People turning up without warning- rude?

[notedbiscuits]

I find this behaviour rude and thoughtless. As the homeowners may have plans themselves or in the midst of a cooking marathon esp this time of the year.

Be nicer for them to message/call saying are you available to have a chat as in the area etc.

If you are one of those people who turn up at others without informing them first. Why do you do it?

I don't mind receiving guests when my house is tidy but it's never fucking tidy when they do. It's like they wait.

Well I mean wearing a bra rather than having my tits hanging down by my waist.

But dropping in to say hello and maybe have a cup of tea, is a completely different situation to turning up and demanding lunch

But if it's a good friend or a relation - who realistically are going to be the only people popping in - they do not care if you are in your jammies or braless.

I dislike unanounced visitors. A friend once turned up unanounced when i was having work done. She seemed put out thsat it wasn't convenient. If she had bothered to text we could have arranged another date for her to visit.

Knickers on the radiator, 😂

I would never turn up at someone’s home without warning them, even just to drop something off I’d at least let them know and make it clear I didn’t expect them to answer the door. I would find it incredibly rude if somebody turned up at my house without an invite, I don’t have vistors often and my house is not usually guest ready and I would be mortified for someone to just turn up without me having done a tidy up and ensured I was dressed presentably etc. I guess in households where they have visitors popping over most days anyway maybe uninvited guests wouldn’t be such a big deal but for me having someone in my space is a big deal and very much something I want to be in full control of.

My DF has just informed me they will pop in on Christmas morning to see the kids open their pressies.

The kids are 20, 24, 25 and 26!

@TiramisuCheesecake · Today 12:50

Most people are not just out of the shower or working at home as a call centre worker when someone rings at the door. Most people are just downright antisocial, resent that an appointment hasn't been booked, or don't want anyone crossing the threshold into "their sanctuary".

If that's you, own it. At least acknowledge your reasons rather than dressing it up in oh i'm always SOOOOO busy at home I just don't have 30 seconds ever to answer the door.

I am 'owning it.' I genuinely HATE people being in my home. (Except, as I said, my adult DC and their partners.) I'm not making any secret of it. I am happy to meet people out - for a drink at the pub, or a Costa or Starbucks, or a pub lunch, but my home is my sanctuary. I don't want people here. Didn't mind it right up to my 50s, but CBA now. That is my right. I don't have to explain myself to the likes of you!

You sound irrationally angry and over-invested in this. Sounds like you're one of those irksome popper-inners, who thinks everyone should just drop everything they're doing to entertain you for hours on end. (As a pp said, it's never for 30 seconds when someone turns up! What a daft comment! 😆)

Maybe I am not just out of the shower, or on my way out, or working, when someone randomly turns up. Maybe I am doing very little - just watching a film on the TV. But I am still entitled to not want people randomly turning up without warning, and expecting me to entertain them for fuck knows how long!

I can't understand why people do this. It's very entitled, and arrogant, and needy.

.

I understand what you mean. I like to be ready at least in casual clothes and not in pjs! It always feels abit invasive when they're stood at your door all smart and composed, and you're answering it, not knowing who it is, and looking like you've been dragged through a hedge backwards 😳

You can't make someone else feel guilty, that's on them.

Rubbish, of course you can.

I've no problem with unplanned visits from friends, but don't be deliberately not telling me you're bringing gifts because YOU don't want them in return.

As I said, it's not all about them and what they want.

I HATE unexpected visitors and always have. Growing up my DMs siblings and our cousins would pop in whenever and expect to be fed and entertained.

Everyone knows - do not pop in, if invited, do not bring other people. I have no problem either not answering the door or turning people away. I need strong boundaries because emy wider family doesn't have many.

I like to host and do get my large family together. We are busy, I am not hosting because someone at a loose end deigns to visit.

My dad died recently. People came to the house announced. It was rude and intrusive. Rather than dropoff a sympathy card, they knocked on the door and wanted to come in and chat.

We all have different feelings about our bodies, I get it. Just want to put it on here that if you were my friend, or even just friendly neighbour, I would be happy for you and your ladies to pop in unannounced and hang out with me and mine for a chat and a biscuit. I would take you as I find you in expectation of the same back.

You sound very entitled and needy.

No, just Scottish... and with a circle of good friends where this is the norm.

My friends son just popped round to drop the Christmas presents off.....six hours early!!! I'm having a lazy day still in my pyjamas 🤣🤣 take you as you find me I'm afraid 🤣

Anything and everything outside of invitation only social interaction is considered rude on MN 🙄…. I’m sick of even seeing the word anymore 😵‍💫🥴

Haha, Jesus, I think sometimes they're stuck in a time warp, he's taken 10-15 years off their age. Bless him!

I think it depends on how long they stop . I don’t mind people “ popping in “ but usually they plonk themselves down and 2 hours later they’re still there .Really annoying when I have my day planned out !

Who says it’s because it causes them anxiety? Do you go around calling people snowflakes and parroting what you read in the daily fail?
It’s clear that people don’t want unexpected callers because they’re busy, aren’t prepared for visitors, have prior plans, haven’t got time etc. Not that it causes anxiety. I don’t have 10 or 20 minutes to spare for an unexpected visitor.
Congratulations that you managed to keep a stranger talking for 20 minutes. I’m sure they were just as happy about that as you are…

could be bathing my kids
could be dark outside and i'm alone with the kids so wont open the door if i'm not expecting anyone
could be feeding kids which is an ordeal itself (they stop eating when stimulated so i feed them before guests turn up)
could be having a nap
knickers on radiator as stated above - valid reason
house is a wreck toys everywhere

there are so many reasons why you need to let people know you are dropping by

i dont understand why some people dont think. with watsapp and most people have free minutes/texts there is absolutely no excuse to turn up without a heads up. even to drop gifts

I hate it, my dad does it constantly, it's definitely something that happened in the 90s more than today.
I remember every weekend we would turn up at my aunties house (dad's sister, just my dad took us), we would stay almost all day eating their food and just sitting in their garden. As a kid I thought it was great but I cringe now how intrusive that was.
My dad is exactly the same now, I tell him all the time to check if I'm in and he never does, says he's happy to walk up and walk back home if I'm out. He usually lands right on teatime or running out the door time 🙄

But you could deal with this by.... speaking to them? It's lovely to see you Marjorie, would you like a cup of tea? Just so you know I have a hair appointment / need to pick up a delivery / a dentist appointment so I will have to chase you out by Xpm, but that still gives us time for a chat.

Incredibly fucking rude. But some people don’t mind a popper in.

My friends wouldn’t bother as they know I never answer the door unless I am expecting someone (yes, I’m a proper little mumsnetter)

If anyone wants to drop something off they leave it in the porch.

Why are people not using their words? If it’s not convenient or you are working or had planned to go out why are you not saying that?

I’m saying this as a ‘stopping by is completely normal’ person. You just say it don’t you? If they’re wanging on a not making a move you say ‘right you are Hyacinth, I’m back to work/off to Tesco/got to make a start on the beard and toenails now’ and make the movements.

The issue is, some people are "put out" by this, and have a chip on their shoulder because they weren't invited in. I have experienced this with unannounced visitors, it wasn't even factored in that I was in the middle of painting the hallway.