No Christmas card from my baby

[mumtoababygirl]

This year is my first Christmas as a Mum. It took us over a decade to have our baby. I asked my DH back in November if he was going to get me a Christmas card from the baby, he said yes.

I know it’s silly and I know it’s not really from her, but I just would love something that said Mum on it.

He hasn’t got me one.

I’ve been laid here awake for the best part of two hours being so upset about it. I’ve come to the conclusion that he just doesn’t care about me. I’m not asking for a special, custom card from Etsy, just to pop into Tesco (which he passes) on his way home from work. He knows how much I would love it and it would mean to me.

AIBU to be so upset? It’s just a card and not even actually from my baby?

I think you need to think what this is really about. I also took a long time and a lot of heartbreak to have a baby and at times clung onto the things I could control as I'd felt so out of control about my body for so long and now dd was here I wanted to be perfect. It took me until dd was 2 to give up my impossible dream and accept that building a strong and loving relationship meant being myself and apologising to dd when I got it wrong. She's now a teen and we are very close. It'll be ok op, with or without a card but I really recommend trying to gently challenge yourself about this as it may give you more long term happiness than a card can

I know lots of people think this is silly, but I completely get why you’re upset. This is also my first Christmas as a mum and if my “baby” doesn’t get me something to mark it, I’ll be upset - not because I think it’s really anything to do with her, but because it’s a way of my husband showing that he appreciates everything I do for her. But then we’re a daft household that also writes cards to and from the cat, so maybe we’re not the best to give a balanced perspective.

As someone who understands, though, remind your husband and let him know why it’s important to you. If he doesn’t get it, he’ll just think you’re being silly. If he realises it’s actually something that reflects how you see his feelings for you, he might realise that it is more than just a card.

How do you know he hasn't got one? Has he said he's not going to and that's that? If so why don't you ask him again and say it really matters to you. Ask him why isn't he going to get one and remind him that he agreed to this. You need to have a conversation about it. Tell him how you feel this morning and take it from there.

I haven’t given him his yet, no. I have it but I just feel so stupid.

I suppose I want him to care, I want him to care that this is important to me.

I feel like if I remind him, then he probably would go out and get me one but what’s the point if I had to beg for one, I could buy my own but again I’d just think that was a bit sad.

I’m surprised so many of you give them so late, we take our decorations down quite early though.

I’ll try to get a grip. I know they will mean so much more when they’re actually coming from her.

You’re not being unreasonable and it’s nothing to do with social media. My oldest is 25 and we did this for each other when she was a baby,

The card may seem daft to some people but for you it’s marking an important event in your life, your first Christmas as a mum. And it hurts that despite telling him it matters to you he couldn’t take five minutes to sort it. It’s really not a big request to make.

It doesn’t matter how good a dad he is. He’s supposed to be a good dad. That’s a minimum not something to let him off paying attention to your relationship.

I would be really hurt too if it mattered and I told him and he ignored me. It’s the little things that show you how valued you are by someone to me. Massive hugs and congratulations on your lovely baby, I don’t know if it’s worth telling him again how much it means to you. If he’s dismissive it tells you a lot.

As a parent- you have to remember that what is important to you may not be important to him.

If you’ve already got him a card, and you would normally hand out cards this week then give it to him. Or leave it in the baby’s cot for him to find.

If you now don’t want to remind him, there isn’t really a lot you can do!

Exactly, especially if DH won't sort it unless he's told to do it and constantly reminded. If he does sort a card after all this, the sentiment behind it is 'I've got you this so you won't moan at me', rather than his motivation being that he thinks of your feelings, knows it's important to you and gets you a card because he loves you and wants you to feel loved/special/appreciated.

It’s not Christmas yet.

Do you think the Christmas card is a red herring and actually you're upset about something else? Does he do his equal share of parenting? Does he show you on a daily basis that he respects your role as a mother?

On the surface it is a bit silly and when they come home from preschool with a card full of glitter and a vague representation of their name inside, that's the start of the special stuff.

May I say -''Grow up'' ??

As others have pointed out, once she starts nursery you will be inundated with cards and pictures. The fact that you had to ask him doesn't mean he cares less - it's just not on everyone's radar to buy things from 'baby'.
I didn't get a Mothers Day card until my first DD started pre-school. Don't sweat the small stuff.

I do understand why you want this and how hurtful it is your DH isn't more thoughtful. But do t let it ruin this magical time for you.

The magic of that first Christmas isn't getting a card from your baby, it's being with your baby. Waking with her on Christmas Day. Try to enjoy the Christmas moments you and your baby have together. My dd was a long wanted ivf baby and I remember holding her by the tree that first time, showing her all the pretty lights and decorations. Buying her first gifts, her first Christmas outfit. Taking her to my family on Christmas Day and everyone fussing over her. Try to focus on being with her in the Christmas spirit rather than a card you DH pretends is from her.
Those cards you get made by her and written from the heart to mummy as she grows up are priceless.

Why don’t you write yourself a card that will remain for the baby when s/he’s older? So she will appreciate what you felt this Christmas meant? Your husband might not be understanding how important it is to you, and you think it’s sad to buy and write one to yourself, so how about you write one to the baby?

I'd maybe try to examine why this in particular means so much to you. You have your baby. Enjoy your baby.

Kindly, you need to get a grip. If it’s that important buy one yourself. You know it’s not from the baby really anyway so what does it matter.

My DH has been the best possible father for over 20 years but this sort of thing is not his vibe. So if something like this, is important to me or the girls, then I ask for it. There is no point in stewing over something that just wouldn’t occur to the dear, dear man.

It means so much to me because I just want to see Mum written on something for me after all these years

Just say today "when do you want to exchange cards from each other and the baby?"

Absolutely brilliant post (it brought tears to my eyes - I could just imagine your baby's bright eyes, wide with wonder, as you showed her the Christmas tree 😍). I do hope your post brings a sense of perspective to OP about what's really important in life.
Merry Christmas to you and your family and a peaceful New Year. 🤗

Sorry but I think is weird. It must be new because when my kids were babies no one did this .

My DCs are adults now and the best cards I had were ones they had made themselves once they understood what they were doing.

I'm sorry you took so long to conceive but in all honesty getting upset over a card is just daft. It's meaningless because it's not from your baby.

Presumably your DD was born after Mothering Sunday this year? Just wait until your first one when it’s appropriate to be given a thing with mum on.

I’ve never understood the point of giving Christmas cards to people you live with, even when you can write.

It's written in your heart and dna, but if it's honestly what you need please just speak to your partner and remind him.

I’m surprised so many of you give them so late

But you haven't given your DH his yet?

Give him his, and hopefully it will either result in him getting one out for you (I mean, maybe he actually has got you one and you just don't know), or it will remind him to go and buy you one.

If he is kind, considerate, loving and good dad the rest of the time, then I don't think you can read into one card. And I think it's slightly unreasonable to conclude that he therefore doesn't care about you. We've never done cards from the DC but if I asked for one, DH probably would (possibly with a slight internal eye roll) but also he might end up forgetting it because of everything else to sort for Christmas (and he really does sort half for Christmas). If your DH doesn't buy any presents except for something for you, you've bought all DC presents, plus presents for in-laws, and all you've asked for is a card, then yeah it's a bit lazy.

No different from me sending you a card and writing with love from Brad Pitt! Utterly meaningless and a lie.

A Christmas card from your baby? Surely this isn't actually a thing?
No wonder some folk are always disappointed about something - unreal expectations.