Page 8 | Christmas lunch - guests, contributions and leftovers

HardonCollider · 2024-12-21T17:29:32+00:00

I can’t decide who IBU here so please help. There’s a small number of us for Christmas lunch, we’re hosting. SIL (single, no children) has bought the turkey crown under duress. For completeness, we host every year for her and PIL (for the last 10 or so years) and haven’t previously asked for anything. Nothing has ever been offered either, no drinks brought round as a thank you. Now SIL is saying she will take all of the turkey leftovers! I can’t decide if that’s fine as she’s paid for it or if she’s being a CF as she’s getting the whole Christmas dinner prepared (she won’t lift a finger while she’s here, never does). So who IBU - me for expecting the leftovers to be left, or her for taking them all?!

BarbaraHoward · 21/12/2024 20:05

BeaTwix · 21/12/2024 19:23

When I go to my siblings I buy a case of wine and get up early on Christmas Eve to go and queue at the posh cheese shop for an amazing pile of cheese.

Not sure SIL actually appreciates the latter as she complains it makes the fridge smell.

Please tell me this is a joke and you don't actually put a load of stinky cheese in the fridge belonging to someone who doesn't like stinky cheese?

BarbaraHoward · 21/12/2024 20:06

ChristmasfoodisOverrated · 21/12/2024 20:02

We aren't in the 1950s. 🙄 Just bring a bottle ffs... SIL sounds mean, it is rude, and she clearly isn't sending your OTT thank you gifts either is she?

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Sure, bring a bottle, lovely.

Don't insist that the guest should bring the main joint of meat for the meal, that's really rude.

Parisienne123 · 21/12/2024 20:08

Are you sure she wasn’t joking? Anyway I’d just let her wrap it up and take it . I couldn’t be bothered getting annoyed about some turkey.

Autumnalmists · 21/12/2024 20:17

So she will need to bring a container to take her Turkey home. But as she will not provide the stuffing, pigs in blankets, potatoes, vegetables … she does not exactly have an easy meal for the next day!!

StormingNorman · 21/12/2024 20:17

ChristmasfoodisOverrated · 21/12/2024 19:56

Let me guess, you're either the SIL, or you possess similar scrooge-like tendencies when visiting? When you go to somebodys house etiquette is to bring something. It sounds like SIL hasn't brought so much as a bottle of wine every year, so has had to be hinted at to contribute, after a decade of coming empty handed. It sort of sounds like people are contributing and SIL didn't get the memo, and has to be asked, and them begrudgingly agreed.

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It is graceless to arrive empty-handed. It is equally graceless for a host to ask a guest to bring the most expensive part of the meal.

mrsm43s · 21/12/2024 20:23

I think it's a bit off to expect the single guest to be responsible for bringing the joint which is most likely by far the most expensive component of the meal for the whole family. She should offer yo bring something, but if she doesn't then asking her to bring a bottle or two of wine, or a dessert or the crackers is more reasonable than expecting one single person to pay the majority of the meal costs for several families.

So I think you're being tight to ask for this, but equally, she was tight not to have offered a small proportional contribution.

CJsGoldfish · 21/12/2024 20:29

"I'll just wrap up the leftovers for you SIL. Actually, I might grab some for sandwiches later/tomorrow as I'm all cooked out after today"
Then take as much as you want and give her whatever is left 🤷‍♀️

Dagnabit · 21/12/2024 20:29

Strip all the turkey off the bone then double wrap the bone in foil and hand it over. Leave leftover turkey in the fridge at the back 😃

MILLYmo0se · 21/12/2024 20:30

So is she planning to bring her own dish to cook the turkey in? Or how is she planning to get her leftovers home?

mumda · 21/12/2024 20:30

I'd tell her not to bother bringing it. Get your own.

SavingTheBestTillLast · 21/12/2024 20:31

Think your dhs response ‘good luck with that’ has already told her what a rude thing it is that she’s suggesting.
I wouldn’t comment about it again
I would, however, squirrel everything away before she gets a chance to take what’s left.
She can make soup from the bones.
tbh I have no idea what a turkey crown is, are there bones??

Dagnabit · 21/12/2024 20:32

mrsm43s · 21/12/2024 20:23

I think it's a bit off to expect the single guest to be responsible for bringing the joint which is most likely by far the most expensive component of the meal for the whole family. She should offer yo bring something, but if she doesn't then asking her to bring a bottle or two of wine, or a dessert or the crackers is more reasonable than expecting one single person to pay the majority of the meal costs for several families.

So I think you're being tight to ask for this, but equally, she was tight not to have offered a small proportional contribution.

