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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

No Christmas card from my baby

528 replies

mumtoababygirl · 21/12/2024 06:01

This year is my first Christmas as a Mum. It took us over a decade to have our baby. I asked my DH back in November if he was going to get me a Christmas card from the baby, he said yes.

I know it’s silly and I know it’s not really from her, but I just would love something that said Mum on it.

He hasn’t got me one.

I’ve been laid here awake for the best part of two hours being so upset about it. I’ve come to the conclusion that he just doesn’t care about me. I’m not asking for a special, custom card from Etsy, just to pop into Tesco (which he passes) on his way home from work. He knows how much I would love it and it would mean to me.

AIBU to be so upset? It’s just a card and not even actually from my baby?

OP posts:
Mumwithbaggage · 22/12/2024 18:28

Apart from the fact I think Christmas cards are an utter waste of time and money, why on earth would you want a card from a child too young to know what it's about? And why on earth send cards to people who you see and speak to on a regular basis? YABU.

ConstanceM · 22/12/2024 18:29

Mercedes45 · 21/12/2024 06:03

There is still time. Remind him

What's the point now? She might as well write it herself. He forgot, and now she has to ask, then he writes it in front of her. What's a futile exercise..

Fontofallknowledge23 · 22/12/2024 18:31

What a strange request. Honestly not sure what this is about. If he got you one he should get one from you too. Wait til your baby is a teen and you’ll barely get a hello 🤣🤣🤣

vdbfamily · 22/12/2024 18:32

I am well into my 5th decade and have literally never heard of this as a thing. Personally I would only send cards to people I have not seen and wished a Happy Christmas to. It is lively when kids get big enough to make funny little cards at nursery/ pre school and they are special as they have been involved in the process and are excited to give them to you. I think UABVU!

StrikeForever · 22/12/2024 18:34

Rainallnight · 21/12/2024 06:04

Kindly, I think you are being unreasonable. But if this is important to you, then just remind him.

This 👆

CRD67 · 22/12/2024 18:37

Tell him. I'm a bloke and I know at times we can be a bit unknowingly thoughtless. If it were me I'd be upset to know I'd let my other half down. If he's a good partner and father in every other way tell the berk. 😁

H0210zero · 22/12/2024 18:40

How do you know he hasn't got you one. You have just said you have one for him but haven't given him it yet. Maybe he has done the same. If he hasn't then so what it's a bit of card if it's so special remind him.

morningtoncrescent62 · 22/12/2024 18:42

You're being unreasonable in the strict sense of the word. Your desire for a card from your baby, and you're upset with your DH for not getting you one, aren't coming from a place of reason but emotion. That's understandable. But if you really want the card, remind your DH. He probably has no idea it means so much to you. You'll look back at this and laugh eventually, but I get that it's no joke right now.

Jellybeanz456 · 22/12/2024 18:42

It's not from the baby so makes no difference who buys it go buy yaself one.

IgoogledYOLO · 22/12/2024 18:42

Op, I hope he comes through for you. He probably doesn't get how much it is important to you and won't be hurting you on purpose.

Please, make sure you speak to him clearly before mother's day and, if you can, to a friend who can steer him in the right direction.
I am a voice of experience on this one. I care/hubby doesn't and I'm in tears every year (eldest is 3 so hasn't been able to take over yet).

Thisismetooaswell · 22/12/2024 18:51

I completely get it. I didn't get a 'mummy' card for my birthday the first year I was one, and I was so upset. Husband went out the next day and got a card - and when I opened it, he'd bought a 'sorry' card. So i was upset all over again. However, we don't do family cards til christmas day so there's time for you to spell it out for him

Mumoftwoandcats · 22/12/2024 18:51

I would buy him a Daddy card from your baby, it’s probably slipped his mind, or maybe he’s waiting for Christmas Day? Either way, that would remind him x

worcesterpear · 22/12/2024 18:52

Is it possible your partner has some level of demand avoidance? The more he senses the pressure from you to do a certain thing, the more he avoids the demand.

Resilienceisimportant · 22/12/2024 18:52

mumtoababygirl · 21/12/2024 06:01

This year is my first Christmas as a Mum. It took us over a decade to have our baby. I asked my DH back in November if he was going to get me a Christmas card from the baby, he said yes.

I know it’s silly and I know it’s not really from her, but I just would love something that said Mum on it.

He hasn’t got me one.

I’ve been laid here awake for the best part of two hours being so upset about it. I’ve come to the conclusion that he just doesn’t care about me. I’m not asking for a special, custom card from Etsy, just to pop into Tesco (which he passes) on his way home from work. He knows how much I would love it and it would mean to me.

AIBU to be so upset? It’s just a card and not even actually from my baby?

