People turning up without warning- rude?

[notedbiscuits]

I find this behaviour rude and thoughtless. As the homeowners may have plans themselves or in the midst of a cooking marathon esp this time of the year.

Be nicer for them to message/call saying are you available to have a chat as in the area etc.

If you are one of those people who turn up at others without informing them first. Why do you do it?

Why are people not using their words?

What does this actually mean? It sounds like something you'd say to a toddler to encourage them to speak or have I missed something?

I’m just here to see if @StarDolphins poor unsuspecting mate opens the door.

Actually, I think the reason I can’t/wont tolerate poppers in is because my mother positively encouraged it when I was a child. The house was always full of random people and I never had any peace or privacy.

I absolutely hated it.

It depends who it is! Some friends/relatives would just pop round to drop something off and wait to be asked in and if I offer a cup of tea, ask if it's convenient. Polite.
What annoys me is ones who turn up for the afternoon/evening with kids/dog in tow and expect to be waited on. My SIL and a cousin of mine do this and it makes me mad. Very impolite.

In real life, that's exactly what people do. It's only on MN where people are apparently totally incapable of saying "sorry Fred but it's not a good time, why don't you pop by on X if you're free"?

My experience is that anyone who "pops in" really doesn't mind if they're told "no". It's only the people who find popping in "rude" who feel as though they have to cancel all their plans to accommodate them.

But that's their problem, not yours.

Why would you worry about upsetting someone like that to begin with?

And if some people don't mind a 'popper inner' that's fine. That is THEIR right.

It's the sneery and sanctimonious attitude (from some,) towards people who DO mind 'popper inners' that pisses me off. If I don't want randoms rocking up at my house expecting to be entertained for hours on end, that is my right. I don't have to explain myself to people. My life, and what I am doing with it, and my preferences, have got fuck-all to do with anyone else.

SO rude. I can’t bear it. I would never randomly “just pop in” to anyone’s house.
takes 2 seconds to send a text with your intention to call in. Absolutely HATE arseholes who just turn up.

Also, does anyone actually say 'use your words' in real life?! 😂 Sounds so naff!

That is your experience though. You don't have the relatives/acquaintances of others. IME I've had people be put out they have been told I'm busy. Some people hate being told no, especially a lot of popper in people.

😂 only to a 4 year old!

That's why I asked. Never heard it before and wouldn't have a clue what it meant if anyone said it to me - I'd be looking behind me for the toddler I thought they were speaking to.

Exactly this. There are very few people more entitled, obnoxious, and arrogant than the dreaded 'popper-inners!' Expecting people to let them in (uninvited,) and just drop anything and everything they are doing - to entertain them.. Whether it's paid work or housework, or a hobby, or just watching a film! And it's always for fucking HOURS!

.

Agreed, but it does explain the idea. That it’s ok to say to an unexpected caller that it’s not convenient, or that you only have 45 minutes or that you’re up to your eyes in cooking but they’re welcome to chat while you crack on.

the idea that you stop everything, seethe internally and entertain the person for as long as they want to is as odd as refusing to answer the door in the first place.

My grandmother kept a hat on a peg by the door just in case of unexpected visitors. She’d put it on and say ‘I was just on my way out.’

I guess I just don't particularly care if saying "no" puts them out, lol.

If someone chooses to turn up unannounced, they take the risk that I may be out, or busy, or just not in the mood. If me saying "Sorry Sandra, but you'll have to come back tomorrow" offends them, then that's their problem, not mine.

I'm quite happy for people to turn up without asking, but I'm just as happy to tell them it's inconvenient and that they can't stay. Someone who gets offended at being told "no" probably isn't someone I'm interested in maintaining a relationship with in the first place.

People can expect away - if they turn up and I'm busy, they don't cross the threshold. Why would you care about upsetting someone who insists on barging in regardless?

This! They always show up when you're having a lazy day or not feeling 100%. No one ever randomly turns up uninvited when you're up and dressed with an immaculate house.

Because they're CFs. It isn't worrying. It is acknowledging that not all dropper in people are OK for just a quick chat on the doorstep. It isn't nice to have people being dramatic or moaning behind your back because they're not invited in.

@BollickyBill @PosiePetal That's all very well and good to say when you have a nice big house, a cleaner or a husband to help you clean etc. Those of us whom struggle to make sure our home is always visitor-ready or occasionally to even have ourselves be in a visitor ready state (disability means I'm not always fit for visitors) means unexpected visitors just don't work. It's not a 'trend' you know. For most people it's just modern life.

My mum on the other hand, she's retired (also widowed after my Dad passed) is always at home in her newly renovated bungalow and therefore is the perfect person to drop in on.

That's been suggested on here before. Good idea too. And the fact it's your gran (the older generation) proves people hating popper inners/uninvited visitors is NOT a new thing. My gran used to hate it too! (She was born in the 1910s!) She used to close the curtains at the front (dining room,) and stay in the lounge at the back, and not answer the door most of the time if she wasn't expecting anyone. Because most of the time it would be a random neighbour who would stay for 3-4 HOURS!

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Me. I just did.

Bet you don't say 'use your words' in real life. If you do I'm embarrassed for you! 😬

I guess I just see that as their issue and file it away as "not my problem" lol.