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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Christmas lunch - guests, contributions and leftovers

276 replies

HardonCollider · 21/12/2024 17:29

I can’t decide who IBU here so please help.

There’s a small number of us for Christmas lunch, we’re hosting. SIL (single, no children) has bought the turkey crown under duress. For completeness, we host every year for her and PIL (for the last 10 or so years) and haven’t previously asked for anything. Nothing has ever been offered either, no drinks brought round as a thank you. Now SIL is saying she will take all of the turkey leftovers!

I can’t decide if that’s fine as she’s paid for it or if she’s being a CF as she’s getting the whole Christmas dinner prepared (she won’t lift a finger while she’s here, never does).

So who IBU - me for expecting the leftovers to be left, or her for taking them all?!

OP posts:
SpunkyOchreGuide · 21/12/2024 17:43

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Livinginadream · 21/12/2024 17:43

Please please use your words. "Oh so even when I'm doing all the cooking and hosting I don't even get the leftovers?!" Just say it confidently and light hearted.

KarlaKK · 21/12/2024 17:44

If you've got a dog, great - he can have the leftovers. Or wrap up the peelings from the potatoes and veg in silver foil and tell her that is the turkey leftovers:).Then when she is home and realises say you mixed the packages up. Wrap it all really well so she doesn't peek in it before leaving the house.

YiayiaP · 21/12/2024 17:45

Eat all the turkey… or feed it to the dog (if you’ve got one… if not, a neighbour’s dog?!) 🤣

MumonabikeE5 · 21/12/2024 17:45

If you don’t enjoy her comapnynimqiisltn invite her. But I also wouldn’t dream coming and not contributing money and labour to the meal prepared for me by my peers.

inadmit we often turned up at the parents as a foursome and barely did anything. But that was whilst kids were small, we were wasted and skint.

but unless there was a reciprocal plan I wouldn’t dream of doing that to aunts or cousins or friends .

Zanatdy · 21/12/2024 17:45

Unbelievable cheek. I wouldn’t host next year if she’s being like that. Showing up with nothing is rude.

Oioisavaloy27 · 21/12/2024 17:47

How mean! As someone else has said hide most of the leftovers.

Ginkypig · 21/12/2024 17:48

Chop 2/3rds off it and stash it in the fridge under the Brussels then wrap what’s left and hand her it.

cheeky bitch.

though really you should just say to her without confrontation. Sil we have hosted you for years without complaints or asking for anything. You can have your turkey back of course you can as you bought it but I’m taking it as a sign of you mean you are so don’t expect us to host you again next year.

harriethoyle · 21/12/2024 17:48

Stick it in the freezer inside an empty frozen pea bag 🤭

FaLaLaLaLaaaaaa · 21/12/2024 17:49

Nip it in the bud next year. Say you are happy to host but are short on money so ask she pays some money towards the food. Or just let her buy the Turkey and then take the left overs.

Ultimately think this is about her never offering either. My mum, sister and I always split the cost three ways because it can be bloody expensive. Then we split the left overs or just host Boxing Day with them etc.

I'm sure plenty of people will say that if you host it's mean to ask for a contribution but the dinner can be so expensive, especially at the moment.

Hankunamatata · 21/12/2024 17:51

I'd send her a bill now based on your electric, gas, water, other food she will consume

BCSurvivor · 21/12/2024 17:51

OP, I would make sure your PIL know that she's insisting on taking the turkey leftovers home with her by announcing it at the dinner table and making a big thing of wrapping it up for her.

ChristmasinBrighton · 21/12/2024 17:54

Honestly I would buy my own turkey and get strategic covid at Christmas.

TruthThatsHardAsSteel · 21/12/2024 17:57

Honestly I'd just tell her to stick it (you keep your turkey, we will just buy our own). Couldn't be bothered with that

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 21/12/2024 17:58

Ferro · 21/12/2024 17:31

Stuff your face with as much turkey as you can, and let her take the leftovers. Then don't invite her next year.

This.

Petrasings · 21/12/2024 18:00

Oh I would absolutely give her the leftovers. It would the smallest most spindliest bone wrapped carefully in kitchen roll and wrapped in foil 😂
The rest would be in the dog

FoxFaceRabbitFish · 21/12/2024 18:02

As she doesn’t lift a finger I doubt she’ll clear the table at the end of the meal. Take the leftover turkey into the kitchen, put half in your fridge or freezer and box up the rest for her. I don’t think you’re being unreasonable, when I’ve hosted family they have offered to bring contributions and at the end of the visit we’ve divided up the leftovers based on what is remaining and what people fancy. It’s a shame selfish people over complicate something which should be straightforward!

Vaxtable · 21/12/2024 18:03

i would carve some extra off. Let her take the rest and won’t invite her or pil next year

onehundredpaws · 21/12/2024 18:04

FoxFaceRabbitFish · 21/12/2024 18:02

As she doesn’t lift a finger I doubt she’ll clear the table at the end of the meal. Take the leftover turkey into the kitchen, put half in your fridge or freezer and box up the rest for her. I don’t think you’re being unreasonable, when I’ve hosted family they have offered to bring contributions and at the end of the visit we’ve divided up the leftovers based on what is remaining and what people fancy. It’s a shame selfish people over complicate something which should be straightforward!

I am quite certain SIL will grab the turkey and leave the table as soon as the meal is finished. But she won’t help clearing anything else.

2catsandhappy · 21/12/2024 18:04

Does she arrive early? 'Cos you'll have to prep the crown(bacon lattice, butter) then cook.
I bet a box of mince pies she will quaff every drop of drink she can get her hands on. You know, to get her monies worth because of the outrage of having to contribute to a family meal.
I wonder if it is worth the resentment and just ask for a dessert instead. I bought a Vienetta but dd found it.
On the other hand if she did get trollied and staggered out of your house clutching her precious turkey scraps, while screeching 'an' another thing, yer brussels are crap!' that would be Christmas gold.
Oh what to do...

JollyHollyMe · 21/12/2024 18:05

Whoever has a dog or cat should get the leftovers (if there are any)

mbosnz · 21/12/2024 18:05

I think I'd say to her, 'if it means so much to you of course you must take the leftovers'.

And every piece I carved off, before I put it on someone's plate, I'd look at her, and say, 'now what about this piece SIL, do you think you can spare this piece?'

Well, if I was well into the wine, I quite possibly would, lol. . .

onehundredpaws · 21/12/2024 18:06

Clear the table and drop the plate with turkey on the floor.

BarbaraHoward · 21/12/2024 18:06

Missing the point I guess, but I think it's a bit inhospitable to ask a guest to bring the turkey to Christmas lunch. A bottle of wine or dessert sure.

BellissimoGecko · 21/12/2024 18:07

No, she's being a CF. Time to employ the MN tinkly laugh: 'Goodness, SIL, we have hosted you for Christmas for ten years and you haven't contributed a thing up to now. Ten free Christmas dinners, drinks, canapés... And the first time you bring anything, you want to take the leftovers home? That's so funny. No.' <hard stare>