No Christmas card from my baby

[mumtoababygirl]

This year is my first Christmas as a Mum. It took us over a decade to have our baby. I asked my DH back in November if he was going to get me a Christmas card from the baby, he said yes.

I know it’s silly and I know it’s not really from her, but I just would love something that said Mum on it.

He hasn’t got me one.

I’ve been laid here awake for the best part of two hours being so upset about it. I’ve come to the conclusion that he just doesn’t care about me. I’m not asking for a special, custom card from Etsy, just to pop into Tesco (which he passes) on his way home from work. He knows how much I would love it and it would mean to me.

AIBU to be so upset? It’s just a card and not even actually from my baby?

Ok so personally, I think it's a funny thing to insist upon. A memento, like a photo-based ornament commemorating your first Christmas as a mum, maybe. But a purchased card from Tesco with the word Mum on it which is actually from your husband, is a bit odd, imo.

However, my feelings aren't the point. If I'd told my DH that I wanted something as simple as a card he could purchase from Tesco in minutes, he'd be thrilled that it was such an easy request and he'd be on it.

So, YANBU. You've told him what you want and how important it is, and he's ignored it. I'm sorry.

(Have you already exchanged gifts? We don't even do cards between us but if we did, we wouldn't be doing them until Christmas day)

Has the world gone completely mad?

In a nice way, I think YABU. Although, my partner sulked for 3 days last year when I didn’t get him one from the baby (but he prefers cards over presents and got me some from the baby). Me personally, I’m not that bothered. That said, he may well present one to you on Christmas Day-there’s still time!

In the gentlest way OP, if you're getting this upset over a card a few days before Christmas, I really do fear for things in the months and years going forward - please try to get some perspective. I've never heard of anyone being given a Christmas card on behalf of a baby. You dont know if he's yet to do it. In any event I suggest you drop some big hints or an outright reminder

Tell him to not forget you want a Christmas card from her. Have you had one from your husband?
He is a man they usually have a memory that lasts a day. He will have forgotten that’s all. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t think anything of you . You are getting yourself into a state for no reason. Just be upfront and remind him!

I don’t think you’re being ‘daft’ or unreasonable as most replies are saying. As a first time mum myself I understand how special it is to receive a ‘mum’ gift or when someone refers to you as ‘mum/mummy’ especially if you’ve waited so long to hear it. I would say communicate this to your partner and let him know how much this means to you. Sometimes things that are obvious to you aren’t always obvious to others. It’s your first Christmas as a family of 3 so a little nudge will save your day being ruined. Have a lovely Christmas and I hope you enjoy your first one as a Mummy! How special xx

It’s my first Xmas as a mum as well, I dropped some massive hints to my DH about a card from DD. In the end I had to tell him that I’d bought 2 cards for him. He looked very confused, but eventually the penny dropped.

My friend drops hints and her husband never gets them. She is ALWAYS disappointed.

I never understand why women hint instead of just asking for what they want. In any situation. I either always get what I want or am told a valid reason why I can't (for example, the £350 boots I fell in love with are too much money when we've just had a new boiler and we have a small, expensive, child. Valid). I'm therefore never disappointed on the day I'd be "expecting" something, because DH has been told what he's supposed to do.

Just ask.

I get it. Completely. I tried for 10 years too. Maybe he does have a card, he's just planning on giving it to you at Christmas. Why don't you give him his Daddy card from your dad, and he'll either give you the Mummy card he has already or it'll remind him to sort it out. Have a wonderful Christmas with your little baby 🐤 xx

It's okay for you to want a card. But also since the card is not actually from the baby it's really no different you buying it yourself or him buying it for you.

I have never heard of buying Christmas cards for people who live in your household so this is something that would have never have occurred to me.

Tell him you want one

To me this does sound silly, sorry OP. And I sent my husband a card from his horse, so it’s not as though I’m being all uber rational about it. I understand how you feel but if there’s no more to it then it’s really not worth getting upset about.

My neighbour didnt give it a thought for his wife, i reminded him and think he thought i was mad, so i bought a card for mommy and daddy, wrote it and put it through the letterbox, they both loved it. Just mention it, say hope youve got my card from ....it means a lot for me. Then buy him a diary for next year and write in it "get Christmas card from..... To mommy."

I've never heard of parents giving a card to their spouse from the baby. It seems a bit contrived and pointless as it's not actually from the baby.

There’s still a few days to go for Christmas though so how do you know for sure that he didn’t get you a card? My family exchange gifts and cards ON Christmas Day, not before.

I’ve just asked my partner if, had we been young and just had our first baby, would he have bought me a mummy Christmas card and he said yes. I didn’t read your comment beforehand. So for that reason I don’t think you’re being unreasonable.

First world problems eh. What did he say when you gave him his first Dads Christmas card? Thought not.

OP do you and your husband do cards normally? If not I can kind of understand why he’s forgotten - 100% backing you if he forgot to get you a Mother’s Day card from her for you but if you don’t normally do Christmas cards then I see why he’s not done it. If you really want something that says Mum on it why don’t you treat yourself to something? Like matching daughter and mother outfits or matching jumpers etc? I understand you wanting to see yourself recognised but to get mad at your partner and upset yourself over it seems counterproductive to me. Embrace your mum title yourself and take ownership x

If it's upsetting you just ask him. But yes it's from him not the baby. My husband and I don't swap Xmas cards and id have thought he'd gone bonkers if he'd sent me one from a new born . But each to their own

Remind him. It's only the 22nd. And I would not take this forgetfulness as a lack of love for you - men mostly have to be reminded of such things!

So he may have a card for you as a Mum but you don't know because you haven't yet given him HIS Christmas card?! How long is this stand-off going to go on for - until Boxing Day perhaps?!

You’re a typical parent who thinks that having a child is all about you. It isn’t. The card clearly means nothing, the baby is incapable of expressing its wishes. The only reason is for your own self-gratification. Well that’s not what being a parent is about, it’s about the child not about you.

Maybe you’ll get something on Christmas Day? Try not to woryy about a card, if you don’t get one, look at your baby and be happy you have her/him. Plenty of time for your actual baby to grow and give you a card they made themselves saying mummy on the front or inside.

I would have asked if he didn’t come up with a card, but I like to let him think that he came up with the idea all by himself. Haha

Most kindly, l think you've got worked up over this, over thought it and blown it out of proportion.