No Christmas card from my baby

[mumtoababygirl]

This year is my first Christmas as a Mum. It took us over a decade to have our baby. I asked my DH back in November if he was going to get me a Christmas card from the baby, he said yes.

I know it’s silly and I know it’s not really from her, but I just would love something that said Mum on it.

He hasn’t got me one.

I’ve been laid here awake for the best part of two hours being so upset about it. I’ve come to the conclusion that he just doesn’t care about me. I’m not asking for a special, custom card from Etsy, just to pop into Tesco (which he passes) on his way home from work. He knows how much I would love it and it would mean to me.

AIBU to be so upset? It’s just a card and not even actually from my baby?

Just go easy. I don’t mean to be patronising but you’ve recently had a baby, everything has changed and that often takes its toll on your relationship, and I know a lot of women feel that their partner doesn’t pull their weight with the baby as much as they should…..note all the posts about the mental load falling on women.

Whats more important to you? A card from your baby or actually just enjoying Xmas as a family with a new baby?! If you’re going to blow up over this or get moody about it you might end up ruining your baby’s first xmas, your Xmas and have unhappy memories of it.

A card is NOT important. A happy, loving Christmas is and just because he’s a bit thoughtless doesn’t make him a bad person who doesn’t love you.

She hasn't asked him, she says she doesn't want to have to remind him.

I think the OP expected baby's card before Christmas so is assuming that because she has not had it yet, she won't be getting one.

Yanbu, stuff like this is important to me too x

You have the baby, you don't need the card.

@mumtoababygirl

You do realise that you do have a piece of paper with Mother on it, and your name and the baby's name -

her birth certificate.

It might sound stupid but I got myself cards from my Dogs and still have them and get them out each year as they are stored with Christmas decorations. The dogs are long passed but I have my 2008 Dog card and 2018 Dog card... they have pics of them in in front of fireplace on them and its so lovely to come across them each year. What I'm trying to say is get yourself a card from Baby! I also keep the cards my son has got me... he's 37 now but doesn't always remembered... and I keep these as well and get my favourites out each year. Some of my family have alzheimer's so I also keep elderly family cards and get those out too. It makes me remember them at Christmas so go for it OP, don't wait for someone else to do it and have a wonderful first Mum Christmas xx

You might want to sort expectation before you get married.

You haven't got daddy a card from the baby, and yet you are complaining because your dh hasn't got you a mummy card!
You are being a massive hypocrite!

She has; hasn't given it yet.

Which could be the same as what he's done, because she hasn't asked him if he's remembered just assumed he's not done it.

A few people in the thread have asked her if she is certain he hasn't bought one. She hasn't answered that question.

"How shallow"?! What about HOW CRUEL is that comment?!

OP Im really surprised at these replies, i totally get where you're coming from. My family always does soppy cards with names on them like mum or granddaughter or whatever and you TOLD him you wanted one. You're allowed to want what you want, thats your own business! Its that he has disregarded that which makes it hurtful. Absolutely reasonable!

Er - expect better from someone who is supposed to care about your happiness even if that item doesnt mean anything to him?! Jeez i feel like im trippin here

Could be. I was only pointing out the error in the post I quoted.

I genuinely don't understand people who just accept being treated badly.

Yes in this instance it's "just a card", but if I have told DH something means a lot to me, no matter what it is or whether he sees the same importance, he does it. Same as I would for him.

On the other hand, OP doesn't know he hasn't done it, she just knows he's not given her a card saying "mum" yet. She hasn't asked, hasn't reminded, is just upset that something she mentioned over a month ago hasn't materialised. I'm also a big advocate of being very clear on what you want and how you want it to happen, rather than being disappointed that things haven't gone to the plan in your head.

My Mum used to do things like this for me, as ex was useless. He might still get you a card though.

Yes in the kindest way this is ridiculous. If it were Mother’s Day you’d have a point but this is no big deal. Be kind to yourself though early days with a baby are so overwhelming in many ways

OP, give him your card and see what his reaction is. Tbh he might have forgotten to get you a card because he was busy getting you something else personalised with "mum" on it. You really don't know. I think you're jumping to conclusions a bit too quickly. See how it plays out

Gosh I never do. I would see it as a complete waste of paper. I just write their name on the present.

She probably hasn't answered because some of the replies have been pretty sneery and mean, and missing the point.

But it's not missing the point if he has got one and just not handed it over yet. Because if he's done exactly the same thing she has, and what she's asked for, then she is genuinely upset over nothing.

If he hasn't bought one, then whatever anyone thinks of the need for a card, he's not paid attention to something she's said means a lot to her and that's different.

But if she doesn't know he hasn't bought one, how can she be upset that he hasn't listened to her? He might have.

I wouldn't come back and answer anyone's questions if I'd been called stupid, silly, shallow and ridiculous either. I don't blame the Op.

He probably doesn't see the point. I don't blame him.

There are far more important things for a father to be doing such as providing a safe and loving home for his family. As long as he is doing that, it seems a bit petty and self-indulgent to be getting upset about the absence of a cheap bit of card on the mantlepiece which means absolutely nothing to a baby.

One day your daughter will be able to write you a card herself and it will mean something. If in the meantime it's important to you to have a card with "Mummy" on it on the mantlepiece, the easiest thing is to buy one yourself. It will be no more and no less from your baby than if your husband bought it.

There are far more important things to focus on than receiving a Christmas card from a baby who doesn’t even care.

we

It took me and my husband 7 years to have our baby. If I’ve learnt anything about it, if he didn’t really care he wouldn’t have stuck through it. Perhaps perspective and being proud of what you’ve done together would be a better way to think. Infertility is hard. Achieving your dream of having a baby is sooo much more rewarding than a card.

Understanding what you went through, I honestly wouldn’t care if my husband didn’t get me anything at all this year. Even though it was hard and neither of us were perfect, by battling through it with me - he’s given me the greatest gift. I’m sorry if he doesn’t get you a card, but in a week or two it would be recycled or atticked. It means nothing compared to what you have. I hope you have a wonderful first Christmas as a family.

(This is coming from a ftm who today announced to her husband she was never baking again and he could get his bread and cakes from Lidl until the end of time. He looked very sad 😂 Juggling a new born and the first Christmas is bloody hard!!)