To be dreading the holiday

[nonotchristmas]

I broke up today. Kids off for two weeks. They go to private day nursery but because of the days they do (Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays) they are in Monday and then that’s it, because Wednesday is of course Christmas Day and nursery is closed for a week so the next day they are in is Friday 3rd January.

And I know I’m going to be roasted like the turkey for this but I’m dreading it. Two weeks where I won’t get a single break from them, in the house they fight and whine and the youngest follows me round crying to be picked up all the time. Feeding them is increasingly expensive and challenging. Entertaining them is a nightmare, I’ve booked a few things but everything is so expensive again with a Christmas premium on it, I know I’ll get told to ‘just take them to the park’ but please don’t: parks are absolutely lethal with a completely fearless preschooler and a cheery but clueless toddler: slippy equipment the slip on and smash their chins open (ask me how I know) so soft play it is, again and again and again.

But it’s the day in day out nature of it. It’s knackering and two full weeks of it is hideous. And expensive. And help me

I completely understand what you’re saying. The issue is your husband not caring enough about your well-being to take on his share of the childcare and give you the break you need. I’m really sorry you’re dealing with that. You sound like a really good mother whose ability to really enjoy her children is being wrecked by their selfish, lazy dad.

Why don't you do more free stuff then? The weather may not be your cup of tea but the kids won't care. Just getting them outside even for half an hour of running round with a ball or a walk to the shop or post Xmas cards to neighbours will be beneficial to all of you. Trying to do only indoor activities will not be helping.

I agree with you!!

op……YABU!!!

I look after our 1 yo and 4 yo every day minus 15 hours of preschool a week, and I’m pregnant.

it’s two small children that you chose to have. Honestly just get on with it and stop being a whinge. Find things to enjoy about their childhood!! Go and see the Christmas lights (free!!) make some cookie, put a film on. It’s not rocket science

Why on earth should I be ashamed? And she's practically biting people's heads off.

Well don’t act like one then. Seriously, looking after your own children for a week and you’re acting like it’s hell of earth.

OP is getting a pretty unfair deal here by some posters. She had every right to feel arsey and miserable.

She is being utterly robbed of her ability to enjoy her children because their father is a terrible dad and a terrible husband.

If anyone has the wherewithal to grasp that in the same situation, then you’d be bloody miserable too.

I guess family life is hell on earth in a marriage where you’re completely unsupported and uncared for. Funny that.

People do it all the time - military wives, people with partners who work long hours. Some people even have more children than OP ( !!)

it’s not hell on earth. Op isn’t in Gaza and she needs to get a flipping grip.

I might get flamed for this myself - but Mindset is a thing. You have already decided its going to be horrendous. Therefore it absolutely will be.

There's a chance though, if you planned the break well with some of the fab suggestions on here, sprinkled on some positive thought, and be very firm and clear with DP that you are also having some time to yourself to get organised and do some self care ( don't give him a choice ) ..that it might actually be a very lovely christmas break.

Your kids will also pick up on how you feel, which will then come back to you in their behaviour ten fold.

Cooking, Cleaning and most of the mundane stuff we have to do can all be gamified to include the kids. Start a "team christmas" and let them start earning elf points :)

Im a lockdown Mum. Give me a two week christmas break in the house, over a summer of discontent anyday!! 😂 But under normal circumstances, it really is in how you approach it and how you engage with the kids throughout which will determine how you find it.

Good luck :)

I have not said it will be hell on earth, I’ve said it will be hard, and it will. Yes, some of you had seven under threes, went to the park every day even when it was flooded: it was jolly japes and little Hattie just loved practicing swimming since you’d never do anything as gauche as pay to go to a swimming pool.

Me, I’m not made as such stern stuff, I do get tired and want / need a break.

Two.

Well all do lovely, i commented as a full time working mum, with a husband who works 55 hours a week. We are all exhausted. You, me, every body that commented. I can assure you, i am the furthest away from any "jolly japes" and little Hattie can f off away from me. But we had kids. And our needs are secondary to their immediate ones for a little while.

nonotchristmas · Today 12:07
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I have not said it will be hell on earth, I’ve said it will be hard, and it will. Yes, some of you had seven under threes, went to the park every day even when it was flooded: it was jolly japes and little Hattie just loved practicing swimming since you’d never do anything as gauche as pay to go to a swimming pool.
Me, I’m not made as such stern stuff, I do get tired and want / need a break

There’s really no need to be so rude to people. Lots of posters have been very kind. You are very negative. Presumably you had worked out that your husband was pretty hopeless before you decided to have a second child?

