No Christmas card from my baby

[mumtoababygirl]

This year is my first Christmas as a Mum. It took us over a decade to have our baby. I asked my DH back in November if he was going to get me a Christmas card from the baby, he said yes.

I know it’s silly and I know it’s not really from her, but I just would love something that said Mum on it.

He hasn’t got me one.

I’ve been laid here awake for the best part of two hours being so upset about it. I’ve come to the conclusion that he just doesn’t care about me. I’m not asking for a special, custom card from Etsy, just to pop into Tesco (which he passes) on his way home from work. He knows how much I would love it and it would mean to me.

AIBU to be so upset? It’s just a card and not even actually from my baby?

YABU. Lying awake for two hours upset over that? I wish I had your problems.

He is not a mind reader OP and your probably going to have a lot of upset over the coming years if you don’t tell him what’s going to make you happy. No, people don’t instinctively know what people want - sometimes you have to say.

I think there is more going on as to why your in bed with your mind spiralling out of control and predicting the death of your relationship and your worth over a card he wasn’t even aware you wanted.

OR are their wider issues and this is the tip of the iceberg?

I had IVF - it never occurred to me that I’d needed a Xmas card of my babies. When mother day came around I told my DH what I wanted to do/wanted and I have a great day.

Vipers?
That's a tad extreme.

We don't do Christmas cards at all so I'd say YABU but if it's important to you... what I will say is that they're pretty meaningless until they can create them themselves, then they are lovely but there's not much special about a random card pulled off the shelf at Card Factory.

It's not Christmas yet

So, he is meant to buy a card and write a message in it pretending it’s the baby writing and then you all play pretends when you open it? Okay. To be honest if my DH ever asked me to play such a crackers game I’d be having some serious questions regarding his mental state.

Children do their own cards when they are older at nursery and/or start school. Mine then made cards with pieces of tinsel or stickers or whatnot in them and a necklace which was a string of macaroni or some such. Once at school they then write the word ‘mum’ themselves and no one has to play a ridiculous pretending game. Actually you do though, as then you need to pretend it’s all a fantastic work of art 🤣. However pretending that with a young child is entirely rational.

Hear hear!

I don’t think it’s silly to want a card.

however, as someone who has been upset on several occasions by things like this, I’ve come to realise my husband doesn’t think of things like this because he is being deliberately thoughtless, but because growing up his family were just a bit weird, and either don’t give/gift cards or mark occasions in this way, or have very specific rules (as in you give cards on Christmas Eve). You can either tell him, in our little family, this is how I think it would be nice to work, and we will be giving family cards on xx date, or not say anything but possibly be upset when he does nothing.

On this basis, I’d truly consider outlining when Mother’s Day is and what you think it looks like!

@ueberlin2030

No, it's not.

*How shallow

Grow up

Get a grip

I wish I had your problems
*
To an emotionally overwhelmed first time mother who struggled for years to have her baby, is extreme. The above have all been said on this thread, and it's all fucking horrible and extremely unnecessary.

He doesn't need to be a mind reader, she mentioned in November she wants a card

He probably truly doesn’t think about it or care. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love your or the baby in his own ways, but thinking about your feelings isn’t in his gift.

Just get used to being independent- do things for you and dd that are meaningful. Mum and baby matching mittens, mum and baby special day out for Christmas etc

no point depending on a man to make you feel validated

confrats in being a mum and enjoy every minute of Christmas

It’s not about whether other people would want a card in this situation or not. It’s the fact that your husband knows it’s important to you, and it’s such a simple thing to do. There’s still time, I really hope he gets one for you. Enjoy your DD’s first Christmas OP!

I think you meant to quote @Berlinlover and not me (@ueberlin2030).
I'll await your apology. 😵‍💫

@AngelicKaty I wanted to thank you for your lovely comment (because they're so few and far between in Mumsnet these days) but the app on iPhone has no reaction buttons! So thank you ☺️ Have a wonderful Christmas!

Some people really are absolute wallopers aren’t they? This thread is really proving it.

I get it, small gestures matter. Tell him you're upset and hopefully he will sort it - perhaps he will even tell you he already has one and was going to give it on Christmas Day.

I don't think it is unreasonable, when you have asked someone to do something pretty small for you and they have said they will, to expect them to do it. This is doubly the case when you are a new mum and dealing with the hormones, exhaustion and the rest.

I don't get the christmas card from baby thing, but to each her own.

But, OP, are you sure he hasn't done it? You have a card for him that you haven't given him, so are you certain he hasn't done the same? If so, remind him and say it is important to you. He still has a few days to sort it.

OP, this kind of thread is cat nip to the really unkind mumsnet posters who ignore context and live to put people down so please ignore them

i know it seems silly but i understand how important it is to receive something with mum on it.

did you have your baby quite recently? When I look back at the things I was really upset about when my baby was small I realised that hormones were playing a big part of it, just gently remind your husband how important it is to you. When you reread the card in 20 years it won’t matter you reminded him

things like this mean zero to some people it’s not spiteful or deliberate laziness it’s just them
I think your DH might be one of then whilst it clearly means something to u

whats the point of getting something if you have to ask for it
the easiest way to prompt him into action is go be him his card

I think people are being a bit mean. However I don't think this is in any way a universal thing to get (whereas I think most Mums would expect on Mothering Sunday) so if you want one I'm afraid you do need to ask!

Yup, expecting your partner to know you want him to get a card from a baby, and pretend the baby wrote it. 🫣

Try and reframe this so that it doesn't overshadow and ruin Christmas with your baby. My husband is useless at buying presents and he would never remember something like buying a card from the baby, however many times I reminded him because he just wouldn't see the importance of it. He's also the kindest person who has supported me through many life challenges. If your husband is supportive and good in other ways, try and focus on that. Buying cards from a baby isn't the done thing so I do think you are being unreasonable.

I think so many of us are kindly saying this might be your hormones talking is because we've all been there. Except me who definitely didn't cry over the wrong food order dh brought in, when my baby was 6 days old, which proved dh didn't know me at all if he couldn't even get my food order right.

I would just say to him I know this might not seem important to you but I've waited so long to see the word mum on something, so please don't forget the card because it is important to me.

I know you don't want to remind him but I think better to remind that to sit and fester over it because he forgot.

Erm, @mumtoababygirl, you have already said that you have his card but haven't given it to him yet.

Who is to say he hasn't got yours but doesn't realise he's meant to have given it to you already?

Write his card, stick it on the mantelpiece and then he's cued in that 'now is the time for Christmas cards'.

The time to start getting upset is if he doesn't reciprocate.

Yanbu OP. We all have things like that might seem arbitrary or odd to other people but that mean a lot to us.

I personally need a big deal made of me by dh for mother's day but I'm not bothered about valentine's day or my birthday as much. My dh knows this and makes an effort for it. He always makes a really nice breakfast and gets me a card with a badge on it (best mummy or something) that I wear for the day and he takes a photo of me with the kids. I'm sure mumsnetters would scoff but it means a lot to me.

The key points are

• you've told him this is what you want. Back in November.
• it's not much to organise. It's just a card! You're really not demanding much compared to the two-course cooked breakfast on mother's day that I require each year lol.

Maybe he just didn't understand quite how important it is to you. I'd tell him, today, right now.