You can get a medium turkey crown for about £16 in Aldi - frozen but that’s fine. She must eat and drink more than that throughout the day; not to mention the 10 freeloading years she’s had!

SavingTheBestTillLast · 21/12/2024 20:33

mrsm43s · 21/12/2024 20:23

I think it's a bit off to expect the single guest to be responsible for bringing the joint which is most likely by far the most expensive component of the meal for the whole family. She should offer yo bring something, but if she doesn't then asking her to bring a bottle or two of wine, or a dessert or the crackers is more reasonable than expecting one single person to pay the majority of the meal costs for several families.

So I think you're being tight to ask for this, but equally, she was tight not to have offered a small proportional contribution.

OP has been hosting for ten years and SIL has provided nothing during that time.
Personally i think SIL should do everything and provide everything for the next ten years

CheeseCakeSunflowers · 21/12/2024 20:37

You say she doesn't lift a finger so presumably she doesn't clear up after the meal. In that case I would give her the leftovers, all of them. Get a nice big bag for life, put the turkey in first then all the scrapings from the plates, left over veg, gravy and maybe the trifle on top. When she leaves hand her the bag with a big smile.

itsgettingweird · 21/12/2024 20:38

I'm providing crackers and cheese for my family xmas dinner.

I wouldn't dream of taking any of it home.

Well maybe my GF crackers but that's purely because they are only eaten by me!

I shall leave the rest at my dad's. He can eat/ keep what he wants or take it to my brothers in laws when he visits xmas day.

I wouldn't dream of taking things I've taken to a meal someone else has cooked - and I also wouldn't dream of turning up with nothing either!

HoppityBun · 21/12/2024 20:39

I understand completely how you feel. I’d suggest standing back a little from the problem and separating how you feel about the SIL with what a leftover turkey crown actually is. Is this some prize Bronze turkey of exceptional value and taste? If not, perhaps you’ll be more cheerful about her annoying attitude if you (privately) think of her as leftover cold turkey herself.

Get yourself something nice to cook and eat after she’s gone L

NoahsTortoise · 21/12/2024 20:40

The more I think about this, the ruder i think it is OP.

I can't believe how entitled this woman must be to think that because you are not hosting her for free for the 11th year in a row, she's going to make a point and take the leftover turkey home!!!!!

I honestly would serve double portions to everyone and make sure I went back for seconds so she was left with nothing. It would be like that episode of the Vicar of Dibley.

MeridianB · 21/12/2024 20:45

I can’t get over you hosting for a decade with bugger all in the way of contributions from any of them. They have no shame.

And now this nonsense. If your SIL is this tight I guarantee she will buy a teeny, quail-sized crown and there won’t be any leftovers.

RockOrAHardplace · 21/12/2024 20:46

BarbaraHoward · 21/12/2024 18:06

Missing the point I guess, but I think it's a bit inhospitable to ask a guest to bring the turkey to Christmas lunch. A bottle of wine or dessert sure.

So seriously, you think its ok to go to someones home for 10 years without a thank you gift or contribution of any kind and for the host not to feel slightly taken for granted? 10 years is a long time to get an acknowledgement of your generosity!

BarbaraHoward · 21/12/2024 20:50

RockOrAHardplace · 21/12/2024 20:46

So seriously, you think its ok to go to someones home for 10 years without a thank you gift or contribution of any kind and for the host not to feel slightly taken for granted? 10 years is a long time to get an acknowledgement of your generosity!

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No I think the SIL has been really rude to turn up empty handed.

That doesn't change the fact that I think OP was rude to insist that the single guest provides the main joint of meat for the whole gathering.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 21/12/2024 20:52

She's only bringing the turkey. The leftovers are hers. She is not bringing anything else. No other items are hers.

Enjoy your plate of just turkey, SIL.

ForestFox44 · 21/12/2024 20:52

I would make sure there was none left to take or literally a tiny bit of skin 😆

ChristmasPudd1990 · 21/12/2024 20:55

Extremely rude of her. It's like bringing a bottle to a party then asking for it back if it's not been drunk. Don't invite her again.

Birch101 · 21/12/2024 20:56

When she comes to ask for them I would embrace the merchant of Venice .... you can have the leftovers (your lb of flesh) but not one single drop of blood... no dishes, Tupperware etc put it loose in your handbag love!

StormingNorman · 21/12/2024 20:57

I’m not sure what this means @HoppityBun

perhaps you’ll be more cheerful about her annoying attitude if you (privately) think of her as leftover cold turkey herself.