People turning up without warning- rude?

[notedbiscuits]

I find this behaviour rude and thoughtless. As the homeowners may have plans themselves or in the midst of a cooking marathon esp this time of the year.

Be nicer for them to message/call saying are you available to have a chat as in the area etc.

If you are one of those people who turn up at others without informing them first. Why do you do it?

VegTrug · Today 15:30
lol I wish I did, I have been ill recently and I was scared they would think there was something wrong. 😑 on the outset it looked like there was no one in, no car in driveway, lights off. Thank goodness they were only here for half an hour

I’m take me as you find me. If I know someone is dropping in obviously i’ll sure the house is semi-respectable, dishes done etc but if someone turns up and the house is a tip well that’s on them! But then I all don’t have a problem telling people that I’m busy or heading out or whatever else it may be and sending them on their way!

The only time I do get annoyed it with my aunt. On the weekends she’s usually up early taking the dog a walk so has been known to drop in unannounced as early as 9.30am. At the weekends we like to lounge about in our pyjamas, have a late breakfast and a cup of tea or two before getting on with our day later in the morning or early afternoon. She once commented that we were wasting the best time of day by being in our pyjamas after 9.30am at which point I snapped, told her that my husband, the two kids and I all have to be at work or school by 9am during the week because unlike her we aren’t retired and I’m not a
morning person. If she wants to be up at silly-am walking the dog on the beach that’s up to her but we like a quiet morning on the weekend without rushing around to be places or have visitors. The following weekend she turned up at 10am and we ignored the door.

Loved. Those days growing up when my parents friends or mine turn up. So glad people still do it here. Yabu by the way

Loved. Those days growing up when my parents friends or mine turn up. So glad people still do it here. Yabu by the way

Totally agree! I would say that turning up on someone's doorstep and expecting to be invited in for tea and biscuits when you have no idea if they might be busy, it could be inconvenient or even home is the epitome of "selfish".

I grew up in the 60's with that too and while it was "the thing" I know my parents weren't keen because their downtime was precious. Sunday mornings used to be the time when reli's "dropped in" and while they would never turn them away, it did eat into their relaxation time.

Very rude and I wouldn't dream of doing it.
I always send a quick text to ask ifs it ok to drop/return something.
Everyone I know does the same.
15 minutes warning asking is it ok.
People are busy and mostly they really don't like it.

Our family knocked and we didn't awnser as we assumed it was Jehovahs Witnesses (saw them down the road through the window) then said family let themselves in because our door was unlocked. I jumped up and went ballistic at the door ready to fight an intruder! We all laughed about it. Although it was cheeky as we could have been going right at it, butt naked on the sofa at the time. However, we weren't - luckily for them...

It's nothing to get too troubled by IMO and I think there's too many people on MN who would be quick to say "cut them off immediately" for such a thing happening - which is a complete over reaction.

Just set expectations "Oh come in Sue, I'm just in the middle of this, but pull up a chair and I'll make a brew when I'm done".

I absolutely hate people just dropping in.
It's never the days I'm chilling with a clean tidy house. I'm usually busy and it just wrecks all the plans I have for that day, usually while kids are out. My dad is the worst for it he lives 2 mins in car, never phoned to see if I'm in just passes and if my cars outside in he comes. Now before I get chewed on, I know I am lucky to have him, but it's every day if he can, and it's not just quick cuppa it's two hours just standing in pitching looking out window commenting on what I need to do with the garden. I've got a notice on my door for delivery men not to knock on door with parcels when I am sleeping on night shift. Well even if the notice is on front door he still comes knowing I'm on nights. Then if I don't answer he txts me to say he was up and no answer. Drives me and my hubby bonkers.

Only on MN would friends be referred to as “homeowners”.

But I see your point, if I know someone rents their home I rock up whenever I feel like it, especially when I have insomnia 😅

Controlling your own destiny.
Sweet Jesus 🤦‍♀️
I suppose those who don’t spontaneously combust at the appearance of friend or family at our door are just spineless wet lettuces, blown hither and thither by the winds of fate with no control over our lives whatsoever?
🤣🤣🤣

PIL used to do this.
Suddenly appear and announce that they were taking us all out.
It stopped eventually after they did it one Sunday when both of my DC were doing readings at church in a memorial service for the Boys Brigade leader who had died.
PIL were furious that we didnt just missit.
Rude as hell and very inconsiderate.

It was so normal when I was young as a child, now as an adult I'd hate it. I assumed all adults liked it back then as that's how it was but I asked my parents recently and they hated it but put up with it. I've asked other older people and they said the same. People were always popping in, early mornings, right when dad finished work, when house is a mess or not feeling up to company.
I love being left alone! I can't imagine getting in after a hard day and then entertaining someone for a few hours. Thank god for internet and messaging

This. ^

Are you always so rude?

Ah well, I'm not a mindreader.

100% this!

@StarryPotter · Today 14:24

It’s a thing of the past for sure. I remember when I was younger, my aunty & a couple of my mums friends would drop by unannounced, usually just a quick visit. My mum never seemed to mind and they would usually just sit in the kitchen with a cup of tea for a natter.

I think those were the days when women weren't as busy and stressed and frazzled though. Most women now (even with children) are forced out to work - just make ends meet, as the man's wage is no longer enough to 'keep' the family.

And there is no 'village' for anyone anymore. Many mothers of young children have very little help, and little or no family around them. When I was a child/teen - 1970s and 1980s - we had around 20 family members within 1 to 2 miles of our house. And most women were stay-at-home-mums.

Most women I know now work, (because they HAVE to,) and they have no family around them for many miles.

Are you OK? Seriously. You seem rather angry that some people have different views and opinions to you.

I haven’t actually seen much in the way of responses to the OP’s actual question - why do people who do this do it? What’s the benefit of just turning up when you could text or call to check if it’s convenient? Is a visit somehow more enjoyable if the person you’re visiting doesn’t know it’s going to happen?

For all those saying “But I’m not worried about the state of your house/if you’re slopping around in your joggers/if you have to carry on chopping the carrots - I’ve come to see yooooo!” - I know you think you’re being kind, but you’re not. You’re not considering that the person you’re visiting might care about the house being a mess, or having unwashed hair. Be considerate. Send a text.

Angry, really? I’m not remotely angry?

I do believe a lot of people will not text because they know the person will say no so they just turn up anyway which is doubly as bad.

I don't think that's necessarily true - when I was a kid in the 70s and 80s my mum always worked (mostly full time except when we were pre-school age), she also ran the local girls' youth organisation and was active in the church and the local choir, and friends and family were in and out of our house all the time. Her best friend would have thought nothing of popping in at 10pm for a coffee! Some people just thrive on being busy and social I guess.

You sound it. You sound pretty annoyed about other peoples preferences being different to yours.

I haven’t actually seen much in the way of responses to the OP’s actual question - why do people who do this do it?

I "pop in" on FIL because he would think I was absolutely bonkers if I rang first. He has his door unlocked all day and everyone is welcome. If you tried to call him first, he'd be convinced something was wrong, lol. The first time I visited him without DH, I got told off for knocking!