People turning up without warning- rude?

[notedbiscuits]

I find this behaviour rude and thoughtless. As the homeowners may have plans themselves or in the midst of a cooking marathon esp this time of the year.

Be nicer for them to message/call saying are you available to have a chat as in the area etc.

If you are one of those people who turn up at others without informing them first. Why do you do it?

I would find this quite rude!! To come to my door and not even say hi, then leave presents outside in the rain until I next check my phone. I would assume you must have been in a tremendous rush and far too busy to want to speak to me.

Again in certain circumstances. The vast majority of visitors aren’t doing this. Your specific experience isn’t the majority of people. But yes go me thank you. Snidely commnet aside I’ll take it as you being positive rather than passive aggressive.

Because I felt awful, looked terrible, was throwing up and hoped that like any decent person she would go away. Okay?

My in laws. Trying to tidy upstairs and I hear banging at the door. Peek out the window and see their car. Hoping they would eventually leave. Did they feck! They stood and chapped the door for a good twenty minutes, phoning my partner to see where I was. He’s phoning me asking where I am. I just wanted a bit of me time. So I eventually had to answer!!! That was earlier on. Grrrrrrr

I would be extremely surprised if a friend just knocked on the off chance as my DS works night shift and they are aware of this but I get what you are saying
We arrange a mutually convenient time because we all think that's polite 🤷🏼‍♀️

Why on earth did you give in?! I'd have called them and said I was in bed with a headache, can they come back another day.

@ueberlin2030 It's not selfish to think of your own needs.

That's quite literally the definition of selfish 🤣

I absolutely hate this!!

I am a busy person and fill my days.

When I have free time, I’m either doing a job that I’ve been putting off or actually having some time to relax.
Neither of which can be done with people there.

Some people have very little going on in their lives and so they assume other people are the same.
They turn up unannounced, knowing that it’s harder to say no.

It's not.

I find the behaviour controlling.

@Mygreyhair What did you say back?! If they're anything like my 24yr old nephew, he'll be waiting all day for him to get out of bed!

@ueberlin2030 Putting your own needs first IS what selfish means. That may not be your own personal understanding of it but it is everyone else's....

Nope, it's not.
Being selfish is not considering others. Learning to prioritise your own needs does not mean you never consider others.

In the past, one family member would pop round without warning sometimes, always just before dinner time when we didn't have extra to serve up. He'd stay for 4 hours, almost in complete silence, as no one was sociable enough to find small talk easy. It started off with random visits but eventually he settled on Wednesdays. Every Wednesday.

Other family members would also pop round and stay well past bedtime. One was deliberately insulting, trying to start arguments.

With this history of random visits, I won't allow them now. Once it starts, it's too hard to stop.

No it's not
Being selfish is when you stamp all over other people's needs and put yourself first.

Oh a bit like turning up to someones house without checking it's OK first or grabbing all the food at a buffet or demanding money
And expecting it is fine.
If you are a popping in friend, neighbour or family and no-one minds fine
Just turning up like Lord and Lady Muck and being outraged that you aren't welcome -tough.
It's a complete lack of consideration or boundaries AKA selfish!

I don't think that's the intention behind it. It's how things used to be. It stems from days when mobile phones weren't even thought of and not everyone even had a regular phone!

My parents were born during the war and my grandparents on my mum's side were the only house on the street to have a telephone. They frequently allowed neighbours to use it in a pinch and even then, telephone calls had to be booked via the operator, at first!
Before that it was telegrams and good old fashioned letters either by post or paying a boy to run it round to them if it wasn't far.
So in them days, popping round to someone's house for a cup of tea was a 'turn up and hope for the best' affair. Unless you were travelling up to see them for the weekend of course. That would be prearranged by letter no doubt.
My mum is now 80 and although she's had a mobile since around 2004, she still occasionally pops round to neighbours on her street and my late Dad's brother turns up at my mums's every now and then as he cannot get to grips with mobiles and keeps his switched off permanently!

Yanbu I hate it when people do this it's usually right in the middle of cooking or bath/ bed time. If people just messaged first I could make myself available for them. Iv had it twice this week alone once right at the end of cooking where everything was happening at once and another time when I was wrapping a load of presents and everything was sprawled out everywhere including their presents

@TowerBallroom Are you ok? You sound angry. Very angry

No. It's not rude. Only on mn.

It is rude. Not just on mn.

I grew up with this in the 60s. People dropped in on us all the time, and we dropped in on them. And random visitors just mucked in with whatever we were doing. I loved it.

But back then many people didn't even have a landline phone, so letting people know in advance wasn't really practical. So people's expectations were different.

Well said, @TowerBallroom

It's so rude. I don't want to sound awful but it tends to be boomers who don't have many plans that like unexpected visitors.

I don't!

This x1000

My time away from work is filled well in advance. I don't appreciate interruptions. People can reach me via phone and e-mail if they want to make plans in advance.