Ummmm you know it’s not Christmas yet right? You are being beyond silly. Laying awake for hours because your baby hasn’t sent you a card (YET?!?!?!) for Christmas and it isn’t even Christmas yet. Maybe, your husband is going to give it to you on Christmas Eve. You basically just want your hubby to write you a thank you for being such a great mum card because as you say it really isn’t from your baby.

Also, I seriously suggest you write a list of exactly what you want for Mother’s Day and when it has to happen in the day or you might not be able to function.

I seriously despair at the things that people get so upset over.

Ilikemymenlikeilikemycoffee · 22/12/2024 18:53

You’re being ridiculous

Herewegoagain84 · 22/12/2024 18:53

mumtoababygirl · 21/12/2024 06:53

It means so much to me because I just want to see Mum written on something for me after all these years

Show quote history

But you are the mum…? Surely you don’t need a Christmas card to say that for you? Tbh I think you’re being a bit ridiculous - and making this entirely about you. The baby doesn’t know or care about the card. I assume that the Dad’s card is done and delivered?

Herewegoagain84 · 22/12/2024 18:54

I also think this is a prime example of people finding literally anything to have a sulk over.

Resilienceisimportant · 22/12/2024 18:57

mumtoababygirl · 21/12/2024 07:04

Of course it doesn’t take away from enjoying my baby over Christmas, I’m so grateful for her and I love her so much.

I just would love to see a card on the mantelpiece that was for me that said Mum on it.

DH knows I wanted one, he knows it would mean a lot to me. Does it matter if cards aren’t important to him if he knows it is to me, and it would only take him 15 minutes of effort and cost £3?

I think you are projecting your struggle to have a baby all on one Christmas card. If yiu just want a card that says mum then put it there yourself. Do for yourself. Since you know it’s not from your baby it doesn’t have to be from your hubby. Your expectations are artificially enormous.

Tessabelle74 · 22/12/2024 18:58

There are some hard hearted people on here OP. I thought I was pretty hard faced but I'd be gutted too. It's thoughtless if him when you've specifically discussed it, you've waited a long time for your fist Christmas as a Mummy ❤️

RawBloomers · 22/12/2024 19:01

mumtoababygirl · 21/12/2024 06:41

I haven’t given him his yet, no. I have it but I just feel so stupid.

I suppose I want him to care, I want him to care that this is important to me.

I feel like if I remind him, then he probably would go out and get me one but what’s the point if I had to beg for one, I could buy my own but again I’d just think that was a bit sad.

I’m surprised so many of you give them so late, we take our decorations down quite early though.

I’ll try to get a grip. I know they will mean so much more when they’re actually coming from her.

Does he show he cares in other ways?

I don’t mean you should forget this, I’m asking if your feeling that he doesn’t care about you is actually valid in a general sense - which would be a huge issue and not one to “get a grip” over - or if it’s just that you want a few particular things that aren’t on his radar much.

If he clearly does care about you (and that you think he would go do it if you mention it suggests he does) then remind him. It’s not begging, it’s a reminder. It’s one of the ways by which he learns just how important something is to you. Christmas is a busy time. There’s lots going on and he will have his own internal sense of the important things for him that may over ride something you’ve mentioned in the past, however clear you were at the time that it was a big deal to you. If you end up having to remind him about the same thing year after year, you might have more of a point. But the first few times are communication and setting expectations.

If you’re actually worried that he doesn’t care, I think you need a candid chat and maybe a thread in relationships. It can be easy during the early years to feel that way when it’s really just that things are stretched too thin for both of you because the baby takes up so much time and focus. But it’s also a time when partners do check out of a relationship.

PeachyPeachTrees · 22/12/2024 19:06

Definitely get yourself a Mum Christmas card. Have a lovely Christmas.

O6bftdff · 22/12/2024 19:06

I voted YABU only because the simple solution is surely to say ‘when shall we exchange cards? Can’t wait to have a card with ‘mum’ on it this year’.

Feelingsad1987 · 22/12/2024 19:08

If it means a lot to you, I don't think you are being unreasonable. I can understand your feelings. Just ask him directly to get you one tomorrow.

VeriD · 22/12/2024 19:10

Oh please don’t get upset… my hubby gives cards on xmas day! He might be thinking of doing that? Feel your pain though as it important to you .. in my experience of 36 years of marriage and kids and all is they sometimes just don’t get our inner feelings.. we expect and very much want them to read our minds… rarely happens but they show their love in other ways. Hope he remembers to do it as being a mom for the first time especially after waiting so long is so special… if he doesn’t remember try to forgive him, he may now just focused on your first family xmas time🎄Don’t let it spoil this magical time for both of you 💕

ThisIsSockward · 22/12/2024 19:11

People forget, and it's a busy time of year. I'd either present him with his card and say you're still waiting for yours or just mention you're looking forward to seeing which card your baby has chosen for you, hint hint. Maybe it's not ideal, but better than not getting the card at all. Some people just aren't wired to remember things like this, especially if it's not something that would be so important to them.