No Christmas card from my baby

[mumtoababygirl]

This year is my first Christmas as a Mum. It took us over a decade to have our baby. I asked my DH back in November if he was going to get me a Christmas card from the baby, he said yes.

I know it’s silly and I know it’s not really from her, but I just would love something that said Mum on it.

He hasn’t got me one.

I’ve been laid here awake for the best part of two hours being so upset about it. I’ve come to the conclusion that he just doesn’t care about me. I’m not asking for a special, custom card from Etsy, just to pop into Tesco (which he passes) on his way home from work. He knows how much I would love it and it would mean to me.

AIBU to be so upset? It’s just a card and not even actually from my baby?

As someone who went through years of IVF, I get this. Like completely get it. To some it might seem to only a card, but I can understand that it signifies so much more. When I was going through IVF and trying for my baby there were so many things I thought I'd never ever get to experience. For the big things, to the little things, like getting a Christmas card on it that says mummy. It feels big to you, so in that case it is reasonable and important.

We don't do cards or gifts until Christmas day, so there might still be one of the way. But maybe just say to DH how important it is for you, and if he doesn't oblige, then absolutely do something for you and the wee one to celebrate this important moment of your first Christmas as a mummy.

Sending you a massive hug. Take care.

I understand your feelings and you don't know if he has forgot the card yet.
If he doesn't get the card try looking at this s different way,you will have so many cards pictures and beautiful mummy moments be excited your going to be a family the card will seem unimportant in the weeks and months to come ❤️

It's your hormones

Try not to get upset about nothing

Sorry but I think you are being ridiculous. Sometimes the silly things people worry about make me wonder.

I completely understand where you are coming from as this is also my first Xmas with a very much wanted baby. However, I’ve never thought about receiving a card from her. I’ve been focused on making first memories with her like seeing all the nice lights, seeing santa, having some parties with her little friends etc I would much rather have the memories of those lovely things than a card from her.

I’m sure you’re doing these things anyway but maybe your husband is planning on giving you the card along with a gift from her on the 25th as he also wants to enjoy this very special time as a family of 3 at Xmas.

I hope you all have a fantastic day on the 25th and enjoy making memories.

Act like a grown up and just mention it to him if it’s really that big a deal. Frankly I’m sure he’s got more important things to deal with but there you go.

Sorry you feel sad and disappointed - Christmas can be an emotional time but in the big sphere of things is a card really that important to you? My friend is going to her husband’s funeral tomorrow - she has a 2y and 5y old - her husband died of pancreatic cancer and she is utterly heartbroken. Perhaps have a think about what really matters to you and focus / be grateful for what you have?

For the people that are calling you daft or silly for worrying about such a thing! I actually think your well within your right to feel the way you do! It isn’t much effort or much of a thought! I think the first of everything with a baby is very special! Maybe mention it again or mention it to a family member that may do something special for you! But there is still hope and time! Fingers crossed!!

OP, I’m with you. There is a chance he has got you a card but let’s suppose he hasn’t. It doesn’t matter whether it’s important to him or not. It’s important to YOU. If I only ever did what was important to me, DH wouldn’t have 99% of the things he has!. For example, He wouldn’t get lifts late at night so he can have a drink, when I’d rather be tucked up in bed. I do and buy things for him that I know will make him happy and that makes me happy. You discussed it, he knew it was important to you so he should have put a reminder in his ‘to do’ list like a responsible grown up. You are not responsible for reminding him. I agree, if you have to do that, then the card doesn’t have the same meaning for you.

Fingers crossed OP that he surprises you.

Tell him that you have been extremely upset after you expressed how much this would mean to you. Is it possible he's planning to give you a card on Christmas Day?

instead of worrying about a card, focus on the fact that after so long trying for a baby you now have one and enjoy him/her

Only read OP's posts. How do you know he hasn't got you one from your baby?
It's only the 22nd.

🤞 he has something organised for Xmas day

We do family cards on Christmas day. How do you know he hasn't got one?

Just have a quick conversation along the lines of "shall we do baby's name cards on Christmas morning?"

End of drama

I understand exactly what you mean. It's not that it's a card from your baby, but an acknowledgement that you are a mother after trying for so hard for so long and having so many disappointments. It's his ackno of this and a joint celebration of it. Is it possible he has bought you a mum gift for Christmas day?

If it was me I would buy it myself, but I am very interested to know why you need it to come from your DH. I think that is the key to this.

