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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

No Christmas card from my baby

528 replies

mumtoababygirl · 21/12/2024 06:01

This year is my first Christmas as a Mum. It took us over a decade to have our baby. I asked my DH back in November if he was going to get me a Christmas card from the baby, he said yes.

I know it’s silly and I know it’s not really from her, but I just would love something that said Mum on it.

He hasn’t got me one.

I’ve been laid here awake for the best part of two hours being so upset about it. I’ve come to the conclusion that he just doesn’t care about me. I’m not asking for a special, custom card from Etsy, just to pop into Tesco (which he passes) on his way home from work. He knows how much I would love it and it would mean to me.

AIBU to be so upset? It’s just a card and not even actually from my baby?

OP posts:
JuliaSmith · 21/12/2024 07:00

mumtoababygirl · 21/12/2024 06:53

It means so much to me because I just want to see Mum written on something for me after all these years

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If it matters that much write one to yourself.

Your baby is living proof you are a mum.

Why on earth do you need a card?

Enjoy your baby and stop being hung up on a bloody card. It's meaningless.

Maybe give a thought to all the women who can't have a child - even after 10 years of trying- and be thankful you have a baby now.

shakeitoffsis · 21/12/2024 07:00

I'm sorry but you're being really daft. Crying over not receiving a card yet you haven't even give one yourself?
Make it make sense.

GeorgeMichaelsCat · 21/12/2024 07:00

mumtoababygirl · 21/12/2024 06:53

It means so much to me because I just want to see Mum written on something for me after all these years

Show quote history

Then tell him that. He may not know how much it means to you.

AngelicKaty · 21/12/2024 07:01

mumtoababygirl · 21/12/2024 06:53

It means so much to me because I just want to see Mum written on something for me after all these years

Show quote history

" ... because I just want to see Mum written on something ...". Then buy a card, or indeed anything else with the word "Mum" written on it, for yourself. If your DH is a good husband and father in all other respects, this is not a hill worth dying on.

PurpleDiva22 · 21/12/2024 07:02

I haven’t given him his yet, no. I have it but I just feel so stupid.

What? You should feel stupid because this is stupid. You are upset somebody hasn't given you a card from a person who can't read, write or express feelings yet, while you also haven't given your card. And you have spent 2 hours awake worrying about it? 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

Cantsleepwithoutlisteningtoabook · 21/12/2024 07:02

I understand.

I keep the most sentimental greetings cards (e.g. first Mother’s Day or first Christmas as a mum or wife (instead of fiancé)).

My DH wouldn’t even think about it, it’s just not his thing at all. He won’t get me a card from him or the kids. I wish he thought about me in that way, it upsets me land it means nothing if I have to remind him! So I don’t.

So I do get it (used to get very sad about it actually!). I feel for you if this is something that is special to you and you won’t get it.

Now each ‘occasion’ the kids sit with me and we have a lovely time making a picture together which we put my name on and I keep. Fulfils my own sentimental needs, I love the time with the kids and the sadness at my DH for not being on the same page is gone.

(FWIW, one of the kids is only 1, they still splodged a bit of paint on some paper this year, it’s no work of art but it’s from our time together so it’s special).

ueberlin2030 · 21/12/2024 07:02

mumtoababygirl · 21/12/2024 06:53

It means so much to me because I just want to see Mum written on something for me after all these years

Show quote history

That will happen, once she can write (or attempt to write) it.

bakewellbride · 21/12/2024 07:02

Make a salt dough decoration with the baby's hand print and be happy with that instead.

Original poster
mumtoababygirl · 21/12/2024 07:04

Of course it doesn’t take away from enjoying my baby over Christmas, I’m so grateful for her and I love her so much.

I just would love to see a card on the mantelpiece that was for me that said Mum on it.

DH knows I wanted one, he knows it would mean a lot to me. Does it matter if cards aren’t important to him if he knows it is to me, and it would only take him 15 minutes of effort and cost £3?

OP posts:
TempuraCustard · 21/12/2024 07:04

mumtoababygirl · 21/12/2024 06:53

It means so much to me because I just want to see Mum written on something for me after all these years

Show quote history

I get it

JuliaSmith · 21/12/2024 07:05

Did you not get cards from people when your baby was born with 'Mum' on them?

You don't need a card to say you're a Mum.

Your child will give you cards when they are old enough to understand what they're doing.

If you're going to create issues like this already around your family, you are going to find the next 18 years very hard .

AwakeNotThruChoice · 21/12/2024 07:05

@mumtoababygirl Then your best bet is to give him his asap. So he has time to potentially get you one.

