ahead and tell them. Smile and say you look forward to sharing his habits right after.

He'll do a thing where he'll scrunch his face and say i dont have any. Then reel of which ones would be most embarrassing. You slurp like a toddler, your mouth is like a washing machine when you eat. Your wind at night moves the duvet. You pick your toe nails. You scratch your balls so much I'm not surprised their so small etc..laugh your head off and say.. yes let's do this ...

Then pause and say..right ..back to grown up world now..
Are you going to stop acting like a prick now and show some respect.

Hi OP, I have suffered with this condition since my teens. I think this started following a stressful and traumatic period and I am still pulling in my 40s. I have gone through periods where it can be minimal, but now with work and have two young children, life can be pretty tiring and stressful, leading to more hair pulling. I would say if your DH is being like this and pinning you with “mental health issues”, then I can’t imagine how he will support you during the early days of having a baby where women are known to suffer from PND.

Relationships can be really testing after having children, and you need a supportive partner that is on your team. I would think really hard about this now, as it’ll only get more complicated to end a marriage with a child in the mix.

That is a horrible reaction - I am so sorry, OP. It may have been shock to him and a knee jerk reaction, but it seems like you both need to have an honest conversation about things going forward. No one can foresee what will happen in the future with regards to health and he seems to be saying that 'in sickness and in health' does not apply.

This is not just about this issue. This is about his entire attitude.
Don't spend years of misery subjecting yourself and your child to this. I realise in your position it's very hard to LTB and tempting to hang on in there and hope things improve.
They won't. Don't waste years on him.make a new start now

As long as he is holding the secret, he has power over you. Tell everyone about your hair. You have nothing to be ashamed off. He is the one with the problem here, not you.

Take your baby and walk out that door…..the guy is a prick and honestly he sounds like the one who has issues! Get rid asap before your child grows up thinking that behaviour is normal

Sounds like he's not the right guy, even if you are pregnant- if he's this bad now it will only get worse. You need to tell him, be really honest, and leave if you have to.
Don't waste your time feeling ashamed, it's part of you- if he can't accept that and be sympathetic the you need to dump him. I would never have married him if he reacted like that- a man that closed minded is not worth your time.

You have nothing to be ashamed of. It's a 'bad habit' that people have to calm themselves when stressed or if they have sensory or emotional overload. Lots of people habitually bite their nails which is a very similar behaviour. Your husband is ill-informed. Trying to shame you into changing this behaviour will never work.

You could have a go at trying other things with your hands, to replace the habit if you wanted to. I like soft toys with beans/pellets inside (they have these to make them weighted) and I will pace the room and press on this with my fingers repetitively to achieve the same kind of comfort. Look into 'stimming' ideas for other alternatives. I'm not saying you are autistic (although of course you could be) but this repetitive/self-stimulating behaviour might simply be something you need to do each day to feel calm and happy. There's no shame in it.

You’d be shocked how many men leave women when they learn they have cancer. Got better or worse means nothing to many unfortunately. Take the opportunity to find someone who truly loves you just as you are, warts and all.

Why on earth are you ashamed? My darling, you have nothing to be ashamed of. It's a condition not a conscious choice. Honestly your husband should be ashamed of his behavior. Let him tell your relatives, be armed with all the literature on the condition. Educate them and show him up for the ignorant, insensitive AH he is being. Honestly, would you tolerate him making your child feel this way when they are older? I'd suggest couples counseling. His response is not normal. You should feel able to be open with your partner about something like this.