I haven't read all the comments but most are YABU, which I disagree with. Cards mean a lot to me so I expected my husband to get one from our baby last year, which he did. This year he made me a homemade one with our toddler's footprints. Cards are literally the only thing I'm sentimental about.
So imo YANBU.

Get used to it, I’m waiting for a card from mine, and he’s 53.

Do they even do “First Christmas as a Mum” cards? I know they do “First Mother’s Day” ones and I was very grateful my parents got me one of those (long awaited IVF baby as a SMBC) but it would never had occurred to me to ask them to get me one from my baby at Christmas or even for my birthday - as imo Mother’s Day is the expected celebration of you being a parent.

Anyway, I guess YANBU since you have asked him - but I’d definitely give him a reminder as I don’t think it’s the sort of thing that’s on most people’s radar and is easy to forget; he may be focused on getting you a present “from” the baby instead, as presents “from” young kids to their parents at Christmas (bought by the DH/DW) seem much more commonplace imo.

I said you are not being unreasonable. But men are idiots sometimes- mine introduced my second baby to my firstborn without me being present (was zonked out after a long labour, sleeping and my friend came over with our daughter to meet our son, they decided to go ahead without me). He also didn’t wake me up for his first Xmas morning and I woke up in the morning of the 25th, having had a long work day the previous day (24th) to find my two kids had opened all their presents! Lastly, I explicitly told him which bracelet I wanted for my birthday (we don’t usually buy gifts but I really wanted this one), but he got me a necklace from a different brand instead. Probably because it was cheaper.

Not trying to hijack your feed but hopefully those examples make you feel a bit less sh*t about your partner. Those things deeply mattered to me, as does this card to you. You are not unreasonable to be upset, you have every right to be upset, but try not to ruminate on it. Try to talk it through and express your hurt to him in a way he can understand, and then try to move on!

I hope you enjoy your first Christmas with your precious baby. How wonderful. ♥️

We’ve really hit a new low when taking five minutes to buy a card is an unreasonable expectation ffs.

It doesn’t matter that it’s not important to others, and it certainly doesn’t matter that anyone’s been ‘alive for five decades and never heard of this’, it matters that you’ve hung on to an idea that matters to you through a time when you thought you might not get the outcome you desperately wanted.

I get it. It matters to YOU and that’s enough. It should be enough for your husband. I’d explain to him why it matters bc perhaps he’s like so many posters here and is not yet evolved enough to accept that something that doesn’t matter to him may matter to someone else and it’s well within his powers to make that thing happen. Explain it and let him start down the path of doing small things that mean a lot to others you love even if they don’t mean a lot to you.

You’re new parents and therefor shattered, just remind him, some people this means a lot, others not so much. There’s still time.

congrats too.

Good grief, some people are really vicious arseholes on this thread - it's fine to have a different opinion to the OP on cards from babies, but some people's responses...bloody hell, I swear they just respond to see how nasty and thoughtless they can be...

OP - I get it. I've also waited a long time for my baby and yes, it does feel important to see something for you addressed to 'mum' (and no, I didn't get anything with 'mum' on when they came home, I didn't get anything at all - it was all for them). Remind him if you think it's worth it, but otherwise find yourself a nice 'first Christmas as mummy' type decoration online, it's what I'm probably going to end up doing!

Honestly, men are rubbish. They don't get the sentimental things that mean the world to us. They don't get hints or when we go round the houses about what we want. Just give him his card and say I know you might have forgotten to get mine with how busy you've been (therefore not blaming him) but you've still got chance and I would really love it especially as its the first. I run a rule of 1, if younwant something or are doing something remind him 1 month before, 1 week before, 1 day before and 1 hour before (last one if needed). Most men don't mean ro be rubbish but because of our different levels of importance on things they forget. Just remind him, if he has one you will be elated and if he's forgot he will be happy you reminded him. Or leave the card out for him to find and then its a reminder without the verbal reminder. Either way I hope you get the card and enjoy seeing those 5 letters x

@mumtoababygirl

Gently, that sounds rather self-centred. You mentioned to your dh you wanted that. As far as you know he hasn't done it. Unless there are other issues with him/your marriage, then let it go. It sounds like you have a self-esteem/confidence issue and that your dh is not as romantic/sentimental as you would like.

awake for the best part of two hours being so upset about it. I’ve come to the conclusion that he just doesn’t care about me

This is really troubling. For example, it's my (rainbow) baby's first Christmas and it's all about baby. At the very least please try to adjust your perspective, but perhaps therapy would be appropriate. Your comment about thinking about your baby giving you cards one day emphasizing mum leads me to wonder what kind of expectation you have to be adored and needed. 🤔