To tell them they can’t drink in their own home?

[Toddlertantrums222]

Hi, I am a single mum to a toddler and have been invited by my family (parents and siblings) to spend Christmas with them and stay for the week.

I sent out a text a few days ago to basically say that I’d really appreciate it if people withhold from consuming alcohol around my son, excluding Christmas Day. I explained that most nights he goes to bed by 6/7pm so obviously still plenty time to drink in the evening. Reason being is that I just don’t like the atmosphere of people being drunk, especially when it brings out an aggressive/argumentative side which I have seen in certain family members. I wouldn’t take him to a pub everyday for the same reason. It’s also a safeguarding concern as a few months ago one family member was watching my son and he had a fall, resulting in a lump on his head and bruise lasting a week. I didn’t know they had been drinking, apparently it was only a couple, but I really felt like the alcohol was partly to blame. Maybe I’m being paranoid and it had nothing to do with it, but that’s how I feel.

2 out of the 3 adult family members have responded with yes that’s totally fine but the others have not. Not a peep.

I don’t know if I am being unreasonable or not. Personally I don’t really care for alcohol, could go months without touching it, so doesn’t bother me. But appreciate others do enjoy drinking a lot more than me.

Maybe subconsiously OP is trying to point out that some family members are out of order when they drink. The fact that some guests have already agreed perhaps shows that they agree theres a problem ?

I’d think yabu but equally if I was your relative I would accommodate your yabu so I could see you and your little one.
These early-mum things can become family memories of legend….Remember the year toddlertantrums222 banned alcohol at Christmas...
It does sound like you have one family member who has issues with alcohol so I can see why you are concerned, and why your other family members would therefore understand where your request comes from. Even if it is still a bit mad pfb.

Absolutely this.
Drink + Christmas is often a nightmare but it's really an unfair ask

I rarely if ever drink but if I received a message like that, I'd be saddling up and heading down the offie to find out What's New in Booze in 2024.

As just about everyone has said, if you are uncomfortable with the way your relatives behave in drink - don't go. But it is beyond unrealistic and totally unreasonable to expect everyone to forego drink at Christmas until your son goes to bed.

Generally yabu but also yabu to want to spend time with people who hurt your child while drunk.

Well the OP shouldn't go, she can't dictate what people do in their own home..

I’m going to go against the tide tsunami and say that I think you’ve done the right thing in taking a stand on this. It IS unreasonable but if your family’s feelings for your toddler are an opportunity for a bit of a reset, that’s a good thing for all concerned. When my dc were little, it was an opportunity to push back on some unhealthy family dynamics.

Think through your plan B though. It’s always easier to say than do, and when addictions are involved, and the pressures that come with family gatherings, best intentions may not hold.

I'm not a big drinker either and wouldn't care if I never had a drink again, so I do see where you're coming from but even still it's unreasonable to ask this of your family

Of course it's not unreasonable to ask a favour from your loved ones. It's not like you're forcing them. You can ask people to do anything you want. The unreasonable part only comes in if you react aggressively when they say no.

I don't drink alcohol, but I would if someone told me not to in my own home.

She says she asked. That's not dictating.

If they are that badly behaved around alcohol that you’re worried about your child, I just wouldn’t go! Otherwise, you need to suck it up because you’re a guest in their home and have absolutely no authority telling them not to drink. Or even asking.

Not if it was from my single Mum daughter I wouldnt. I’d be asking why and if I agreed that certain family members got agressive and spoilt the atmosphere when drunk then Î’d understand and accomodate. She’s not going to friend’s she’s going home to her parent’s

Jesus... just dont do this

I would like to ask the people who are saying this is unreasonable why is it unreasonable to ask your family to do you a favour. As long as she doesn't get nasty if they say no, where is the harm in asking?
I guess you think nobody should ever ask anybody for a favour, then?

One of the family members I was most worried about gave the absolutely response so was a bit surprised but also relieved.

I wouldn't bank on this, come Christmas night he/she might fancy a tipple

I don’t drink alcohol but you are coming across as hard work.

Exactly what happens when this family member has a “bad mood?” If they are shouting abuse and smashing things up, YANBU, but it doesn’t really sound like that…

You can't expect that of people no. I mean you could ask, I'd certainly say no.

don't take your son, it's not worth it for you or him clearly from your p.o.v.

And as the parent of a 10yo that has so far split his head open 5 times outwith my care, don't be blaming that on others. Some kids are frankly just injury prone/clumsy fannies 😀

If you feel concerned, stay at home. Go get some food this weekend and enjoy Christmas with your child

Yabvvvu your son is your responsibility and nobody else's if the environment becomes unsafe you remove him from it

Its not a favour it's controlling

This is really unacceptable and they’ve no option but to agree and keep the peace.

id apologise. You can’t do this. And you know it.

Arguing with anyone and everyone; it’s obviously worse when the 2 problematic people are arguing with each other.

Being very negative, name calling, over dramatic. And also just generally strange behaviour like walking in to a room full of people talking and turning the light off and walking off again.

I wouldn’t say I’m hard work I’m quite an easy going person, I’m not asking them not to drink around me because I’m used to it but I don’t want my son exposed to it.

It's an odd favour, though, isn't it? We live in a society where Christmas means alcohol - Bucks Fizzz in the morning, sherry here and there, wine with lunch ... cocktails ... If you, as a family don't do that (and I didn't when kids were little - I couldn't afford it) that's fine. But for other people, it's part of Christmas.

OP doesn't want alcohol as part of her Christmas Day, and that's fine. If she's hosting Christmas, she can make the days alcohol free and people can choose to accept it or not. But if someone else is hosting, they do it their way - if OP wants to be there, their rules. Personally, I don't drink during the day, so it wouldn't bother me, but I wouldn't like being asked that not just me, but I and my guests should avoid alcohol in daylight hours because of a toddler.

OP needs to make her choices and live with them - not make her choices and expect everyone else to do as she wants.

Am just gobsmacked that the atmosphere at a family Christmas might get so leary and aggressive that that is necessary.😲 I wouldn't take my child anywhere near people whose idea of a good Christmas is getting pissed in the afternoon (a few drinks ye but aggressive drunk?).