PurpleDiva22 · 21/12/2024 07:06

mumtoababygirl · 21/12/2024 07:04

Of course it doesn’t take away from enjoying my baby over Christmas, I’m so grateful for her and I love her so much.

I just would love to see a card on the mantelpiece that was for me that said Mum on it.

DH knows I wanted one, he knows it would mean a lot to me. Does it matter if cards aren’t important to him if he knows it is to me, and it would only take him 15 minutes of effort and cost £3?

You haven't given your card to him yet! Christmas hasn't happened yet! Why are you worrying about this on the 21st of December? And why are you so sure he hasn't got one and isn't just waiting until Christmas Day to give it?

AwakeNotThruChoice · 21/12/2024 07:06

@mumtoababygirl Then your best bet is to give him his asap. So he has time to potentially get you one.

NestaArcheron · 21/12/2024 07:06

Christ the vipers are out in force today aren't they!

Op, please ignore the horrible comments.
I think you are placing a lot of importance on a card that in the long run isn't that important, however, what might be a really nice thing to do is go to the local garden centre together. The light displays are usually beautiful, and they also normally have tree decorations with names or "mum", "dad" etc. Choosing those together and putting them on the tree would be a special memory for you, and then the mum bauble could be used yearly and you'd actually get to see it every year whereas the card will go in a memory box/drawer.

I hope you have a magical first Christmas with your baby ❤️

JuliaSmith · 21/12/2024 07:06

I just would love to see a card on the mantelpiece that was for me that said Mum on it.

How shallow.

You know you are a Mum.

Why does a £3 card 'prove it'.

NestaArcheron · 21/12/2024 07:08

JuliaSmith · 21/12/2024 07:06

I just would love to see a card on the mantelpiece that was for me that said Mum on it.

How shallow.

You know you are a Mum.

Why does a £3 card 'prove it'.

It's not shallow - it's an emotionally drained new mum who struggled with getting pregnant for years. Have a bit of empathy and stop being horrible on the internet just because you can.

Jabbabong · 21/12/2024 07:08

Why would your baby send you a Christmas card? They can't write.

RedHelenB · 21/12/2024 07:08

Rainallnight · 21/12/2024 06:04

Kindly, I think you are being unreasonable. But if this is important to you, then just remind him.

This. The precious times , that come from your baby, are yet to come, the first time they write mummy, the first drawing they do for you, the first kiss, the first flowers picked etc etc

Nevervisible · 21/12/2024 07:08

I understand it's important to you.
But how do you know he hasn't remembered?
You haven't given him his card from baby yet.
Our tradition was always to put the cards between immediate family members under the tree to open on Christmas day. My son and I still do that even though he is an adult and my husband is long dead.

HarlanPepper · 21/12/2024 07:09

I read your OP and did a little eyeroll, but the sniping responses you've had have actually changed my mind! This wouldn't be at all important to me but it clearly is to you, which you've explained to your husband so I can see why you're upset. Just give him his card, hopefully that will jog his memory.

flutterby1 · 21/12/2024 07:10

This issue is solely about your partner's appreciation of you and nothing to do with receiving a ' card from the baby'

You're asking for acknowledgment, so maybe you need a conversation about that instead.

Topjoe19 · 21/12/2024 07:12

I assumed my DH would get me one on the first Christmas after our DC1 was born. But Christmas eve night I mentioned it & he hadn't got me one, I was so disappointed! He's never forgotten since. I get it OP. Tell him again how important it is to you & give him a chance to make it right. There's still time before Christmas. Ps I give family cards on Christmas day so perhaps he has one to give you then.

ueberlin2030 · 21/12/2024 07:12

HarlanPepper · 21/12/2024 07:09

I read your OP and did a little eyeroll, but the sniping responses you've had have actually changed my mind! This wouldn't be at all important to me but it clearly is to you, which you've explained to your husband so I can see why you're upset. Just give him his card, hopefully that will jog his memory.

This doesn't make sense. OP cannot decide that her partner must do something just because 'it's important to her'. She needs to ask why she's so unhealthily obsessed with this one thing. She IS a mum and a card or lack of won't change that.

ThatKhakiMoose · 21/12/2024 07:14

Ah, OP. You mentioned it once and he probably took it as a passing comment and has probably forgotten it was ever said. If he knew that it would mean a lot to you to have a card with Mum on it and that it's important to you to have that this Christmas, I'm sure he'd get you one! Unless you communicated clearly to him that this is important to you, I don't think I'd blame him. Can you get your mum or his to whisper in his shell-like? Yes, I know you could tell him yourself, but this way it keeps the illusion!