No Christmas card from my baby

[mumtoababygirl]

This year is my first Christmas as a Mum. It took us over a decade to have our baby. I asked my DH back in November if he was going to get me a Christmas card from the baby, he said yes.

I know it’s silly and I know it’s not really from her, but I just would love something that said Mum on it.

He hasn’t got me one.

I’ve been laid here awake for the best part of two hours being so upset about it. I’ve come to the conclusion that he just doesn’t care about me. I’m not asking for a special, custom card from Etsy, just to pop into Tesco (which he passes) on his way home from work. He knows how much I would love it and it would mean to me.

AIBU to be so upset? It’s just a card and not even actually from my baby?

Helicopter mother alert

Give him his now (if you haven’t).
He may well have something anyway but this will be a nudge before it becomes even more of a problem.

My husband is still horrendous at remembering things like this, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t care.

However your reaction seems disproportionate which makes me wonder why. There are so many possibilities for this such as hormones or relationship issues (or you are just high maintenance) We don’t know this but I hope you have family and friends around you 🌺

Problem is he's a guy so even when you asked him to do this it won't have registered. He'll be doing in his brain what my DH actually puts into words "If I remember". It means that he attaches little importance to it and it's his standard get-out. It used to drive me daft but I ignore it now, what else can you do?

I think it's more because he knew you would really love one and how much it would mean and he still didn't bother his arse. I totally understand that. Yes it's a simple thing but he's well aware it's not simple to you and he's the closest person to you so you'll have made it very clear how much you wanted this. Men can be extremely self centred and thoughtless at times.

I think this is fair. If you told him you wanted one and he hasn't then I'd be annoyed. Doesn't matter if people think it's silly, that's what you wanted.
If I were you, I'd give him one 'to daddy' on Christmas Eve from your baby. Hopefully that'll kick start him and get him to remember

You're excusing your own DH's poor behaviour (doesn't attach importance to things that matter to you) down to being a man. That's sad.

But we don't actually know that he has not bothered. There are still 2 full days before Christmas and then they day itself.

So many of you have such low bars for your husbands.

I don't see it as people having a low bar for their husbands, it's just that many people honestly don't understand why the OP wants or expects a Christmas card from a newborn baby.

It was more important for me to by a baby’s first Christmas card after 7 years trying than one from him. You will have lots of first cards, Mother’s Day and birthday, they are the ones that mean the most

Granted I have only skimmed the thread, but there are more than a few saying "it's men" or "mine is the same" etc. It's important to OP and her DH said he would get a card. It's not about whether anyone thinks she should or shouldn't expect a card.

I’m in the same position, I’ve bought my fiancé one from our 11wk old son but nothing back and I found out today he hasn’t bought me anything for Xmas yet despite me sending him things after he asked over 2wk ago. I know how you feel

Why are people buying each other Christmas cards “from” a baby. Since when is this a thing ? I’ve been through infertility myself but I have to say I find the idea silly and I don’t get it at all. And I don’t know why it would keep someone awake for 2 hours either.

Would you be so dismissive of someone's feelings in person? It's important to OP.

I would actually. My aunt is currently waiting on a hospice and is too poorly to get home for Xmas. I find it ludicrous and childish to be so caught up over a card.

and as for low bar husbands , it isn’t even Xmas yet we don’t know he hasn’t purchased a card.

There are two explanations:

1.He hasn't done it, despite saying he would: or

1. He has done it, and will give it to the OP on Christmas.

I don't know why the OP, and many others, are assuming the first option. My experience is that, when family members are spending Christmas Day together, they exchange any cards (along with presents) on the day.

Edit: no idea why this forum hates numbered lists so much!

@pumpkinpillow also, to be fair I don’t think too many people would admit in real life that something so trivial kept them awake for hours. So unlikely to come up in conversation.

For that matter, why are people buying (usually expensive and definitely, more strain on the climate) Christmas cards for people they live with. I bought them for and received them from boyfriends when I was a teenager, early 20s, but for husbands and kids? Aren’t presents enough?

Nah. I understand it completely. Regardless of whether it would matter to others, it matters to you. There is still time and he you never know, he might deliver. If you think or know he’s forgot, just talk to him. Give him time to sort it rather than let it eat away at you. Then you’ll both be upset. What good will that do? I know you think that forgetting in this case means he doesn’t care - I’m sure he does care. You’re not unreasonable for your feelings. Your feelings are valid but it’s also equally important to give him a chance. Alternatively, if you don’t want to outright ask, give him his Christmas card from the baby? A gentle reminder but honestly, I’d just ask him.

Yes it is a bit sad, but I've lived with it for over 50 years, and he's not going to change now. And I see this in lots of other men too. I don't say it's right, they get away with far too much.

Buy it yourself, put her little hand and foot prints in and enjoy the memory. It doesn't matter which parent buys it and when she's big you can show her. 'I bought this and put your prints in'. She'll love it far more than 'this is the card I made your dad buy me'

Why would you want a Christmas card 'from' the baby? It's clearly not from him/her so what is the meaning behind it? Why can't you just enjoy your first Christmas with your little one without complicating it? I can't understand your point of view but it's even worse given how long it took you to have this precious little one. Focus on what matters.

I know but OP said he hadn't gotten it so i assumed she'd asked him already.

Surely you exchange cards with people you live with on Christmas Day, with presents?

My family have never sent each other Christmas cards, so I would never expect one from a baby, or my husband or even children. I send cards to family members that I don't live with though.
I know other people are different though, my sister in law's family send each other those special Christmas cards.
If it's important to you, ask your husband to get you one from your baby. Perhaps he could dip the baby's foot in paint and use that to make a reindeer or something like that.