No Christmas card from my baby

[mumtoababygirl]

This year is my first Christmas as a Mum. It took us over a decade to have our baby. I asked my DH back in November if he was going to get me a Christmas card from the baby, he said yes.

I know it’s silly and I know it’s not really from her, but I just would love something that said Mum on it.

He hasn’t got me one.

I’ve been laid here awake for the best part of two hours being so upset about it. I’ve come to the conclusion that he just doesn’t care about me. I’m not asking for a special, custom card from Etsy, just to pop into Tesco (which he passes) on his way home from work. He knows how much I would love it and it would mean to me.

AIBU to be so upset? It’s just a card and not even actually from my baby?

OP i am so sorry you feel upset. It's horrible when you can't stop thinking about something.

But you might need to manage your expectations... My children have never written me a card except those they made at school and one they wrote in for my 40th birthday 😂

Don’t upset yourself with what could be a non show card.

Wait until your baby can make your card in three years time, that will be the real one.

You poor thing! I can’t believe how many people are telling you you’re being ridiculous. I would never have forgiven my husband if he didn’t get me a mummy card for my first Christmas as one. However, you’ve still got quite a long time until Christmas Day - give him a chance. Remind him a few more times. If you speak to your MIL mention it to her too. Men can just be completely useless over these sorts of things.

you will probably get it on christmas day

She just wants a card with mum on it. Why does everyone have to play at being an amateur psychologist?

Why does she need that card so much though? That's what some folk are wondering. It's odd to be so upset about this.

She can buy one herself if she was genuinely crying for 2 hours over this then yes a psychologist is needed

OP, I think I see where you are coming from. It's been a long journey for you - also for him but it is likely to have been harder on you. It's not really about the card so much as him validating your feelings about it all, the overwhelming significance of this baby finally arriving.

I can't say much about DH who may just, like many men, not really see cards as that meaningful a way of communicating sentiments. But what I can say is that when your baby says 'Mum' for the first time, all these other considerations about Christmas cards will pale into insignificance.

I understand why you would love something with ‘mum’ on it, but don’t waste time being upset about this. Men just aren’t the same as us about sentimental things. Don’t let this put a dampener on your first Christmas with your daughter and don’t let it cause an argument or atmosphere with your husband. It’s really not worth it 😊

YANBU at all but I would remind him nicely that it would mean a lot to you. Or give him his card and prompt him if he doesn't manufacture a shopping trip. Set your expectations out as you'll have quite a few birthdays, Christmases and Mothers Day before she's old enough to do the card herself.

You're wrong. My now ex H and I gave each other cards from our children as soon as the occasion came up. I was looking at them last month as I packed and it was lovely seeing the scribble next to their names.

We always do family cards with presents on Xmas day - try not to get too upset until you know you’ve definitely not got one… it may be coming with a cute present.
and if you don’t get one … I would try not to derail the day… just tell your husband after Xmas that you were really hurt by his behaviour. But don’t judge him until you know for sure x

If you haven't given him his card yet how do you know he hasn't bought you one? Did he tell you that? Any chance he has one or plans to buy but not actually given yet? He doesn't yet have a Daddy card despite you thinking it's very late to be receiving a card.

I'm a bit speechless. Why would anyone expect a Christmas card from a baby? Lying awake for two hours being upset over something like that is complete madness. I can understand it to a point if you were a bit sad that your husband hadn't made sure a four year old had got you a card, but a baby won't have any idea that it's Christmas! Apart from that, there are still four shopping days left before Christmas. This is one of the most bizarre things I've ever read, even in Mumsnet. 😆😆😆

When you love someone you should want to do things that make them happy even if it doesn't matter to you or be something you'd want to do it. It is the why he doesn't want to do such a simple and easy thing to make the woman who literally grew his child happy.

OP I would give him his card. He has probably just forgotten. It's not perfect but it doesn't mean he doesn't care. Try not to upset yourself. It seems big now but it won't matter as much in the future.

Lots of women aren't bothered about stuff like that either, to be fair.

We exchange ours on Christmas Day.

Get one yourself and trace your baby’s little hand on it or a little paint print. When you look at it in 10 yrs time you won’t remember who bought it you’ll remember creating it with your baby.

Yes, same here. I wanted a £5 travel mug from Asda for my 1st mothers Day. It had a mug slogan on. My dh didn't get me anything. I'd been through a lot having our child. He drove to pick me up from a hen weekend on the actual day (2 hour drive-not planned originally), and said that was my present. So basically, he'd got me nothing, with or without the lift. I was really, really hurt. Remind him if it's important to you.

Because it’s acknowledging the OP being a mum for the first time, at a time when being a mum is really hard. It also means a lot to her, so that’s the point.
i totally get this OP, honestly in a few years none of this will matter but right now I understand why you’re upset. Agree with others, tell him it’s what you’d like and hopefully you’ll get one. Enjoy your first Christmas with baby X

He still has time. If you live together maybe he's planning to give you a card on Christmas Day. It's not like it needs posting.

However, and I mean this kindly, if you are going to expect things like this throughout your daughter's childhood and feel silently sad if your husband doesn't proactively do them, you're setting him up to fail and yourself up to be unhappy.

Also, mums' bodies go through a lot to produce a baby and dads don't. Little gestures like this are an unspoken acknowledgement from the dad of that. It's about showing they appreciate what you've been through, what you've had to take for the team

Then he gets a lovely wife/fiance/girlfriend card for her?

Because it does seem strange that it's such an upsetting issue that she's lost sleep over it. People are trying to unpick it for her so that she can deal with whatever is going on.