That’s good lovely. So, lovely, what makes you think my children are coming seconds eh to my needs? Lovely?

Can you not see how aggressive you are? Perhaps the GP can help?

Sympathy @nonotchristmas . This is the first year I'm keeping dd home from nursery between Xmas eve and new year (they're literally only closed bank holidays). Now they're a little older (almost 3 and almost 6) they're thick as thieves and playing beautifully together. It will still be louder and with more whining than I'd like, but I'd feel too guilty to send her to nursery when she must need a break too.

BUT - I have an equal dp, we will alternate and keep the pressure off each other. We're a team. It would be a lot more fraught with a crap dp who didn't pull his weight...

Can you not see how condescending you are? Perhaps stopping that would help.

Thanks @Bippityboppitybooo , this is the daft thing, they are loved, wanted, doted on children - it doesn’t mean it’s not exhausting and hard day after day!

OP it really sounds like there are bigger issues here. Your set up just doesn’t sound good and your DH is perhaps only part of it.
I know that how I feel about looking agtrt my kids is all about the set-up - where I live, how much disposable income, how much space, how much support from partner, family and friends. My own work situation. All of it creates a framework which affects my abilities to create nice days and my mood and mental health.

other posters comparing to their entirely different situations is entirely pointless and unhelpful.

OP, focus on getting through this holiday and then think of what changes you can make to improve your overall life situation.

@Bippityboppitybooo do you have two girls? I always hear about young children playing nicely together and I used to play with my sister for hours when I was a child, but my children are older boy and younger girl (same as op) and the times that they have ever played nicely together are very very rare as they just don't like doing the same things.

I agree about the partner, but if that isn't want op has, it's not going to help.

Op get them outside come hell or high water, it will be better for everyone's health both physical and mental

It's ridiculous to say you can't go to the park because it's slippy, or the woods are muddy. We were on the beach for three hours Tuesday afternoon. You just put on waterproofs and layers and go. Of course you're going to find it hard work if you stay home in a grump.

Yea that’s right! WHY hasn’t OP and everyone else who’s struggling thought of the simple solution to just CHEER UP! Brilliant.

A loving and supportive husband in the military or that works long hours is not the same, at all, as a husband who is physically present but that does not provide emotional or practical support.

A situation does not have to be literal warfare in order for it to cause damage, depression and eroded wellbeing.

Sorry, but if you can’t understand the importance of getting support in your marriage then you don’t have enough emotional intelligence to understand OP’s situation.

@Whatabouthow its ridiculous that you think you know where I live.

We have winds of up to 60 mph predicted. The roads and verges are submerged in water, fields are ponds / lakes and I have a teeny just walking toddler. I am not an anxious parent in the slightest and I am telling you it is not safe.

I could not get a pushchair through the mud in the woods nearest to us and surprise surprise, no one around us is either. It’s only on Mumsnetown that parks and playgrounds are filled with rosy cheeked children playing in their puddle suits while their parents laugh fondly and sip from the flasks. Everywhere else everyone stays in.

I have three girls
They do not play together. They squabble and fight like cat and dog. They would never colour together as that would be copying each other and God forbid
If I put a film on, guarantee the other one will suddenly hate it and I hear screams of its not fair

I don't think you sound aggressive, you sound worn out and pissed off.

People making suggestions that you know won't work (because you know your own kids) but then having posters say you are wrong or ridiculous for knowing that, really doesn't help.

And your DH isn't an equal help either.

Can you carve out any time for yourself alone at all? I know the house will be a tip and you will come back to two tired/messy kids. But if you can get a few hours of not being on duty, it might give you a bit of energy to start again?

Trying to think of examples that don't sound shite, but even a coffee shop with a book, not on your phone. Or go to a film on your own and if you hate the film, have a snooze. A bath with headphones in and refuse to be disturbed (bet that won't work, they'll know you are in there!)

In an ideal world, I'd say an overnight in travelodge, but that's probably a stretch!