Christmas lunch - guests, contributions and leftovers

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I can’t decide who IBU here so please help.

There’s a small number of us for Christmas lunch, we’re hosting. SIL (single, no children) has bought the turkey crown under duress. For completeness, we host every year for her and PIL (for the last 10 or so years) and haven’t previously asked for anything. Nothing has ever been offered either, no drinks brought round as a thank you. Now SIL is saying she will take all of the turkey leftovers!

I can’t decide if that’s fine as she’s paid for it or if she’s being a CF as she’s getting the whole Christmas dinner prepared (she won’t lift a finger while she’s here, never does).

So who IBU - me for expecting the leftovers to be left, or her for taking them all?!

you forgot the "you stay home" after the don't bother.

If she's really stingy, she's not going to buy a big bird anyway so there's unlikely to be any leftovers.
SIL has been reading too many "I can feed my family for a week with one roast chicken" threads.

Why do you do every year?

Make up plates of leftovers for your PIL to take home to have the next day.

Maybe, buy another crown and cook that and give her none of it and then just give her back her raw crown for her to cook and then have herself alone in her expensive kitchen

OR even better don't say anything against her having leftovers so she is NOT SUSPICIOUS and then carve off what you want for yourselves put it in the car so it keeps cool and keep the carcass so you can make stock

and put hers in lots of layers of tin foil with cheap bread to bulk out the parcel so it looks really big but is actually mostly bread but she won't know until she gets home 😁😁😁😁

She doesn't get an invitation next year

Before I split with my ex he used to try to plate up all the left over turkey that my mum had paid for and send it home with his mother 😒

Just tell her christmas is cancelled

These people!

Tell her she can't take home any that your electricity has cooked!

I agree with the PP saying tell her she can have the whole turkey crown to herself, because you're no longer hosting!

Yea she's one of them, I'd buy another too and let her take as much as she likes and just 🙄

I think I'd actually just buy my own to cook and serve everyone. Then I'd hand her back hers still in the packaging on her way out. If she's going to be a rude bitch then match that energy 🤷🏻‍♀️

As other posters have said,I would let rip at the table and pointedly tell everyone not to eat too much as she wants to take it.
I would then ask her how much she thinks everything's costs and does she know how rude she is.
I am peri menopausal asn quite frankly have no time for rudeness at the moment.

Really looking forward to the post Christmas update from this and the other Christmas leftovers thread.

Would you really do such a crass thing and make everyone uncomfortable over a few quids worth of turkey?

The OP has repeatedly invited this person. Voluntarily. If I invite people to a meal it means I am happy to have them attend and fully able/willing to provide the hospitality. Unless SIL is a mind-reader, or these are communal potluck meals (in which case the OP isn't hosting, she is just one of multiple contributors) why is she being blamed?

Yes, it's couth for a guest to send a thank-you gift or even show up with wine, champagne, chocolates or flowers (for the host to enjoy later, not as part of the meal, if it's not a potluck). But there are many, many people out there who don't, unfortunately, adhere to traditional etiquette. OP being one of them, if she is really demanding that one of her guests provide the main part of the meal "under duress." She is not covering herself in glory here.

Squabbling over a bit of poultry meat is just tacky. If one wants to organize a potluck rather than host a meal, have at it, but don't expect people to be psychic. Be up front about it, give plenty of notice, and remember that if people are contributing to the meal, they also get a say in the timing, the cost, the menu, the guest list, the level of formality, etc; it's a two-way street.

I think you are a bit too invested here and yes, I won't tolerate rudeness.

I'd put every last bit of turkey on the plates and let her take the bare carcass home, she's a CF!

What is a potluck? is it like a Jacobs join - or not as with a Jacobs join you usually have a list, or you don't care if you end up with 10 tubes of Pringles as it isn't a proper meal, potluck implies some randomness/lack of structure which i am not sure works on Christmas Day.

But you're happy to behave in a rude manner yourself? "Letting rip" at the dinner table and ranting about the cost of a meal isn't exactly what most would call polite.

Can you buy a vegan "turkey" (tofurkey?), cook it beforehand, then give her a nice big tub of that instead of the real leftovers?

What is your problem and why are you deliberately trying to goad people??
Get a grip.

When you see the size of the crown assess how much leftovers there will be and then employ one of two strategies:

1. if it's relatively small for the number of diners try to serve as much as possible up so there isn't much to take away.

2. if it's very big when everyone has just started eating and saying it's delicious say loudly so everyone can hear. 'And there is going to be so much food left. In-laws - I will give you a chunk of turkey to take home for a sandwich later plus some potatoes and veg. SIL I will give you some too so all of us can enjoy the leftovers.

I suspect she won't go overboard with the size of it so option 1 will be what you need.

I am reminded of a friend who said that one of her in-laws brought nothing usually but one year they were impressed with a bottle of wine she brought. She sat in an easy chair, ask the host for a wine glass, poured herself a glass and put the bottle down beside her chair with the words, That's mine, no-one is to touch it!

A potluck can have a list, particularly at Christmas…x brings the cheese board, x brings the wine, x brings the dessert, x brings the nibbles, and so on.

It's definitely not you being cheeky.

Cook the turkey perfectly, serve more than enough for everyone, reserving a few slices for boxing day sandwiches. Then chuck "her" leftovers back in the oven for another good few hours. Incredibly pass agg but should get the message across nicely.

Spot on, thank you for understanding!

Christmas Day update - DH tidied up after dinner with SIL hanging around, mostly sat on the worktop watching! He was plating up the leftovers so was slicing the remaining turkey (there was a lot as PIL couldn’t come in the end as they were poorly) and asked SIL if she’d like some to take. He cut off a chunk and wrapped it for her, the rest went straight in the fridge. So problem solved and plenty of turkey and gravy sandwiches for us!

Sorry the inlaws were ill and glad the day went off without hitch and the SIL didn't run off with the food.